


The Inner Voice

by Chenology345



Series: The Inner Voice [1]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Comedy, Depression, Drama, F/M, Prejudice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 68,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chenology345/pseuds/Chenology345
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Wilde struggles to fight his internal demons caused by the tragedies and oppression he faced throughout his life. When his own personal battle becomes too much, it starts to affect him and the others around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-PRESENT-

Nick sat outside of Bogo's office, waiting to be called in. He looked down at his hands and saw them trembling. He took a deep breath and thought to himself, "Don't be nervous. Don't let them see you weak." And like that, his hands stopped trembling. Many years of planning schemes and conning people taught him how to look confident and be smooth 110% of the time. Being nervous was not an option for him.

He needed to talk to Bogo, but the police chief was too busy at the moment. He guessed (he knew) that Bogo was playing Gazelle's new app. It was the one where you're best friends with her and you become a pop star.

"Am I the only one who doesn't love her?" he thought to himself.

He let out a big sigh as one of the policewomen, a white Arctic wolf, passed by and joked, "The big guy coming down hard on you again?"

"You know it Candice," and gave her a sly smile and a wink. She giggled to herself as she headed off to records.

"You still got it Nick," he whispered to himself.

He didn't know Candice well, but they were friendly with each other. A passing joke, a sarcastic remark, maybe a little flirting here and there, just the way he liked it. Plus he thought she was cute too.

Tired of sitting, Nick stood up and walked towards the glass railing and leaned against it as he peered down to the atrium. He saw various police officers and staff scurrying across the atrium. He then saw Judy holding a stack of paperwork almost up to her ears going the direction of her cubicle. He smiled since he knew she was going to finish all of that today no matter what it took. He headed back to his seat and closed his eyes. He was brought back to the day they first met.

-FLASHBACK-

Finnick and he were walking down Trunk Street in Downtown Zootopia. It was a beautiful, sunny day, a good day to have pawpsicles. They have been planning this pawpsicle scam for weeks. If everything went according to plan, they were guaranteed hundreds of dollars of profits. They were mostly silent walking to the elephant ice cream parlor. The only time they really needed to talk was to go over the plan, and to negotiate the splitting of the profits. After working with a business partner for 10 years, there's not much you need to say. They understood each other's little movements, expressions, and gestures. Nick could see Finnick's ears twitching slightly, not noticeable enough for any random animal to see. But Nick, Nick knew Finnick was excited. Nick smiled to himself and crossed his arms behind his head. He wished that he could be as excited as Finnick. But he has been doing this for 20 years and it was all starting to feel the same. You trick people, they give you money. Viola. Done and done. There's no excitement in playing the game anymore for him. But, he's a fox, if he tried to do anything else, it'll end in failure. He remembered how his father tried to get out of conning and open up a suit store instead. It was going to be at the corner between Birch St. and Dandelion Dr. It was a dream they had together. But it just could not hap-

Finnick interrupted his thoughts when he nudged Nick and pointed his head towards the direction of Judy. They looked as she was running and hopping around the street, passionately giving tickets to many poor Zootopia citizens who did not come back to their cars on time.

"That bitch is one of the biggest tools I've seen," Finnick said flatly.

Nick gave a chuckle and said, "Isn't she the first bunny cop that we've been hearing all about? How long do you give her? A week tops?"

"HA, I give her 2 days!"

Nick chuckled in agreement. He despised cops, especially cops like her. The ones who are so idealistic, so naïve, so self-righteous. They become so blinded by their own definition and sense of justice that they don't realize their own prejudices and the harm they commit. However, seeing her ticket countless parking violators gave him the perfect idea. He just needed to catch her attention. That's when he saw a truck with a sheep driver about to leave an alleyway. Perfect.

Nick whispered to Finnick, "Follow my lead."

He then sped in front of the truck when he heard the sheep driver yell, "Watch where you're going, fox!"

He glanced at the bunny cop and what do you know, she's looking straight at him. Things were going according to plan. Now it was time for him to pull out his acting chops. He imagined himself as a spy and started looking around and behind his back, like he is scoping the area. He knew to her, he basically became a giant sign that screamed in flashing neon lights, UP TO NO GOOD. STOP HIM. He then walked into the ice cream store with Finnick. She was going to come in any second, and right when they got to the front line, BOOM, there she was. Let the con begin.

As he melted the Jumbo Pop on the roof, he congratulated himself for a job well done.

"Man, I haven't duped a cop like that for a while! What a rush! And all because that bunny cop felt the need to stop a sly fox like me! Dumb bunny."

And that is when he heard the voice. The voice that regularly haunts him ever since the Junior Ranger Scout incident.

"She's just like everyone else Nick. Every single animal that has seen a fox like you. A fox not worthy of trust. Not worthy of respect. Not worthy of-

"Thank you. Thank you. You can go back into your cage now."

The voice was gone. He defeated it this time, but he felt scarred from the battle. His chest felt heavy, determined to weigh down his short-lived jubilant mood. He felt the heaviness spread throughout his veins. And that's when he felt like he was the tool. The tool used by cops like her to validate their "justice." Hey I helped this fox, so I must not be prejudiced! I must be a great cop! He then felt belittled being called "articulate" for the 1000th time. That is how he knew. How he knew she was just like everyone else.

Later that night, as he laid in bed staring at the ceiling, he thought about how it felt good to let out all his frustrations and anger on her when she confronted him about the pawpsicle scam. "She deserved it. How dare she confront me for trying to make a living while she lives guilt-free about the pain she caused. I couldn't let her get away with that." A moment passed. He then quietly admitted to himself that she really did get to him.

The voice popped up and told him, "You know why? It's because she reminds you of how you're always going to be just a fox. Nothing more. Remember those Junior Ranger Scouts? They were right you could never be trusted. Also, fuck you."

"Well, hate to be unoriginal, but I had a long day, so fuck you too." The voice disappeared.

-PRESENT-

"Nick! You can come in now!"

Nick was quickly opened his eyes and found himself outside of Bogo's office. He placed his hand over his chest, his heart was beating fast. How long was he out? He checked his watch, 5 minutes. It felt a lot longer than 5 minutes to him. It was strange, he forgot how mad he felt at Judy on the first day they met. Their relationship has gotten much better since that first day. Which is why what he is about next made him nervous. He knew this would disappoint her. No, it's going to make her pissed. She was stubborn and would never let him do this. This is why he had to do this without telling her. It was something he had to do, for both of them. He went into the office and saw Bogo sitting at desk, perfect posture, intimidating, and displeased. The usual when he saw Nick.

"Have a seat, Nick." Nick sat on the chair across from him. "It's quite strange that you want to meet me. Usually I have to call you in to stop fucking around. Why this urgent meeting?"

Nick gave a sly smile, acknowledging the little jab at him, but then he quickly frowned and said, "Chief, I would like to make a request to switch partners."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! This is my first fanfic, and I'm not the greatest writer... so feel free to critique me! When I first watched Zootopia I just absolutely loved it. I loved all the characters, but I had a strong connection with Nick. I guess this story is an opportunity to share what I imagine Nick was thinking/doing in the movie, and how he is and what he does after the movie. So enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Nick saw Bogo lean his head back with his jaw dropped as far down as possible. It was a good 5 seconds before he recomposed himself and said, "Nick…did I hear you correctly? You want to switch partners?"

"Yes I think that would be the best for both of us," Nick nearly whispered.

Usually Nick could maintain his cool, snarky attitude when talking to Bogo. But this time, all he wanted to do was look down to the ground. After seeing such a shocked look, he was starting to have doubts about this decision.

"Nick, I gotta say, I simply do not understand. You and Judy are one of the best teams even though you two haven't been here for so long. Heck, I hate admitting this to you, but I use you two as an example of perfect teamwork when I guest-lecture at the police academy. I will respect your decision if that's what you truly want, but I implore you to reconsider."

Nick continued to look down to the floor. Was he making the right decision? He wasn't so sure anymore. He closed his eyes and thought about his training at the police academy. He hated it at first. He was surrounded by huge animals that underestimated him and well, saw him as just a fox. How could a fox, of all animals, become a protector of the law? They're not to be trusted! They bullied him a lot. He got pushed around and heard countless insults. Also, the training was just grueling to him. The obstacle courses, the classes, the unreasonably large toilets. He never showed that they got to him and he always fought back. But inside, he felt like he didn't belong here, like he made a mistake coming here. He wanted to give up and go back to his life as a con man. But he didn't. He didn't because of Judy.

Judy would text him every day to see how he was doing and to update him on her life. He looked forward to those texts. It felt freeing to have someone he could rant to, especially since she understood what he was going through. Also, it was just nice to talk to her. Her texts served as a reminder on why he was here. To become a police officer so he can make Zootopia a better place, with Judy as his partner. He could not have thought of anyone else he would want to be partners with. She inspired him, but more importantly, she believed in him. She believed he was more than just a-

"And that's why you have to do this Nick. You're just going to mess things up. Like you did in the past," the voice interrupted.

Nick didn't fight back against the voice. He internally nodded to the voice. And with that, his resolve came back. He had to do this.

"Well…. Look at this as the perfect opportunity for better police officers!" Nick said.

Bogo's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm listening."

"Carrots and I are the dream team right? So if we split up we can make more dream teams! And wouldn't you like that captain? Two dreams team instead of just one? Think of the possibilities chief!" Nick gave his cool, collected smile that he was known for. He felt his confidence coming back. He used all his skills from his hustling days, which surprisingly comes in handy as a police officer too.

Bogo put his left hoof at his chin and started rubbing it. "You have an interesting proposition Nick, you two are surprisingly excellent police officers. It would be good for you two to spread your skills to the new recruits." Bogo put his hooves down on the desk. "Okay Nick, I will respect your reassignment. You'll know tomorrow at the briefing who will be you next partner."

"Thank you chief, and by the way you're looking extra snazzy today. Date night?"

"Get out."

Nick quickly left the office. His heart was still racing at 100 miles per hour, he can't believe he just did it. It was something he agonized over for weeks. However, after last night….at the park…He knew he had to do it.

He walked down the stairs to the atrium and looked at his watch, 4:58 pm. Just about time for him to clock out and leave for home. After clocking out, he headed out to the bustling streets. Cars filled the street and he could hear the wondrous cacophony of horns honking and angry shouting. Rush hour. Probably a good time to walk.

As he walked down Bluebell Drive, he thought about how he was going to tell Judy about this. Chills ran up his spine and he shuddered. She really is going to be pissed off. But it's for the best, and what's done is done. She's just going to have to respect that. It did sadden him though that they won't be partners anymore. He thought of the many times they got donuts together, survived her horrendous driving together, and solved cases together. Their first high speed chase, first patrol, first bank robbery, first theft case, the list goes on.

"How about the first homicide case together? The one where you two couldn't solve it?" the voice said.

"No… not now. I don't want to remember that now."

"Really? I do! It was at the rainfor-"

"Please. No."

The voice stopped talking. Nick felt guilt coursing through his body, but he was determined to not think of it now. He forced another memory into his head.

-FLASHBACK-

Nick and Judy were leaning against the railing of a bridge licking their pawsicles. It was a beautiful sunny day with the rays glistening against the river.

"These pawsicles are delicious! Good idea getting pawpsicles Nick!" Judy exclaimed. "And bonus! Way cheaper than the ones that you used to sell!"

"Oh I love how you still remember the first day we met, Carrots. And hey, I always sold all of them, sooo ka-ching ka-ching!"

She gave him a sly look, "Well it's too bad that you're stuck doing this dumb ol' police job with this bunny huh?"

"Yeah Carrots, you're right. Gotta do something about the fucking bunny huh."

"Nick, stop it!" Judy laughed as she punched him in the arm.

"Hahahaha ow! These guns are precious ya know."

"Oh really now? Seems pretty fragile to me, especially if a little ol' bunny can hurt them" she giggled.

"I don't know, you may be cute little ol' bunny, but you surprisingly can pack a punch."

"Nick! You know that I don't like being called cute!"

"Oh right, right. My bads. Just little dumb ol' bunny then."

"Yes, thank you very much."

They both laughed, and then they just stared at the river below them. Nick never really had an eye for nature, but for some reason it just looked extra beautiful to him today. He guessed when he is having a good time with someone else, things just look more beautiful in general. He looked at Judy for a second and saw her in a way he never did before. He could've sworn his heart skipped a beat. He freaked out and quickly faced the river again.

"Hey Nick?" Judy asked.

"Yeah, Carrots?" Nick secretly hoped Judy didn't notice his little freak out moment.

"How long have we known each other? About a year now right?"

"I would say so, why?"

"Well…we've known each other for quite a while now. We hang out like pretty much everyday. Heck, you even came to the Gazelle concert with me, even though you're not a fan of her music. We have so much fun together and I feel like I know you so well. But yet… I don't know a lot of things about you."

"What's there to know?"

"Well, your family! I talk about my family all the time, especially my super overprotective parents. But I have no idea about your family. All I know is that your mom helped you buy your uniform for…you know…"

His ears pricked up and he started squeezing the rails. His whole body went stiff as the dark memories started to flood his mind. Thinking about his parents was not a pleasant experience to say the very least.

Judy noticed and quickly apologized, "Oh, I'm so sorry Nick. We don't have to talk about this. That was so dumb of me to mention your parents. I… I should've realized."

He stayed silent for a minute. He rarely talked about his parents to anyone. He always presented a face that he was the cool, collected, and smooth fox that could talk his way into anything. He wasn't used to opening up to others. The first time he opened up to her was at the cable cars when they were solving the Missing Mammals Case. He saw her in a whole new light after witnessing her being treated unfairly by Bogo. She had been oppressed too, like he has. She understood the pain and suffering that he had gone through his whole life. He felt that special connection to her, and the words just started coming out of his mouth. The words that described one of his most painful memories.

"Nick, please say something. I don't want you to be mad at me"

"My…my dad. In a lot of ways, I'm like my dad. We're both con man. And he was a pretty good one too, I guess that's how I became a pretty good one too. It's in the genes. But he didn't want to be a con man. He wanted to do something good for once. So he thought about opening a suit store with me. It was our dream. We would go to the building at the corner of 4th and Track Street where the store was supposed to be right before we went to the bank. It was supposed to be our good luck charm. And every time he would write "Wilde + Son" on the dusty door. It kept the dream alive for us. But no matter what bank we went to, they would never give us a loan. Probably because we're foxes…They don't have a good reputation among banks. And…I think my dad just broke one day. A few days later, he was gone."

He didn't tell her everything, like what happened to his mom, some things he just wanted to keep to himself for now, but he couldn't end the story like this. He started to tell a joke when he felt a hug from his right side.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't possibly imagine what that's like. To have gone through so much pain at such a young age. But I'm always going to be here for you. Because we're partners, and more importantly, we're friends. And that's we do."

He put his arm around her, "Thanks, Carrots…. Thanks Judy."

-PRESENT-

Nick was right outside his apartment. He started to regret the decision he made, he felt like he betrayed his partner after she's done so much for him. He tried reminding himself that it was for the best. Yet, it didn't feel right to be back here. He was compelled to make one more stop before he headed home. He turned around and kept walking, like he was on a mission. He then began to jog, and before he knew it, he was sprinting. He was sprinting until he reached the corner of 4th St and Track St.


	3. Chapter 3

Nick couldn't remember the last time he was here. He always took measures to avoid this corner whenever possible. He didn't want to remember the memories associated with this place. But he was here now, and what he first noticed was how much it has changed. He remembered as a cub that this corner had liquor stores, small restaurants, and bars. The corner has undergone some gentrification since then. He saw boutiques, fancy restaurants, artisan shops, bakeries, and organic ice cream shops placed around the corner. It did not surprise him that there were no more foxes here anymore.

"This corner has almost everything that a bougie mammal needs," Nick joked to himself.

Nick then looked at the store where he and his dad were going to build Suitopia. It was now a gun store. Its most prominent feature was its logo where it said Gunter's Guns with a smiling pig holding a gun pointed upwards.

"I guess bougie people also need guns too," Nick sighed.

He considered just walking back to his place when his body almost instinctively started heading towards the store. He realized he had to know what was in this store. Maybe if he went inside, he won't be haunted by his memories anymore. His hand was shaking as he was reaching the door. But what if it just makes him even more broken?

"There's only one way to find out," he told himself.

He headed in where he was greeted by Gunter, who stood at the back behind a cash register. Nick responded with a thanks and slowly walked around the store. It was simple set up. Display cases of various guns found at the center and periphery of the store. There were also display racks of the bigger guns hanging on the walls.

"Not a bad layout," Nick admitted.

He remembered as a cub he would draw out what should the layout of the store look like. Some drawings featured a rocket ship at the center of the store. He told his father that the presence of a rocket ship would help them stand out against all the other suit stores. His father gave him a solid maybe. He chuckled to himself about some of the silly things he put in his drawings, and how this store looks nothing like it.

"Oh shit, I better look like I'm like browsing or whatever," Nick thought to himself.

He looked down at a handgun, when suddenly darkness surrounded him.

"What the fuck? What's going on?" Nick yelled.

The darkness cleared away, and he was back in the store, but it didn't look quite the same. For one thing, there were no guns, but rather racks of suits instead.

"Wait…this is….this can't be! It's Suitopia! It's like how we always dreamed! Well almost, there's no rocket ship but I can live with that."

He then heard a familiar voice. "Just like how we practiced, okay son?"

"Okay, dad!"

He turned around and saw his dad and himself from 25 years ago. They were dressed up in dapper clothing fit for a gentlefox.

A kangaroo with a slick suit and tie walked in when he was quickly surrounded by the father and son duo.

"Welcome to our humble shop! We provide all the suits, for all the mammals!" Young Nick greeted.

"It's not Zootopia, it's Wilde and Son's Suitopia!" his dad exclaimed with the same amount if not more energy.

Then they both shouted, "Need a suit? Suitopia welcomes you!"

The kangaroo said in an aristocratic manner, "Oh my, well I do love the energy, and I do need to spend all this Wallaby Street money. I would love to take a gander at some of your finest suits."

His dad replied, "Well look no further! Let me show you the perfect suit for a fine kangaroo like you! Did I mention we also do tailoring?"

Nick smiled as he watched the younger version of himself beaming with joy as he followed the kangaroo and his dad around. This was how as a cub he imagined running the store with his dad would be like. It was perfect.

"God I was such a dumb fox as a cub. So naïve still," he chuckled to himself. "It's too bad we never even came close to that dream."

The fantasy came to an abrupt end when he was surrounded by darkness again. It cleared away to reveal a memory. A memory Nick spent years trying to forget.

He watched young Nick and his dad walking back home, being rejected for the loan by one of the last banks that would see them in Zootopia.

"Dad, it's going to be okay right? There's going to be other banks right? We could go to the ones outside of Zootopia too!"

His dad smiled weakly at his son, "Yeah son, of course. There'll be more."

"Yeah! And there's no way we can give up! We can just find another one tomorrow! We're going to open up Suitopia dad!"

"Of course son, well why don't we give ourselves a break for a few days. Give us a chance to regroup."

"Yeah good idea! We can make an even better pitch to the bank!"

Nick was so hopeful as a cub, he wouldn't let anything get him down. He always knew how to bounce back even against bullies or teachers who didn't give him a chance. He believed that as long as his dad and he kept the dream alive, there was always hope. However, he came to learn that his dad thought differently.

Nick was then transported 3 days later into the living room of his old apartment. He saw his dad lying down on the couch, reeking of alcohol and with empty beer bottles next to him.

"Oh god… please I don't want to go through this," Nick whispered to himself.

Young Nick entered the living room and his eyes lit up. This was the first time seeing him since the failed pitch.

"Dad! Dad! You're home! I knew you would be back! Do you have a plan for Suitopia? I have a whole bunch of ideas that can help us!" Young Nick said excitedly.

"There's no hope…Suitopia is dead…I'm a failure" his dad muttered drunkenly in his sleep.

"Dad? Dad? What are you saying? Suitopia is dead?"

His mom came into the living room, "Oh my god, Richard, where have you been? It has been 3 days! We have been worried sick about you!"

His dad's eyes slowly opened, they were bloodshot red. "What? What's happening? Why are you yelling at me?"

"Richard, you're hungover! You have a family to support! What are you doing?"

"Cindy, my dream is dead. My dream is dead."

Young Nick's eyes started to tear up, "Dad, what are you saying?"

"Nick, please go up to your room, your father and I need to talk," his mom said gently.

"No, our boy needs to hear this." Nick's dad sat up and looked intently into his son's eyes. "Dreams don't come true for mammals like us. We're the scum, the criminals, the low lifes of Zootopia. Suitopia will never happen because we're foxes. Do you understand?"

He rubbed his eyes and looked up to his father in disbelief. This wasn't the cheerful and smooth father that he has always known. This was a different fox.

"Richard! What are you doing?" She turned to her son. "Go upstairs. Now."

Young Nick reluctantly walked away and headed up the stairs with Nick following suit. Young Nick stopped halfway, out of his parents' sight, so he could overhear their conversation. Nick sat next to his younger self, silently hoping that somehow the past will change, and that this would end differently.

"Richard, what the fuck was that? Why would you do that to our son? You don't have to crush his dreams."

"If not crushed now, then when? When he grows up to be a fucking loser like me?" his dad paused for a second. "He needs to know that it's impossible. So he doesn't grow up one day thinking he can escape the hustler's life. Like I did."

"Richard, I understand, my dreams were crushed too. But honey, Nick is still so young. He doesn't need to know about any of this! He needs to hold on to that precious hope he still has as long as possible!"

Richard stood up wearily and walked to his wife, tears were streaming down his face. She gave him a hug and said, "We can get through this Richard. There's no shame becoming a hustler again if we have to."

His eyes widened and his ears pricked up. "Cindy, did you think that we could do it? Suitopia? Did you think we would ever succeed?"

She released her hug and looked at him, her eyes filled with guilt. She didn't say anything.

"I fucking thought so."

Nick could see in Young Nick's eyes that he was hurting a lot.

"Yeah…yeah I remember this. I remember this too well," Nick thought to himself. "I remember I wished that someone could just make this whole thing go away. And I think I still do today too…"

Nick saw Young Nick run up the stairs back into his room. Little did Young Nick know that was the last time he saw his father.

The memory cut ahead again a few hours later, Nick was in his old bedroom, watching his mother sit on the bed with his younger self. He saw her puffy eyes and the damp fur around her eyes.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Young Nick asked.

"Yeah… yeah."

"Where's dad?"

She paused for a second and closed her eyes, "He's… he's gone sweetheart. He's going away on a very long trip."

"Is he coming back?"

"We'll see Nick, we'll see" she said quietly. That was the first time Nick learned there were simply some things that were hopeless.

"Sir, sir? Do you need help with anything?" Nick opened up his eyes and looked around. He was back in the gun store with Gunter the pig waving at him. It took all of his energy to regain his composure and sport his cool, collected smile.

"Oh no, I was just browsing. You know how it is. Gotta make sure to spend some quality time with each gun you look at."

"Ha! I know the feeling! I can't spend one minute away from my gun! Well if you're interested, we have a special sale for Glock 26 handgun. 30% off if you're interested."

"Well I think I spent enough time with the little Taurus here. Show me what you got."

The pig points to the gun in its display case, "Here it is!" Nick saw the gun, it looked similar to the gun that he uses when he's out in patrol.

"Ain't she a beaut?" Gunter snorts excitedly.

Nick pressed his face against the glass, he never thought about owning a gun. He had a mixed relationship with guns. He had to carry a gun in line of duty, but he had seen many friends taken down by guns held by people of the same uniform. But yet, for some reason, he felt like this gun was calling out to him.

"Buy it, Nick. You may need it for later," the voice advised.

Nick hesitated, but then reasoned, well… maybe it could be used for protection.

He asked Gunter, "Can I hold it?"

"Sure, come right this way."

Thirty minutes later at 6:15 pm, Nick walks back home holding a shopping bag. He wasn't sure what to make of this whole experience. He ran here because he felt compelled that he needed to be here, but yet he still doesn't know why. He didn't gain any closure being here. Instead, it just brought up a fantasy that can never happen, and painful memories he rather forget. He felt the darkness hit him in the heart and he coughed a sob.

"Why am I acting this way? Is it because what I did in Bogo's office? No…I felt this way before, just not in a long time…."

He eventually made it back to his place when he saw Judy standing right outside his door. From the looks of it, she was pissed off.

"Well fuck," Nick said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thank you for all the support so far, it makes me so happy that people actually want to read this! I just wanted to acknowledge that my chapter was very much inspired by some of the deleted scenes shown Imagining Zootopia, a Fusion documentary that showed the behind the scenes of the making of Zootopia. I just remembered watching those scenes and really feeling inspired to incorporate it into my story. I hope you guys enjoyed those parts! Once again, thanks for all your support!


	4. Chapter 4

-Earlier this morning-

"Beep beep beep beep!" rang the alarm on her Carrot Iphone.

Judy slowly opened her eyes, grabbed her phone on the drawer next to her, and swiped her phone to turn off the alarm. 6:15 AM. She groaned from the unbearable notion that she had to get up for work. She barely got any sleep, she kept thinking about last night. Last night when… it happened. She dragged herself to the communal bathroom that may have not been cleaned for ages and headed into one of the showers. She turned on the hot water and laid her head against the wall.

"Ugh…," she groaned. "Why do I do this to myself?" She closed her eyes and thought about last night.

-Flashback-

Judy was waiting for Nick at the atrium of the Zootopia police station impatiently thumping her left foot.

"Ugh, he's always late! Why do I bother coming on time," Judy thought to herself. Today was supposed be just like any other day. They were going to grab dinner at one of their favorite restaurants, Primavipera, and then just see where the night takes them. It was kind of their Friday tradition to grab dinner and then do whatever they felt like doing. Their nights would range from going to one of their places and having a movie marathon to nightlife at Sahara Square. Their fellow police officers often teased them for going on these "dates", but she didn't care. She knew that they were just best friends. However, she did hear a rumor that there was a Wildhoppes fan club that was led by Clawhauser; she thought that's a little weird. Okay, she thought that was really weird. After waiting 10 minutes, she finally saw Nick taking his time strolling across the atrium.

"Nick! Hurry up! I've been waiting forever!" Judy yelled.

"Whoa whoa, take it easy Carrots. Haven't you heard that patience is a virtue? I'm trying to have a bit more zen in my life," Nick teased.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I bet you were just taking selfies in the locker room!" she playfully accused.

He shrugged, "You caught me, but who are we kidding? When you have a body this good, you gotta take some selfies everywhere you go."

Judy rolled her eyes and said, "Anyways, let's go."

As they neared the restaurant, they couldn't contain their eagerness to eat their favorite dishes. "Oh my gosh, I cannot wait to eat their carrot lasagna. When I got it last time it was basically heaven in my mouth," Judy gushed.

"Ah yes, and my seafood medley pasta, its excellent balance of flavors, perfect cooking of the seafood, and all the different textures allowed it to achieve the perfect mouthfeel for each bite," Nick said with a snobbish tone.

"Jeez Nick, when did you become such a food critic."

He placed his paw on his chest pretending to be insulted, "What possibly could you mean? I was always this sophisticated."

"Yeah, I'm su-." Judy's voice trailed off when they reached Primavipera. They saw a sign on the door that says, "Date Night tonight! Enjoy the night with some authentic Italian food guaranteed to please your loved ones and make the night extra special. Couples only."

"What? Couples only? Did you know about this Nick?" Judy cried.

Nick shook his head. "No I didn't. I swear, I don't get why restaurants do this. There's a whole market of people in platonic relationships they're missing out on!"

"How am I going to get my carrot lasagna?" Judy said in total despair. She then saw Nick with a sly smile on his face.

"You got a plan Nick? Please tell me you do!"

"Don't worry Carrots, just follow my lead," Nick said. He grabbed her hand before Judy could say anything and walked in.

"Nick, what are you doing? We are not a couple!" Judy whispered angrily.

"Shut it Carrots, just go with it!" Nick whispered back.

They reached the hostess, Mary, a very smiley sea otter wearing a simple white top with a black vest and black pants.

Mary greeted, "Oh well if it isn't my two favorite patrons! And oh my god you two are an item now! Very cute, always shipped it."

Judy's eyebrows furrowed. "Ugh another mammal that ships us," she thought to herself.

Nick said, "Well you know, she wasn't sure about me at first since you know, but I kept chasing her. Eventually I finally wore her down once I got her a carrot from the farmer's market."

"Really? A carrot?" Judy thought to herself.

"Awwwwww, is that true Judy? You finally gave in to his charms from a carrot? I know I would," she winked to Nick.

"Okay, going to ignore that not really low-key flirting with my supposed man. And I didn't even know sea otters like carrots, like what..." Judy thought to herself. "Okay time to remember my 1st grade acting skills and embody the actress in me."

She grabbed both of Nick's hands, turned towards him, and gazed into his eyes, "Yeah, when he finally gave me that carrot, I thought it was so sweet that he remembers that I just love carrots so much!"

Nick smiled back as if to acknowledge her incredible cheesy acting skills.

"Well isn't that sweet! Let me bring you guys to a table! Oooh! I'm so excited for you two!"

The two were seated at their table near the center of the restaurant. At the center of each table there was a glass with a tiny candle inside and a skinny glass vase with a rose. The lighting was dimmed to set the mood as well.

"Really Nick? I agreed to go out with you because of a carrot?" Judy asked.

Nick chuckled to himself, "Well I've always known Mary shipped us so I could say whatever nonsense to her and she'll believe us. And I knew it would drive you crazy, sooooo…. I couldn't resist."

"Wow, you really are the dream guy, aren't you." Judy sarcastically said.

Nick stuck his tongue out and said, "What can I say? I'm just that good."

Nick started reading the menu to look at their daily specials while Judy mammal-watched all the couples around them. There were couples of every combination - same species couples, different preys or predators couples, and prey-predator couples.

"Hey Nick?"

Nick didn't look up from his menu, "Yeah?"

"Look at all the couples around us, I mean there's still a lot of same species couples, but look at how many interspecies couples there are!"

Nick looked around and smiled, "Things are a-changing in Zootopia huh."

"Yeah! I'm so glad that interspecies relationships are becoming more and more accepted."

"Yeah, which makes it totally okay for us to date now huh," Nick winked.

Judy blushed, "Yeah… totally…."

"That's weird," Judy thought to herself. "Why am I blushing? I never blush in front of him. Well I hope he didn't notice."

Luckily, the waiter came to take their orders and all eyes were on him. They ordered their usual Carrot Lasagna and Seafood Medley Pasta.

"So speaking of dating, what are some of your moves?" Judy asked.

"Why Carrots, what makes you think I go on dates?" he asked with a coy smile.

"Well… come on, I mean you do know everyone, wouldn't be surprised if you've gone on a date or two, or a hundred,"

He chuckled, "Wow, 100. You sure have high expectations of me."

She clasped her paws together and brought it up next to her head, "Well, like you said. You're just that good!"

"Can't argue with that logic. Well, I'll tell you one move that I do, have you ever noticed my gorgeous green eyes?"

Judy snickered, "Haha, what?"

"No it's true, when a date is talking to me about, well pretty much anything, I just make sure she notices my eyes, like this," Nick said. He then crosses his arm on the table, leans forward, tilts his head to the side, and looked at her intently.

"Wow, I never noticed it before but he really does have beautiful green eyes," Judy thought to herself. "I actually really love his snarky smile. It makes him look hot….oh gosh, do I think he's hot?"

Before she knew it, her body felt tickly and her cheeks turned pink. She quickly looked away in an attempt to hide her face.

"Haha! See? I told you it works!" Nick exclaimed happily.

"Pshhh whatever, it just got really hot in here, okay?"

It was a followed by an uncomfortable moment of silence. Nick coughed to his side while Judy pretended to admire the artwork around the restaurant. She felt dumb for blushing. Did she perhaps cross the border from best friends to something more from that one tiny action?

Nick broke the silence and asked, "So um, I just showed you one of my moves, what's one of yours?"

Her ears drooped and she looked down when she heard that question.

She answered quietly, "Well…to be honest, I've never really gone on a real date." Judy suddenly felt ashamed that she never really dated. Throughout her life, she was busy pursuing her goal to be in the Zootopia police force. As a result, she never really made time to date. But now that she's in her mid-20s and thriving in her job too, she felt that perhaps she should start dating. However, dating was such uncharted territory for her. She was too insecure to try, especially when she compared herself to Nick, who she thought probably had tons more experience than her. Her only experience with romance was having a one night stand with a male jock bunny in high school.

She prepared herself from some ruthless mocking, but Nick just smiled assuringly and said, "Well, I'm honored to be your very first date then. Let's make this the perfect night for you then." He raised a glass of wine in the air.

Pleasantly surprised, Judy smiled and said, "Let's do it." She clinked her glass of wine against his and they both drank.

They spent the rest of their dinner eating their delicious food and chatting it up. Throughout the dinner, she continued to experience these emotions and thoughts she never had with him. She felt butterflies in her stomach talking to him and became more giggly than usual. She couldn't stop thinking about how cute he was and hearing his voice would make her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"Why… why am I being so weird today?" Judy thought.

After they paid their bill, Nick excused himself to go to the bathroom. As she watched him head to the bathroom, she told herself, "Wow that tail is a lot cuter and furrier than I remember. I wonder how soft it is if he hugs me with it."

Then a horrible thought crossed her. "Uh oh, I think I'm attracted to Nick!"

She internally screamed in her head. "How did this happen? Nick and I are just friends! Just partners! Oh no, I wonder if it'll be a problem if we're in a relationship and partners. Oh my gosh this is crazy I don't even know if Nick likes me! Oh no why do I care if Nick is in love with me? Oh gosh what do I do?"

Thousands of thoughts about the future of Nick and her ran through her head when he seemed to come out of nowhere and said, "Hey, if you wanted to continue this 'date night,' there's a place I want to take ya."

Judy wanted to say no, but looking at his smile, she had no choice but to agree.

-Back at the shower-

Judy opened up her eyes in the shower and thought to herself, "Shit how long have I been in the shower!" She turned off the water, quickly got her clothes on and checked her phone.

"20 minutes to 7, okay I have 20 minutes to get to work. No time to brush my fur and all of that stuff. I can get there if I rush." She ran and hopped all the way to work with 5 minutes to spare. She headed to the briefing room when she realized that she had to sit next to Nick on that chair they shared.

"No… there's no way I can do that now. Aaagh why? You know what, this is fine. I've dealt with much worse before. I just gotta go in and do it!"

She opened the door and saw that Nick was already there. She immediately felt like she has not dealt with anything worse than this. She internally screamed inside as she walked to the chair and hopped on next to him. She could feel his body stiffen up as she sat. Her body proceeded to do the same.

"H-h-hey Carrots," Nick said.

"H-h-hey," Judy said.

Thankfully, they did not have to carry out any more of what would be a very awkward conversation as Chief Bogo came into the room. She was grateful that they were not assigned to any cases or put on patrol duty. Their main job today was to do paperwork, which they could do in separate cubicles. After the briefing, she quickly rushed out to her own cubicle without saying anything to Nick. She felt that if she could just focus on her paperwork, she can get through the day. However, she could only focus on what happened after dinner.

-Flashback-

Nick and Judy were hiking through a trail at a park in Central Zootopia. Trees surrounded them and Judy started to feel worried about where they're going.

"Where are we going Nick? We've been hiking forever! And I can barely see anything," Judy said nervously.

"Hold on Carrots, we should be here right about…..Now!" Nick pushed a bush out of the way, and there she saw a beautiful lake, gleaming from the light of a full moon. The soft ripples of the lake gently added to the sounds of the night symphony. Fireflies fluttered around and glowed brilliantly as if they were welcoming them to this sacred spot.

"This is one of my favorite places when I was growing up, it was a place where I could relax when… life got too hard," Nick admitted somberly.

"Wow…. Nick! This place is gorgeous!" Judy looked with wonder.

"Yeah, I only take my favorite dates here. Looks like you made the cut Carrots," Nick winked at Judy.

Judy started feeling warm and fuzzy inside again despite the cool night air. She felt like she was seeing a whole new side of him. A side of him that was a romantic, funny, and caring. She also realized she liked the parts of Nick that she already knew about as well.

They both faced the lake and soaked in its beauty for a few minutes.

Judy broke the silence and said, "Wow, so you must've really impressed the women you've taken here. Can't believe you showed this to a dumb ol bunny like me."

Nick stayed silent and started walking away from her.

"Shoot! Did I say something wrong? Oh gosh, oh gosh why did I say that?" she thought to herself. She was just about to apologize when Nick started to speak.

"Judy, you're not a dumb ol bunny to me. You're perfect to me. You're so clever. You managed to trick me into helping you with the Missing Mammals case. Me! And I had been conning mammals for at least 20 years! You're so hardworking. Mammals don't give you enough credit for how hard you work. I know you study the rule book everyday and train early in the morning right before you go to work. You're so determined. You don't let any obstacle or mammal get you down no matter how hard it got. You have a big heart, you reach out to anyone that cries for help or that society has left behind…"

While this was happening, Judy was just in shock. "What is Nick doing? Is he declaring his love for me? Judy wondered.

Nick continued, "But most of all, you believed in me and you wouldn't give up on me, even after I have given up on myself for 25 years. Your encouragement allowed me to become more than just a confox." He finally turned around and pointed at her, "Because of you, you allowed me to break the stereotypes that have haunted me for years. I've never dreamt that I would be a police officer that can make Zootopia a better place. But now I know that I can because you taught me. You taught me that I'm more than just a fox."

Judy was touched. Touched by how he really feels about her. That underneath that sarcastic exterior he puts on for show, is a fox who truly cares for her. She walked towards him to give him a hug, but her foot got caught under a branch and she tripped. She found herself on top of Nick's arms and when she looked up, she saw Nick and the smile that she has come to love. She felt that her cheeks were red, but she noticed his were too. Their eyes were filled with nervous anticipation but intense longing. Before she knew what she was doing, she pulled his tie down to close the gap between their heads and kissed him. She felt his arms clasp around her into a passionate embrace. She allowed herself to sink into the warmness and softness of his fur and felt like she belonged in his arms. She felt like she was floating as he held her up and spun her around as they kissed. It was the perfect kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Her snout and his muzzle were still touching each other tenderly. They held on to each other as their faces slowly backed away from each other. All Judy wanted to look at was his beautiful face with the green eyes she could dive into and the smile that warms her heart. Her heart was still racing, every beat just seemed to scream out "Nick, Nick, Nick!"

It was the most amazing kiss she has ever had, and it was with her best friend.

Her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh god, I just kissed my best friend," she realized. It seemed Nick came to same conclusion as they both quickly stepped away from each other.

Refusing to look at Nick out of pure embarrassment, Judy stuttered, "Um so yeah so I'm going to call it a night, um yeah so I'll just call a Zuuber to get me."

Nick stammered, "Yeah, yeah that sounds great, yeah you do that. I'll get a zyft, yeah a zyft."

**\---4 hours before confrontation---**

Judy slammed her head on her desk. She had no idea what she's going to do.

She thought to herself, "That kiss was perfect, I never felt anything like it! And Nick is such a sweet, caring, and loving guy! But he's my best friend! I don't want to ruin our friendship if it doesn't work out! Oh god what do I do? What do I do?

"I just don't know!" Judy shouted out loud. A bunch of police officers turned to look at her in confusion.

"Uh, I just don't know why the referee allowed that obvious foul from the Seatropolis Seahorses!" Judy said in an attempt to save face.

All the police officers muttered in agreement as they returned to their work. "Phew." Judy said.

Returning to her duty of upmost importance, she told herself that she is going to figure out what she is going to do with the whole Nick situation.

"Okay, if I just organize my thoughts then I can do this. What do I like about Nick? What do I not like about Nick?" Judy pondered. "He's cute, but he's kinda dumb. But he's so smart and clever too. But he can also be a jerk. But he's so caring at the same. Ugh, this isn't working!"

Judy heard someone said, "You okay honey?" She popped out of her stress bubble and saw a tan coyote standing right by her side. It was Beatrice, one of the veteran police officers. Being one of the medium-sized police officers, she also knew what it was like to be surrounded by imposing elephants, rhinoceros, and tigers. She made sure to take care of Judy when she first started, and in return Judy saw her as a mother figure in Zootopia. Plus Beatrice also made one of the most amazing carrot cakes ever.

"I noticed your little outburst earlier and I know you don't care about basketball like the guys around here. You need to talk?" Beatrice smiled warmly.

Seeing her smile was perhaps one of the most comforting things she's seen all day. Well if she had to tell someone, it might as well be Beatrice.

"Yeah, so last night, this guy and I…" Judy started off.

"Oh you mean Nick?" Beatrice interrupted with a wink.

"What? How did you know?" Judy asked.

"Everyone knows something happened between two. Especially with you two being all awkward and such during the morning briefing. Plus, you ran off right when the briefing ended! Usually you two walk off together to patrol or to your offices or whatever. Truth be told…I've been betting on you guys to get together."

"What!? Betting on us?" Judy exclaimed.

"Yeah! There's a whole betting pool! But that's not the point! Tell me what happened!"

Judy was a little annoyed with the shipping happening behind her back, but then she shrugged it off and cleared her throat, "Well, okay so Nick and I kinda had a moment last night. He took me to this beautiful lake with fireflies and moonlight and he confessed how much he cared about me. And then we kissed… and it was magical. It felt like I was in a rom com. Like a cheesy but good one. But then right after the kiss, it was really awkward. And…I think it was because we realized that what we just did could change our relationship forever. And at least for me, I'm too scared to make that step forward. I mean what if it doesn't work out? What if Nick never wants to see me again? It feels safer to just forget this whole thing happened and just be friends huh."

Judy suddenly felt ashamed and looked down at the ground as her ears drooped, "Gosh, I must sound really crazy huh?" But she then felt herself being lifted up into a gentle squeeze.

"Oh honey, you're just going through what everyone goes through. A crush. Simple as that. Nothing complicated."

"It feels complicated though," Judy said as she was put back to her seat.

"It doesn't have to be with my super sound advice! Here's what you need to do. First, figure out if it's a legitimate crush or just a physical attraction. Close your eyes and tell me what you first think of."

Judy closed her eyes and the kiss came into mind. "The kiss."

"Okay, what's the second thing that comes to your mind?"

Judy thought of the dinner date last night. "Our dinner date that was not supposed to be a date but I guess it was."

"Okay then, not sure what that means but I'll ask about that later. What's the third thing that comes to your mind?"

Her mind immediately went to right before they caught Flash for speeding. When she told him that she loved him. As a friend at the time, but now she's not so sure.

"When I told Nick that I loved him as a friend."

"Oh my gosh, that is so cute, okay if your first three thoughts are about Nick, then you might have something real going on here. Now here's the second thing to think about, and I really want you to think about it. Do you two make each other better mammals? If so, then I say you should go for it. And with that, I'll leave you to it. There's a donut at Clawhauser's desk that is calling my name."

Judy waved to Beatrice as she left and thought about her advice. "Do we make each other better mammals? I guess? But I can't really think of a time.

She thought hard. Then she thought really hard. Then she thought really really hard. Right when she was able to give up, suddenly, one memory stood out to her.

"Oh Darren…." She whispered to herself.

**\---Flashback---**

Judy and Nick were patrolling around the streets in one of the shadier areas of Zootopia. It was Nick's first month of policework and he was trying to get used to the idea of just driving around without doing anything.

Nick said, "You know when I joined the police force, I thought it'll be wild police chases and shootouts! Not aimlessly driving around random neighborhood."

"Nick! Patrolling the streets is very important! It may not be the most exciting, but hey it's better than being meter maid," Judy lectured.

"Yeah that's great, can we like go to the nearest café and grab coffee?" Nick asked.

"Nick you just got coffee 2 hours ago, you need another one?"

"Yes, I'm a growing fox. Growing foxes need coffee. I learned that in biology."

"I'm pretty sure you never went to biology."

"Well my name was on the attendance sheet, I presume. That counts right?"

She let out a heavy sigh. Sometimes she wondered how Nick got top of his class at the police academy. She knew that Nick is a great police officer, he just makes it really hard to remember sometimes.

"Why don't we park around this corner and then we can patrol around the neighborhood on foot, get our blood flowing," Judy suggested.

"Yeah I guess so, I should grace the neighborhood with my presence."

They walked down Paw Street, and from Judy's first glance, she could tell this was a tough neighborhood. Every window she saw had burglar bars, old cars lined the street with some of them broken into, graffiti lined every wall that she passed by. This was very different from Bunnyburrow. To her, this place was full of potential crime just waiting to happen. She looked up at Nick who had a pensive look on his eyes.

"Nick, is there something wrong?" she asked.

He broke out of his thoughts and gave her his signature smile, "No, I'm fine, it's just that," the smile waned away, "It kind of reminds me of where I used to live."

"Oh….what was your home like?"

Nick never answered. She knew Nick heard her but she knows he doesn't like to talk about his past. Despite knowing each other for about 10 months at this point, she felt like she didn't know him at all. They loved to banter and she could sometimes notice when he wasn't being his usual cocky self, but it bothered her that the only thing she knew about his past was that his mother got him a Junior Ranger Scout uniform. Her thoughts were interrupted when Nick put his arm in front of her before they passed an alleyway.

"Do you hear that?" He asked.

Judy raised her ears and zoned in on the conversation in the alleyway.

"$50 for a pound, take it or leave it," a gruff voice said.

"Fine, but I won't be coming back to you again," another voice said.

"Sounds like a drug deal is happening, Nick. You wanna take this one?" Judy whispered.

She noticed the hesitancy in his look and body language before he said, "No, you can take this one Judy."

"Fine, lets do this!"

Judy hopped in front of the alleyway, with Nick following, pointed her stun gun and yelled, "ZPD! Drop it!"

There revealed a fox handing a bag of marijuana to a kangaroo. Part of the training at the academy was to notice everything about your suspects in mere seconds. Right at first glance, she saw they were young, could not be more than 15 years old. The fox had a scar across his left cheek, wearing a yellow hoodie with a oversized t-shirt that had a logo of his favorite rap group, and baggie jeans. Meanwhile the kangaroo had on a nice dress shirt on, seemed finely pressed, and slacks.

Once they saw Judy and Nick, they knew there was no way out of it. They were in an alleyway and the only exit was through the police officers. They dropped the bag of marijuana and put their paws up.

"That'll teach ya to be dealing and buying drugs on the street next time!" Judy mocked.

They were in the police car with the two delinquents in the back, pawcuffed. The fox had a muzzle around his mouth. She was beaming, they actually busted someone today! Sure it wasn't a bank robbery or a high speed police chase but it always felt nice to serve justice.

She looked at Nick and saw he was staring out the window, deep in thought. She said, "Hey, how does it feel to have your first mini drug bust, huh?"

He said curtly without looking back, "Yeah it's great."

She noticed that Nick was behaving a bit distant from her. She thought he would be more excited, but during the whole arrest, she noticed he seemed uncomfortable, perhaps even a little regretful it happened.

"Is everything okay Nick?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

* * *

 

That was the end of their conversation for the whole ride back to the police station.

A few hours after the arrest, Judy walked to Nick's desk with his favorite donut, glazed donuts with blueberry filling and sprinkled cricket legs on top. She didn't understand why he would like anything so gross, but hey, he doesn't understand why she likes carrots so much. She saw Nick's bored face facing his computer and felt a bit reassured that he seems to be back to normal.

She handed him the donut and said, "Here, um I noticed you were feeling a bit gloomy today, so I thought this could help."

He looked at her and gave a weak smile, "Thanks, Carrots. An extra heaping of carbs and sugars is always good medicine."

She raised her paw over her mouth and snickered, "Right, it's the best way to keep the doctor away."

He snorted, "Haha, that's a good one, you need to get that copyrighted."

She smiled, "You're such a dumb fox haha." Her expression suddenly turned more somber and reached out, "But yeah, you don't have to tell me, but I just wanted to know what's wrong and if there was anything I could do to help."

She saw that his smile disappeared and saw pain and hurt in his eyes. The last time she saw that was when he was remembering the Junior Ranger Scout incident. He set his arms on his desk and clasped his paws together and leaned slightly down. His ears were drooped back.

She put her paw on his back, "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me. Something's obviously bothering you and we don't have to talk about it."

"No it's fine, it's just that Darren reminded me a lot of when I was young." Nick confessed.

"Oh…" Judy could only utter. She assumed Nick was talking about the young fox they just arrested.

"Yeah, and it just seems unfair that while I'm here, he's about to get his life destroyed by jail time. I don't know it just seems like it could've easily been me when I was a teenager."

Judy said, "Well what's important is that you're here. Being a police officer that can uphold the law and carry out justice. I know it sucks but no matter how you look at it, he committed a crime. And well, we got to make sure no crime goes unpunished."

She saw one of his ears prick and his paws clenched. Nick suddenly stood up and looked at her angrily, "Are you serious Judy? Are you fucking serious? What kind of bullshit is that? He is going to jail for a nonviolent crime, and he is most likely going to come out much more violent than he ever was going to be since you know, it's prison! And let's say by some miracle, he comes out fine and unscarred, do you know how much harder it'll be for him to find a job? It's already so hard for a fox to get an honest, decent job. Do you even wonder why many foxes have to resort to the life of crime? Do you think it's because we're predisposed to having these kind of jobs? Um no, it's because we are the lowest of the lowest and nobody trusts us. Do you how hard it is to get an "honest" job around here for us foxes? It was nearly impossible for me! My first honest job was a dishwasher, and I was fired because they accused me of stealing food since "that's what foxes do." My next honest job wasn't until years later when I got this police officer job. And guess what? Even when I walk around in uniform, I still get looks from other mammals. I still see mothers holding their kids closer to them when I pass by them, mammals crossing the street so they don't have to pass by me, and other shit like that. So don't tell me that this is justice and that the law is fair because it's not. It's fucking not.

Judy just stared at him, speechless. Nick was breathing heavily, still riled up from the whole rant. Once he calmed down, it looked like he just regretted yelling at Judy.

"I need some air," and he stormed off.

Judy felt like tearing up, "How could I have been so naive, so stupid, so blind." She studied the law intensely, she knew the exact punishment for each crime down to the exact word. Yet she could not see the injustice that many foxes had to live with because she loved the law. If she had not known Nick, she would've just thrown that young fox into jail without a second thought. She felt sick, she felt dirty. She came here to serve Zootopia, but she didn't realize until now that she was serving just some of Zootopia. She didn't even bother to learn Darren's name.

"I really am a dumb bunny huh…" Judy thought.

She sullenly walked back to her desk and sat on her oversized chair. I have to make this right, for Nick and Darren. She pondered about what she could do for 20 minutes, when suddenly she thought of an idea. She texted Nick, "I know you're mad at me but please meet me at Bogo's office ASAP." She then hopped off to Bogo's office.

* * *

 

She waited outside Bogo's office for 10 minutes, she was afraid that Nick wasn't going to come when she finally saw an orange furry figure heading to her. She saw that his ears were drooped.

When he finally arrived, he started apologized, "Look Judy, I'm sor-

"No, please don't apologize. I should be sorry. Sorry for all the insensitive and ignorant things I have said. You deserved to be mad at me. I'm sure I've said other things that you brushed past because well you probably just hear it so often that you don't expect mammals to think otherwise. But please, keep telling me whenever I say or do something wrong, I want to be better. I can't be a good police officer just by upholding the law. I also have to ensure that every Zootopian gets the respect and equality they deserve. And I know what I'm going to do next is not going to fix everything, but maybe it can be a small step towards progress."

Nick smiled. It wasn't one of those sly smiles he regularly gives. It was a genuine smile that she first saw when she gave him the application to apply for the police academy. "Thanks Judy, that… that means a lot. Anyways so why did you call me outside Bogo's office?"

Judy gave her own version of the signature Nick smile and said, "You'll see."

She knocked on the door when they heard a gruff "Come in," from Chief Bogo.

Once inside, she immediately presented a well-detailed, logical argument against imprisonment for the young Darren. She listed past cases where other animals have been suspected for dealing drugs but for some reason were only charged with drug possession. She listed laws and loopholes arguing that Billy should not have prison time. She claimed that since Nick and she were the only ones who witnessed the event, technically they could say that they only saw that he had possession of drugs. She ends with stating the fact that drug possession only has the punishment of a fee, which she is willing to spot, and community service.

During this whole argument, Chief Bogo looked at her sternly, with his head on top of his crossed hooves. He took it all in after she was done, closed his eyes, and after what seemed like hours, he said, "You present a very convincing argument Hopps. And I want to agree with you, but it would be against every moral fiber in my body to simply let you two slide with this…unless you can make sure to me that this kid will be reformed for sure."

"That is why I also recommend Nick to be his mentor for at least 3 months, someone he can meet up with every week to check his progress. I believe Nick will be an excellent mentor as he has shown resiliency against every stereotype dealt against him. I mean, if you're willing to do so Nick."

Nick had a look of surprise, but quickly turned that into a smile and sold himself, "Of course! I will make sure that kid doesn't sell a single drug in his life, unless he becomes a pharmacist, which I'm sure I can steer him towards when I'm done with him." He gave Chief Bogo a wink.

Chief Bogo's eyebrows furrowed at the wink but then he gave a sigh and nodded, "Make sure no one finds out about this. You're dismissed."

* * *

 

Nick and Judy were outside with Darren with him shaking both of their paws furiously.

"Thank you, thank you so much. I thought I was gonna be in jail for sure and well I don't know what would've happened."

"No problem Darren. You seem like a good kid that just made a few small mistakes. No one deserves to go to jail for that. Just make sure you do your community service." Judy said.

Nick put his arm around Darren, "And with me by your side, we'll make sure that you will never end up here again! Unless you want to be a police officer like me, or if you just wanna visit!"

Darren said, "Yeah for sure, thanks so much! You know I always thought all cops were just mammals who hated foxes. But I'm glad at least you two are looking for us foxes too. The only reason I did this was well because my family is poor and we needed more money, and I heard this was the best way..."

Nick said, "I know, it's tough. And it's going to continue being tough. But I believe in you, and I will make sure to help you every step of the way.

Darren hugged Nick and Judy goodbye and left waving to them.

As they were watching him leave, Nick said, "Thanks Carrots."

"Hm? What did I do?" Judy asked.

He faced her and smiled, "You did more than you could possibly ever know. You gave that kid a second chance in life, just like you did for me. I became a better fox because of you, and so will that kid."

She blushed a bit and punched him in the arm, "Oh don't get so sappy with me, you taught me how to become a better bunny today too."

Nick scoffed, "Well duh, that part is obvious,"

Judy laughed, "Hey!"

**\---3.5 hours before confrontation---**

"Oh Darren… we miss you so much. Even though your life was cut so short, today you were able to teach me a valuable lesson," Judy thought sadly. "And frankly, now that I think about it, Nick and I make each other better in so many ways."

She knew now. She knew that she had to take a risk, go for it, give it a shot. Nick and her together. More than just best friends. More than just partners. A couple together, being one together. She felt giggly just thinking about it, Nick and her together! Who would've thought this would happen! Feeling much better about her day, she finally set to work on her paperwork, excited for what's to come.

**\---1 hour and 15 minutes before confrontation---**

Judy was packing up and organizing her desk before she clocked out for the day. She felt at the same time giddy and nervous. She was going to surprise Nick outside his apartment and confess her feelings.

"Should I bring flowers? Or chocolate?" Judy wondered. "No, I think just bringing myself should be fine. I shouldn't bribe him into wanting to be with me!"

She was about to leave when she saw Chief Bogo outside her cubicle.

Surprised and a little concerned that Bogo was outside her office, she said, "Oh hey, Chief Bogo, did you need something?"

Chief Bogo said, "Officer Hopps," he sighed in the middle, "I just wanted to inform you that Nick asked to be reassigned to another partner. You two will have new partners tomorrow."

Judy stood in shock just staring at Bogo. After 5 seconds, she snapped out of it and said, "I'm sorry chief, for a second I thought you said that Nick wanted to be reassigned to someone else."

"That is what I said Hopps," he replied.

And with that, she felt her heart break into a million pieces. She managed to hold back her tears and utter out, "Oh… okay… duly noted."

She walked out without being asked to be dismissed, and just kept walking, unaware of her surroundings until she reached her car. She got into her car, threw her bag to the passenger seat and started sobbing.

After a few minutes of sobbing, she wiped away her tears with her arm and stared out the windshield.

"Why would Nick do that? Was it because of the kiss? Even with the kiss, I still don't understand why he would do that. We're best friends. Best friends don't asked to be reassigned! Especially without telling the other!"

She started to feel the anger overtake her, "Yeah, best friends don't do that to each other! In fact, mammals in general don't fucking do that to each other. What a total lack of respect for me! You know what, I'm going to his place. But not to confess my love to him. Fuck that. I'm going to confront him. He is not getting away with this."

And with that she turned on the ignition, and drove off to Nick's apartment.

**\---3 minutes before confrontation-—**

Judy was right outside the door to Nick's apartment. She was ready to erupt like a volcano and let out all her anger on Nick. On the way here, she thought about all the things Nick did to her in the past that made her mad. Calling her cute, making fun of her for liking carrots, distracting her while she's doing paperwork, never cleaning up for himself whenever he came over, and so much more.

She knocked on the door and yelled, "Nick! Nick! Get your ass out of here!" She kept knocking, "Nick! Nick!"

She realized he wasn't home and had a moment of clarity. "Maybe, just maybe, he had good reason to do this," she thought to herself. She turned around and saw Nick heading back to his apartment. "Or maybe he's a horrible fox that broke my heart and betrayed my friendship. And now I'm going to make sure he gets what he deserves."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! To make up for being late with the previous chapter, I decided to give you guys another chapter today! Woo! Also, thank you for all the support! It really makes me happy to see that people are enjoying my story! Anyways, onwards to the next chapter!

Nick slowly walked up to Judy until they were about five feet apart. He was not looking forward to this, but he knew he had to eventually. Chills ran through his spine when he saw Judy's angry face up close. Her arms were crossed and her right foot was thumping the ground at mach speed. She was really mad.

"Hey Carrots, uh.. w-w-what's up?" Nick nervously asked.

Judy felt incensed that he had the nerve to call her Carrots.

With quiet fury, she said, "You...you don't get to call me Carrots anymore. Not after that shit you pulled today."

"Look… Ju-"

"What the hell is wrong with you Nick? What the fucking hell? Why would you ask to be reassigned? Without even telling me? Was it because of the kiss? Are you that much of a coward that you couldn't at least talk to me about it?" Judy yelled.

Nick said, "Please just listen to me. I just thought-"

Judy interrupted, "Yeah, you just thought! We're partners Nick. Partners mean we! Not just you! We make decisions together!"

"Look, we kissed Judy. That's going to create all this weird tension between us and-"

From the tone of his voice Judy knew that Nick didn't actually believe what he was saying. This was his confox voice, not his genuine voice.

"How dare he treat me like I'm just another con to him." she thought angrily to herself.

Incensed, she ran to him and slapped him in the face with her left paw. Before he had time to react, she slapped him again. That felt good.

Nick looked at her with disbelief as he rubbed his cheek with his paw. It was tender.

"You… you actually wanted to hurt me," Nick whispered quietly.

Some of Judy's anger dissipated from the slap and she even found herself feeling a little regretful for slapping Nick. She also recognized the irony of the situation. Despite Nick being the predator and she the prey, she was the first to hurt the other with intent. Nick made sure to never hurt her physically, even when he clamped on her neck during that time he had to pretend to be savage. She wasn't going to apologize though. The fire in her wasn't going to let Nick pull the victim card on her.

"Nick, cut the crap. You and I know that is literally such bullshit. Why won't you tell me the real reason?"

Nick was still rubbing his cheek as he said, "Judy….please understand that this is for the best for both of us."

"I know you're smarter than this. What you're saying doesn't even make sense. We were one of the best teams in the precinct! You really think a kiss would destroy us? Do you have that little faith in us?"

Nick knew that Judy would see right through him. He hasn't been at his A-game today and Judy was quite perceptive. However, he did not want to tell her the real reason. He has spent years building walls around his true emotions. He never wanted to show that he was weak, especially in his past profession which required confidence, charisma, and flair. He constructed the perfect persona for himself, the lazy, sly fox who could trick anyone. No one could ever get through those walls, except Judy. For some reason, she could see through him and his walls would crumble down. It took him a while to realize why this bunny, this bunny from some hick town could get through the steel defenses to his emotions, his past, his memories. He now knows why, he just didn't want to admit it. After carefully rummaging through all his options, he realized his best plan was to escape.

He took a deep breath and said, "Judy, I tried telling you why so many times, yet you won't listen to me. There's no getting through to you. I'm not going to waste any more time with this conversation. So now if you'll excuse me, I'm going into my apartment to watch Cave Hunters."

Judy didn't understand why he was being so resistant to tell her the truth. She never really tried prying into his past out of respect for him, but the fire inside her dictated that he didn't deserve that respect now. Plus, this was personal for her too.

"No way you're not!" Judy yelled. She spread her body as wide as possible to block the way, but unfortunately he could easily push her aside.

"Crap, I have to think of another way to get him to stay," Judy thought. "Maybe if I really piss him off, he'll finally tell me."

Judy started yelling insults at him as he walked to his apartment.

"Nick, you're literally the worst fox I've ever met!" Judy yelled.

"That's not true, I'm the best fox you've ever met and you know it," Nick countered.

"You're so lazy, you only finish a quarter of the amount of paperwork I do in the same span of time!"

"Guilty as charged," he admitted.

"You're not as good looking as you think you are!"

"Judy, this isn't going to work! I'm already turning the lock with my key!" Nick teased. Nick felt good, he thought he could get away with this. She will never have to know and this will all go according to plan.

Judy started to panic, she had to think of something horrible to say to Nick before he went in. She finally thought of something, she knew it was going to hurt him immensely, but she knew she had to.

"You never became a better fox. If you did, then Darren would still be alive today." Judy said.

That stopped Nick at his tracks. The last thing she said, it felt like an icicle stabbing him in the back. How could she say that? Every muscle on his body tensed up. He started shaking a little. He was then haunted by his memories of Darren. From when he first met him in that alleyway, until when he saw his untimely demise in that same alleyway. Despair and grief coursed throughout his body.

"I'm so sorry Darren…" Nick said quietly. "I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you."

His grief soon was replaced by anger. His eyes glowed with fury.

He turned to Judy and snarled, "How dare you mention his name! Who do you think you are? Bringing up his name like that? Have some fucking respect for him!"

Even though Judy knew he was right, she didn't care right now. Her own fire took over her mind and body and all she wanted was to know the truth.

"I bet you were just another confox to him whenever you met up with him. That's why he went back to the stre-"

"Okay, okay do you know why I fucking asked to be reassigned? You really fucking want to know? It's because I'm broken...I'm so broken."

His anger was soon replaced with his depression as his body sank down to the ground. "I've been broken for such a long time. You don't even know the half of it. In a way, you don't even know me, because this side of me is all of me." He sighed. "I know you've caught glimpses of me being a little off. I'm always battling with this….inner voice, or I guess my inner demons. Most mammals don't see because I learned how to act like, well how I usually act. But those glimpses that you catch, that is me when it becomes too much, and then I accidentally let it show. And Judy I've been with other girls before, some of them that I thought I loved. And it always starts off great but then my inner voice always finds a way to hurt them and they hate me in the end. And Judy, I care about you way too much to do that to you. I don't want to hurt you like that. I figured if you ended up hating me before my inner demon got to you, it won't be as bad."

Nick paused for a second, then asked, "Are you happy now? Now that you know the truth?"

He looked up to her and saw her just staring at him with such shock. He was terrified. He never told anyone about his inner voice. Judy managed to be the only mammal to break down every wall he had protecting this secret he held for a long time. His heart beat quickly as he waited her response.

Judy was speechless. She never expected him to open up to her like that. She didn't realize all the pain and suffering that Nick went through every day. The true Judy would've apologized right away for what she did, run over to Nick and hug him to comfort him in his time of need. However, that Judy wasn't here right now. She still had that fire raging inside her.

She confessed, "You know, earlier today I decided that maybe we could give us a shot. Like you know, be a couple." She then coldly said, "But now that I see you, I see that you never became a better fox. This was all just one big con. A con to not only break my heart, but to also trick yourself into believing that you could be more than just a sly, shifty, untrustworthy fox."

She turned around and walked away, not bothering to look back. Her fire was finally extinguished and all she felt was numbness inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Judy opened the car door, hopped in, and closed the door behind her. She looked out the windshield and saw a couple of cubs playing soccer on the street. It still hadn't hit her what just happened. Perhaps her mind was trying to protect her from the horrible thought that everything she had with Nick will be gone forever. But then she saw an interspecies couple, a tiger and a gazelle locking arms and laughing as they walked down the street. It then hit her. All at once. Everything from finding out about the date to the reassignment to the confrontation. She started to sob.

"How could Nick do that to me? How could I do that to Nick? I yelled at him. He betrayed me. But I said horrible things to him. I betrayed him too. He needs to apologize to me! I need to apologize…no I can't. He'll never forgive me. Well maybe if I go back to his apartment? No, no I can't. I did too much already. I need to leave."

She recollected herself after a few minutes, wiped away her tears and turned on the ignition.

* * *

She laid down on her bed with her hands behind her head. She had earphones in her ears that were connected to her Iphone. She was listening to all the sad ballads that Gazelle, Tiglor Swift, and Christina Aguilemur had to offer. It was also helping her ignore the commotion happening in Bucky and Pronk's apartment. She believed they were arguing about whose turn it was to wash the dishes.

She sighed to herself, she believed she had no more tears left to shed after the drive home. She just wanted to distract herself from the idea that Nick and she will probably never be partners or friends again and try to move on.

"What's in the past is in the past," she told herself. "There's….nothing I can do about it right now. Let's play some Gazelle Hollyforest on my phone. Being her best friend always cheers me up."

She grabbed her phone on the dresser next to her bed and pressed the home button. What appeared was a selfie of Nick and her on the lock screen. It was Nick's first day of work and they wanted to take a selfie to commemorate this moment. Their faces were pressed against each other. Nick was wearing his shades that he so dearly loved and giving his signature grin. Judy was giving her biggest smile and completely oblivious to the fact that Nick used his paw to give her a "bunny ear."

She laughed to herself and, reminisced "His first day and he was already a douche." She gently touched Nick's face in the picture, "This feels so long ago…We were so happy to be partners." Suddenly a picture of a gray rabbit in a blue flannel shirt with a white top popped up on her phone screen. She had her paws on her hips, was giving a wink, and giving her biggest smile. It was her older sister, Cheryl, requesting to Muzzletime her. Judy instinctively slide the screen without realizing how terrible she must've looked at the moment. A close up live feed of her sister's snout appeared on the screen.

"Hey Judy! Oh shit, ugh you're probably seeing a close up of my snout. Haha, how embarrassing! Technology! I still don't get it!" The screen zoomed out showing her whole face this time. "So how are you-oh my gosh Judy are you okay?" Cheryl's smile quickly disappeared into a concerned look.

Judy looked at the tiny square screen of her face which somehow was still able to effortlessly capture her puffy eyes, trail of wet fur, and disheveled fur.

"Damn Carrot products and their amazing retina display," Judy thought.

"Hey Cheryl, I'm…okay. How are you doing? Have you seen the latest episode of Mouse of Cards?"

"Don't try to change the subject. What happened?"

Judy sighed. She knew her attempts would be futile. Cheryl was probably one of the most stubborn bunnies she has ever known. Judy remembered that one time when she and Cheryl got into a fight. Cheryl believed she was definitely right so planted herself on top of Judy's bed and refused to move for the whole night. It was only until Judy reluctantly apologized that she was able to go back to her bed to sleep. Cheryl usually won the fights.

Judy reluctantly consented, "Ugh fine, it's about Nick."

Cheryl asked, "Omg, are you guys together? You know, I've always shipped you two."

Judy grunted in frustration. "Jesus, how many mammals ship us together?" she thought. She also didn't need another reminder that she was heartbroken.

"Quite the opposite actually, I had my heart broken by him. And… I think in return I broke him."

Cheryl gasped. "Well if he broke your heart, then I sure am glad that you broke him! What a jerk! My little sister is the best bunnylorette out there!"

Judy laughed a little, "Hahaha, oh sis, I know I can count on you for your support. But….it's actually more complicated than that."

Judy started recounting everything that has happened since the dinner-kinda-date. As she did that, Cheryl said nothing, but instead showed a variety of expressions ranging from shock, excitement, to sadness.

When Judy was done, Cheryl said, "Wow…wow….lots of things sure happened between you two."

Judy nodded in agreement slowly. She then started to tear up.

"Oh Cheryl, I really messed up didn't I? I don't want it to end like this, I lost my best friend! The things I said to him, he'll never want to see me again! Yet I still feel really hurt by what he did to me. I don't know, I just feel confused."

Cheryl reassured, "Don't be silly Judy, you two are best friends. You'll find a way back to each other whether it be a couple or friends. Maybe…not right away because admittedly you two did some pretty harsh things to each other. You two need time to heal, you can't rush these things.

Judy whined, "But I hate all this waiting. I just…. want us to be friends again. The thought of us two not being friends is honestly pretty horrible."

"Yeah Judy, but these things take time. Just like how physical wounds take time to heal, so do emotional wounds."

Judy gave her a slight nod in agreement.

Cheryl added, "Also, you two may not have been a couple, but you two were best friends. And you two basically just had a friend break up. A pretty bad one I must say."

"Are you going somewhere with this, or are you just going to keep reminding me how shitty it was?" Judy said with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Sorry! I'm just trying to say that what you two had was very real, and recently broken up couples will need time for these wounds to heal. And you two too."

"Yeah… I guess so, but what if we never become friends again? It's not like a lot of ex's ever get back together, many for good reasons too," Judy countered.

"Well, unlike a lot of the couples I know, I'm willing to bet on you two," Chery reassured with a smile.

"Thanks Cheryl, thanks a lot. I needed to hear that," Judy smiled back.

"No problem Judy. Okay anyways, let's talk about Mouse of Cards. I cannot believe Frank Undercheese did that!"

* * *

Nick watched her leave until she was out of his sight. He then just sat there frozen, staring at the very spot where she stood. The spot where she crushed him after he opened up about his inner voice. He never told anyone about it and now he knew what kind of response he would get. Complete and utter rejection.

" _She's right you know, you never changed. You're just the same fucking fox that everyone loves to hate."_

Nick stood back up, went into his apartment, and closed the door behind him. He threw his shopping bag aimlessly and flipped the light switch. With light revealed a very simple living arrangement. Nick was never into his own home decoration despite his fascination with Cave Hunters. He just had what he considered the essentials. Against the wall was a gray sofa with a 19 inch TV resting on top of a stand 5 feet away. On the other side of the apartment was an unmade queen-sized bed nestled at the corner of his apartment. The lights also revealed a very messy living arrangement. There were tacky Hawaiian shirts, slacks, underpants, ties, and papers lying all over the ground. He was never into cleaning.

He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to the ground. He approached his bed and jumped into its cozy embrace. He laid on his side and started to think about how his confession the night before.

He had been harboring feelings for her for months and months. It started off with little bouts of attraction to her after the Missing Mammals Case. Just simple observations of her really nice butt and her beautiful amethyst eyes. He always wrote it off as just his male body being horny. But then, he started having it more and more often. And then it became more than just a physical attraction. He started caring about making sure she had her favorite donut (carrot-flavored and glazed), when he was going to hang out with her again, or whether she was feeling okay or not. By the time it was the day of the date, Judy consumed most of his thoughts. Of course he couldn't resist what a date with Judy would be like, he was in love. And that kiss, that perfect kiss, the culmination of that date, he felt complete euphoria and joy for the first time in many years. Of course, it didn't last.

* * *

**-Flashback-**

-Seconds after the perfect kiss-

" _Oh Nick, you royally fucked up. You let it go way too far. She was just supposed to be just your best friend."_

"Oh fuck, I just kissed my best friend," Nick thought.

Simultaneously, Nick and Judy stepped away from each other. He refused to look at Judy out of pure embarrassment.

He heard Judy say something about getting a Zuuber and he stammered, "Yeah, yeah that sounds great, yeah you do that. I'll get a zyft, yeah a zyft."

"Oh fuck what am I going to do?" Nick thought.

-40 Minutes after the Kiss-

Nick was lying on his bed, his heart and mind in a constant battle on what he should do.

"He is in love! And Judy is in love with him! He needs to go after her! Pursue this relationship! Maybe something good will happen out of it!" his heart argued.

"No way, absolutely no way. Remember what happened to the last few girls he was with? They thought they were in love, then BAM, he fucks up and they hate him. We can't let Nick go through that again," his mind reasoned.

"But it's Judy! She's different! She's kind, smart, beautiful, determined, and so much more! We can't let Nick miss this chance of happiness. Remember that kiss? He hasn't had that kind of happiness in years!" his heart fired back.

"Oh that's him being horny because he hasn't gotten action for a long time! You know what we have to do, we have to cut him off Judy. They can't be partners anymore, he needs to ask for a reassignment." his mind argued.

"What are you crazy? They're best friends! That is absolutely not an option!" his heart exclaimed.

" _I think it's a great idea. I think Nick should be cut off from Judy. He's fucking garbage and Judy would be lucky not to have him in her life anymore."_

His mind and heart fell silent. Nick knew what he had to do. Despite how much his heart burned in pain of the idea, he knew he couldn't see Judy anymore. He was going to ask to be reassigned.

* * *

**-Present-**

"God, I was so fucking stupid last night, I should've suggested that we go to another restaurant," Nick lamented. "I ruined everything, and it was all my fault."

" _What the hell is wrong with you Nick? Heh, remember when she said that to you? She thinks like you now! Though I'm sure you can make a whole list to answer that huh Nick?"_

His eyes winced at the pain from remembering the confrontation. Judy, his now ex-best friend, knew him better than anyone. And when she saw the real him, she hated him.

He felt his heart aching and his whole body felt heavy. He had this episode many times before. Many, many times. It usually would come all of the sudden without warning, with seemingly no trigger. It could even happen in the middle of conversation with someone, and if they notice, they would ask him what's wrong. Not wanting to make things awkward, he would crack a joke about them being dull or say he was spacing out and then give his signature grin. It made him feel very lonely afterwards, but society didn't want a sly, depressed fox. They much rather have just a sly fox, sorta. At least he could solace in the fact that he didn't have to hide at home. At home he was hidden from the rest of society, free of their judgment. He allowed himself to cry at home.

This time was special though, he knew what his trigger for this episode was. And because of that, his mind started to remind him of little glimpses of the confrontation. And it did so over and over and over again. It was torment having to relive the moments in life that he's ashamed of. He started to sob. He wanted the pain to go away. But everything in the room then became a trigger for him to sob harder. It didn't have to be about Judy. It really could be anything from a water bottle on the ground to the ad for Puzzles and Komodo Dragons on his phone.

"I hate myself…I hate myself so much," Nick whispered.

" _Hah! So does the rest of the universe, which includes Judy! Lucky you!"_

Nick clenched his eyes shut as he started to feel his mind being clouded and his body become void. When he opened them, all he could see was darkness. He arranged his body into fetal position and started trying to count to 80. He has experienced this torture before, this was his best way to cope with it. Before he could count to 10, he started hearing all the harsh words Judy shouted at him. She may have not realized it because he didn't let it show, but each one of the words felt like a slice to the heart. He felt he deserved every slice to the heart, everything was his fault since he's a failure. His heart felt like it was screaming in pain as it bled, but he couldn't stop it. He never could. After what seemed like an eternity, the memory of the confrontation stopped repeating in his head, and he could have a moment of respite. Then his mind started to play out short bursts of memories of Darren on the day he died. Darren and he arguing. Darren running out. Nick searching for him. Nick hearing a gunshot. Nick finding his body.

Suddenly his mind cleared up a bit. "No! Nooooooooooo! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Nick screamed. He expelled the darkness away and was back in his apartment.

He shouted, "What the fucking hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why is my mind like this?" He punched the wall as hard as he could. "Why has god cursed me with this mind where I am forced to torture myself like this?"

" _It's because I'm you, and as long as I'm you, I'm never going away. Unless… you make me go away."_

Nick sat up and saw that the shopping bag was right by his bed. He reached over and grabbed it and took out his new handgun. The gun that he felt compelled to buy.

"This gun…it's just for protection, from like invaders," Nick muttered in an attempt to convince himself. "I'm not going to do anything crazy with this."

" _Do you think of me as an invader? Do you need to protect yourself from me? This could be the best way. I do promise that I will go away forever if you….use it right."_

Nick shakily started raising the handgun to his head. He couldn't resist. His mind and body were compelling him to do it. Just do it. End it all. Sweet relief from this torture. But then an image of his mom popped in his head. He snarled and yelled, "No! I'm not going to be like my mom!" He put the gun back into the shopping bag and defiantly threw it away from his bed. "I'm not my mom."

" _You sure about that?"_

Nick paused for a second, his resolve weakened by that four word question.

"I...I can't let it continue to torment me like this. There's only one way to get out of this," Nick thought.

He jumped out of his bed and rushed into the kitchen. He opened the kitchen cabinet and found a bottle of Jackrabbit Daniels Whiskey.

"Hello old friend, haven't had to use you for a while," Nick greeted the whiskey. He opened the bottle and took a swig. It burned his throat, which he took as a warm welcome sign. He started feeling a little buzzed already. His heart may still be broken and his mind fucked up, but at least the alcohol made his inner voice go away.

"Perfect," Nick thought as he took another swig. He went back to his bed and drank until darkness enveloped him.


	8. Chapter 8

"Shit," Nick muttered under his breath. He woke up with a splitting headache from what he liked to call his "therapy session." He grabbed his phone and looked at the time, 4:30 am. He had 2 hours before he had to head to work. He sighed as he rubbed his eyes. He was getting too old for this. Back in his 20s, he often had mornings like this one. He hung out with a very different crowd when he was part of the crime world where clubbing and drinking booze were frequent activities. He was never a huge fan but networking was important in a crime world and it was a good way to escape from his inner voice. Since there were no day offs for hustlers, he had to make sure he had the perfect hangover cure. After years of experimenting, he think he got it: Ibuprofen, lots of water, a steamy hot shower, and an oily, cheesy omelet with homefries.

After taking 2 pills of Ibuprofen and gulping down 3 glasses of water, he took off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He turned on the hot water and felt his body relaxing and headache subsiding.

"Ahhhhhhh….," Nick moaned in relief. He considered a hot shower to be one of the most satisfying simple pleasures in life. It was also the best time for self-reflection. He thought about what happened last night. The confrontation, the pain his mind and inner voice inflicted on him, the gun….He shuddered thinking about the gun.

"God, I hope I never feel that way again, I can't let my inner voice control me like that. Not ever again," Nick thought.

He had been suffering from his inner demons for at least 20 years and not once had he ever come that close to suicide before. It was terrifying how easy it would've been. Just one pull of the trigger, and he would've been gone. He didn't think that he was that kind of fox, but thinking about his family, he assumed it could be genetics. His mind then wandered to Judy and he started to loathe himself again. Judy always filled a big portion of his heart. Thinking about her made him happy, made him feel complete, made him feel fulfilled. Well, it used to. Instead, her presence in his mind served as a reminder of what he feared about himself for a while. That he would never break free of being a sly fox. It was funny, while he feared it, he embraced that role as a confox, even as a policeman. His strengths as a police officer was his cunning, charisma, and connections. Something you would expect from a sly fox. He sighed, it seems like he'll never break out of that mold, but at least it was for good?

Fear wasn't the only thing that terrorized his mind. He was also filled with guilt and shame. He blamed himself for many things, including Darren's death. It was still fresh in his mind, especially his bloody body when he found him. Judy was right. If only he was a better fox, then maybe Darren would still be alive. He failed him. It was a heavy burden to carry.

Yet despite her new role in his heart, he still loved her. He hated how much he still loved her. She caused him so much pain, but yet he couldn't get her out of his mind. He knew he had to though. He can't love her anymore. For his sanity. He did not want to be that close to suicide again. And he knew that the way to do that was to cut her out of his life. He was realistic though. There was no way he could cut her off completely though since they worked at the same place, but he could limit it as much as he could. He knew one thing he had to do was to keep up the illusion that they were friends, so none of their gossipy coworkers would think anything more of the reassignment. Just two talented cops with the desire to mentor rookies to become as successful as them. He believed he could do that with simple greetings and small talk. But an actual friendship? Not anymore.

He turned off the hot water. It was time for omelets and homefries.

* * *

 

Judy was at the briefing room, one of the earliest police officers as usual. However, she was feeling anxious, which had become a daily occurrence for her since her date with Nick.

She worried, "Oh god, is Nick going to sit with me again? Should I even talk to him? Is it going to be really awkward? Oh and my new partner, I don't even know who she or he is going to be. My new partner is probably going to hate me like Nick probably hates me!"

She then took a deep breath, which helped her calm down a little. She started thinking about what her sister told her last night and felt a little better. Her sister helped her have hope again in her friendship with Nick. However, she didn't want to believe her sister when she told her it'll take time for wounds to heal. Nick was her first friend in Zootopia, and thus was a huge part of her life. If he was gone, then a huge part of her would be gone. She didn't know if she would be able to bear it for that long. She wanted the friendship repaired as quickly as possible. Though she couldn't help but still have some bitterness for him going behind her back, she knew she was definitely not innocent by any means, and had to apologize.

She was so preoccupied by her thoughts that she didn't notice an Arctic fox approach her.

"Hi! Are you Officer Hopps?" the Arctic fox asked giddily.

She turned to him a bit too quickly and replied with a smile, "Oh hi! Yes! Yes I am!"

She quickly scanned his features. He was definitely taller than her, but maybe a few inches shorter than Nick. He had beautiful snowy white fur that contrasted his black beady eyes. Though his fur was slightly more ruffled than Nick's, it had a certain shine that his did not have. He was probably around the same age as her, but he seemed to have a more youthful appearance. She also noticed he was slightly shaking in excitement.

"Wow, what an honor to meet you, I... I've heard so much about you! You're truly an inspiration to all of us at the Academy!" the Arctic fox gushed.

Judy did not expect such a warm greeting, "Oh wow, thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Oh! Right! My name is Daniel Snowe, and I'm going to be Officer Wilde's partner, which I am so excited for."

Judy felt a mix of emotions when she heard that. She was happy for Daniel because he got to work with one of his personal heroes who she knew was an excellent cop. But her heart ached a bit as well. She felt like she was being replaced and she felt guilty for being this selfish, but she really hoped that their partnership didn't work out as well as theirs did.

"I'm excited for you! You're going to have a great time with Nick. He's definitely the best," Judy said.

"I bet he is! Well I should probably get seated now. I heard Chief Bogo is really scary. I'll see you around Officer Hopps!" Daniel waved goodbye as he headed to his seat that was big enough for two foxes.

From that conversation, she realized how much she missed Nick. She really wished that Nick would just be at her side. She would do anything to be called Carrots.

"Carrots?"

She turned around a little too quickly and saw it was Nick.

"Nick! Uhh..hey!"

"God why am I so awkward around him now?" Judy thought. She looked at his face and saw he was giving his signature grin. But it felt a bit off to her, like it was being used to hide something.

"Hey Judy, just wanted to wish you luck on your new partner," Nick said calmly but somewhat distant.

He gave her a wink and then left before she could say anything else.

"What was that?" Judy thought. "I'm really confused right now, does he forgive me?"

Before she could analyze that strange encounter any further, she saw a new face come through the door. A new face that melted all her worries about Nick away for the time being. It was another bunny cop! She was not the only one anymore! Someone she can relate to!

The new bunny cop hopped up to the same chair as her and raised out his arm for a handshake

"Officer Hopps, my name is Jack Savage. It's an honor to be partners with you." He gave her a warm but confident smile.

She smiled back and gave him a firm handshake and said, "Please, call me Judy. And I must say, it is absolutely great to be working with a bunny cop."

"Right back at ya Judy."

Like Daniel, she gave Jack a quick scan. He had gray fur like hers, but he also had three black stripes that surrounded the back of his head. He was also about the same age as her but unlike Daniel, he gave a more cool and mature air about him. What struck her the most however was how well he cleaned up. There was not a single fur out of place and his uniform was perfectly ironed. All in all, good first impressions.

* * *

 

Nick entered the debriefing room. He was still a bit exhausted and had a mild throbbing headache. However, he had enough experience with hangovers where he could make it through the whole day without anyone knowing. He noticed Judy was sitting at their usual seat. He knew he had to show people in the briefing room that he was still friendly with her. He did not want to be hounded with questions about whether they hate each other once they find out about the reassignment. On the other side of the room, he saw an Arctic fox sitting on a chair alone shaking with excitement. He deduced that the fox was his partner and smiled. He was glad there were more foxes in the police force.

He took a deep breath and headed to Judy. He was surprised that she didn't notice him walking towards her at all and guessed she must've been deep in thought.

"Carrots?"

"Nick! Uhhh…hey!" He could tell that she was startled.

"Hey Judy, just wanted to wish you luck on your new partner," Nick said. He winked at her and then headed off before she could say anything. He hoped his delivery was nice enough where none of the officers would suspect a thing, but distant enough where Judy would know that they something was broken between them. He then took a seat next to the Arctic fox.

Before he could introduce himself, the Arctic fox greeted, "Oh my gosh, you're Officer Wilde! Wow sir, it is such an honor to meet you. I'm Daniel, Daniel Snowe. Big fan of you. One of the reasons I decided to join the police academy."

He gave his signature grin, "Well Daniel, I must say am I glad to meet another fox like you in the police force."

Their conversation was cut off by Bogo entering their debriefing room and demanding their silence.

"Ahem, our first order of business. We have some new recruits. Daniel Snowe and Jack Savage. Apparently they were both top in their class. Whatever. Officer Snowe will be assigned to Officer Wilde while Officer Savage will be assigned to Officer Hopps.

Immediately, chattering occurred amongst the police officers.

"Oh my gosh Nick and Judy aren't partners anymore?"

"Did something happen between them, they were talking earlier this morning. So I guess not?"

"My gosh I can't imagine those two being apart."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Benjamin Clawhauser screamed.

"Shut it! All of you!." Chief Bogo ordered. The room fell silent.

Nick thought to himself, "At least no one really suspects any conflict between Judy and me. Mission accomplished."

Nick and Daniel were walking around Central Park in Downtown Zootopia. What Nick came to realize was what a chatterbox Daniel was, a trait shared with Judy. Daniel could endlessly talk about anything whether it be weather, sports, art, bananas, Kim Kardaschundian, you name it. He semi-tuned him out and mindlessly responded with nods, uhhuhs and an occasional is that so. He didn't mean to be rude, it was just becoming harder to actually care about this job. With Judy not being his partner anymore, he wasn't sure if he could enjoy this job anymore. Judy was the reason he thought he could make Zootopia into a better and more just place. Seeing her so passionate and headstrong about these ideals, the years of cynicism and disillusionment faded away. However, since Darren's death, they started to remerged. He started to question whether he was actually doing good work, or was he just perpetuating the conditions that kept foxes at the bottom of the totem pole. He was able to hold on to those ideals somewhat when Judy was still his partner. But now she's gone and here's Daniel. A perfectly fine police officer, but he's no Judy.

"My stomach is grumbling, wanna grab lunch? I heard there's a sushi restaurant around here that's pretty good," Daniel asked. Nick snapped out of his thoughts. Sushi had that power over him.

Nick grinned and said, "Let's do it rookie."

They sat at the sushi bar of the Japanese restaurant. Just from a quick inspection, Nick noticed that they tried to make the setting in the restaurant look as traditional as possible. Or at least what he thought was traditional. The walls looked like they were made from woven bamboo with wood frames as supporting structure. The waiters wore hapis while the waitresses wore kimonos, and they all wore wooden sandals. However, Nick questioned the authenticity of a sushi roll made from salmon, cream cheese, and avocado. But hey, what did he know about Japanese culture.

As they watched the sushi chefs make sushi, Daniel said, "Wow, patrol duty is awesome! I love it so far!

Nick felt that he should at least have the decency to pay attention during lunch. Nick replied, "Haha that's great, but we haven't really done anything yet."

"Well, yeah but think about it. At any moment, a crime can happen and it's up to us! How exciting is that?"

"I guess that's pretty awesome."

"Yeah, but I bet we're going to do something awesome today! It's my first day! It's got to!"

"Haha, well I wouldn't count on it. But let's hope so just for you Daniel."

Nick noticed that Daniel was not paying attention to him anymore but his ears were pricking up.

"You okay buddy?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I think I just hear an argument in the front, I heard something about a fox." Daniel replied. He stood up and started walking to the front.

Nick was amused, "Damn Daniel, he really wants to get into some action today huh. Maybe he was like Judy." He followed suit, just in case he needed any backup.

At the front he saw a grey fox couple and the crane maitre'd arguing with each other.

Daniel said confidently, "What seems to be the problem here?" The two parties immediately stopped arguing and looked at Daniel. Nick was impressed. Daniel already knew how to command attention effectively as an arbitrator.

The boyfriend said, "We saw at least 5 other couples get a table ahead of us even though we were here before them. We want to have a nice lunch date here but we have been waiting 1 hour for our table. This is unacceptable!"

The girlfriend added, "Yeah, and we heard him tell the others it was only going to be a 15 minute wait but he wouldn't give us the time!"

The crane argued, "This is simply not true, these foxes are just trying to con their way to the next table instead of waiting like every other patron has been doing."

The girlfriend countered, "Oh don't you dare accuse us of not waiting. We have been waiting patiently like every other party here, but instead we wait an hour and counting, while species don't have to."

The crane firmly said, "Well you're not welcome to eat at our establishment if you're going to continue to lie and not be willing to wait your turn. As you can see," he pointed at a sign that said, "We have the right to refuse service to anyone."

Daniel spoke up, "Sir, it seems to be that you're being unfair to these foxes. And I have to say that I remember seeing this very nice couple while waiting at the front. You were kind enough to let me and my partner get our table in a reasonable amount of time which I hope you would do the same if we weren't wearing our uniforms. I believe they have been waiting long enough and that you should let them have the next available table. In fact, we will give up our table for them if that's alright with my partner."

Nick continued to be impressed with his partner. He sounded elegant and professional, which served a huge contrast from when he was talking about Kim Kardaschundian. "That is alright with me partner."

Daniel said, "Alright, it's settled. This nice couple can take our seats."

However, the crane then said, "Oh great, I should've expected this. The fox officers will of course side with these shady foxes instead of hard-working honest living folks like us. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a scheme to bring down this restaurant for who knows what.

"Sir, it seemed to me that you are associating harmful stereotypes to us foxes instead of seeing us as the individuals we are."

"Yeah, so what? It's true isn't it? I'm not going to seat this couple yet and that's final.

Daniel calmly said, "I wasn't going to say this but sitting at the bar, I noticed that the chefs not following proper sushi making regulations. For one thing, I saw one chef sneezing on his hand, and wiping his hand with a dirty rag instead of washing his hands. I believe that would be against our food safety regulations wouldn't it?

"How dare you, we are a restaurant that prides itself with following all the regulations necessary for making sushi. This is such typical behavior of a fox to make false accusations. Besides, you have no proof of this incident and no one is going to believe you. Who's going to believe a fox? We could easily contest this charge."

Nick noticed Daniel's ears drooping and him sweating a bit. The confidence he once had was shattered. Nick knew he had to step in.

Nick said, "You seem really confident in the standards of the restaurant, so you wouldn't mind if the health inspector comes check this place out right? She owes me a favor." He grabbed his phone and showed the crane her number. "So how about I ask her to come in?"

The crane froze for a second until he finally conceded and said, "I will seat the couple at the next table."

"That won't be necessary, I don't think I can eat here anymore," the boyfriend said.

"Same with me," the girlfriend said.

"Oh and thank you so much you two. We need more cops like you guys," the boyfriend thanked them.

Nick said in a slightly arrogant manner, "All in a day's work."

Nick said, "You know what, neither will we. Come on Daniel, I know a deli around here that accepts foxes like us."

Daniel smiled weakly and said, "Yeah, let's do that."

As Nick and Daniel headed over to the deli, he noticed that Daniel wasn't talking and his ears were drooping.

Nick put his hand on Daniel's back and said, "You okay buddy?"

His ears shot back up and said, "Yeah! Yeah! Everything's fine! It's just that…" He trailed off and didn't say another word.

"Come on, you can let the wise old fox know what's wrong. Does it have something to do with that asshole of a crane back there?"

"Well kinda, I mean always knew I was going to encounter some specieism when I become a cop, I mean we're foxes. But as much I appreciate you saving me back there, I... I wish that I didn't freeze up like that. I guess I really have a lot to learn huh."

Nick smiled and said, "I think we all do rookie. But let me tell you one thing I learned. It's okay to fall back on your partners. There's a reason we have them. We look out for each other. We cover each other's asses when one is in trouble. I covered your ass today. But I'm sure you're going to have to cover mine sometime in the future."

"Yeah... I guess so. Thanks Nick, you're a great mentor, any fox would be lucky to learn from you."

Darren popped in Nick's mind and he felt guilt and shame inside. He failed as a mentor to Darren. But an inkling of hope started to grow in his heart. But maybe, just maybe Daniel can be his chance of redemption.

He said, "Don't sweat it kid, before you know it, you'll be just as fucking awesome as me. Now let's go get our tuna salad sandwiches!"

* * *

 

Judy and Jack were patrolling the streets at Tundratown. She thought it would be a little weird not having Nick as her partner anymore, but she was having a good time. Unlike Nick, Jack would actually engage in conversation with her most of the time. She never minded, she knew Nick had times where he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. And eventually, she came to enjoy the silences they had together. However, it did feel nice to have a consistent conversation with someone like Jack.

"So you were top of your class? That's really impressive Jack." Judy complimented.

"Oh, haha, don't forget that I was also tied with Daniel. He was also really great at the academy."

"Oh wow, I have never heard of a tie for top of the class, how did that happen?"

"Well, I excelled more at hand to hand combat and interrogation but he dominated at learning the law and target practice."

"Oh hand to hand combat huh? Maybe we could spar sometimes. I would love to see some of your moves."

"Oh I would love to, although you'll probably beat me up, you're a legend at the academy. Mammals tell stories of you taking down a rhino like it was nothing all the time."

She blushed a little. It wasn't everyday that someone spoke so highly of her, "Hahaha yeah, that was a great moment for me. But hey you must've taken down some huge animals too."

He smiled, "Yeah… but definitely not as impressive as you."

"Yeah, probably not," she said sarcastically.

"Hey!"

They both laughed. She thought it was weird she was having a lot of fun with Jack. A lot of fun. She felt a bit guilty because she felt she should be having a worse time since she wasn't with Nick anymore. But Jack was just a fun guy to be with. Who can blame her? She must have looked sad because she felt a paw touching her shoulder. She looked to the right and saw Jack reaching his left paw to her shoulder and smiling to her. No wonder he was so good at interrogation, he understood body language really well.

"Can't have you looking bummed out already, we haven't even run into any action yet."

"No I'm fine! It's just….a little weird not having Nick here."

He removed his paw from her shoulder and crossed his arms, "Yeah, it must be a little tough for you huh."

Judy thought, "Ugh, I shouldn't be this way. This isn't fair to Jack. He shouldn't have to deal with me being sad about Nick. Let me quickly change the subject."

Before she could say anything, Jack shouted and pointed at a hyena, "Judy! Look! That hyena over there just stole a purse from that raccoon! We gotta go after him!"

All her worries went away and her game face was on. This was what she was born to do.

Judy found herself running ahead of Jack as they chased after the hyena. He was a lot more cautious than Judy as he had way less experience chasing after criminals. Judy learned to use all her senses to be very aware of her surroundings, making it easy for her to dodge bystanders and avoid obstacles with ease.

The hyena yelled as he cackled, "Ha! Two bunny cops? I like to see you try to catch me!"

Judy yelled, "Oh you'll be surprised!"

She trained to be a fast long distance runner, but that hyena was just as fast as her and she knew she could not outrun a hyena if this keeps up. She had to figure out a way to catch up. She then suddenly saw Jack to her left, slide running past her on some really icy roads. He was going way faster than he would on normal dry land.

He saluted her with a grin, "I'll see you at the finish line!"

She smiled and yelled, "Hey not a bad idea! Mind if I join you?"

She hopped to the ice and started slide running on it. She almost lost her balance a few times, and was shocked how Jack could maintain such perfect balance so quickly. She eventually managed to adapt to this new icy situation. Soon, Jack was neck and neck with the hyena with Judy some distance behind.

Jack yelled, "Hey you!"

The hyena looked to the left and all he saw was a bunny foot to the face. He and Jack both fell to the ground. Jack moved quickly and managed to grab both of the hyena's paws, allowing Judy to handcuff the hyena once she caught up.

Judy had nothing but high praises for Jack, "That was pretty awesome! How did you come up with that on the spot?

Jack replied, "I don't know, I guess I just know how to use the environment to my advantage."

Judy said, "Well I'm glad to have you in my team."

Jack said, "Naw, I couldn't have done it without you."

* * *

 

Judy was heading to the time clock from her cubicle while humming Try Everything by Gazelle. She was happy, she thought today was going to be a tough day, but it turned out be a lot better than she expected. And it was all thanks to Jack. He's no Nick for sure, but she didn't think it was a bad thing. He's different and they complemented each other well as partners and they have great conversations. Jack even volunteered to do the report himself, which Judy was not used to. Before she would do most of the reports while Nick would distract her to her annoyance.

She got to the time clock and clocked out when she saw Nick heading to it. She heard her sister telling her in her head, "You can't rush these things. These things take time to heal." But then she listened to her own voice that told her, "It's now or never Judy. If you wanna fix this now, apologize right now."

When Nick got to the time clock, she waved and said, "Hey… Nick. I uh-"

Nick cut her off coldly, "Save it Judy. Just don't."

"What? No, Nick let me just-"

"No Judy, please don't. It's too soon. What you said to me yesterday, all those horrible things you said to me, especially about Darren. It still hurts. A lot. And I get that you were angry at me for asking for a reassignment. I really do. But at least what I did, I was trying to do what I thought was best for both of us. You… you were just being selfish and trying to get the truth out of me. If you were my friend, at the very least, you would know Darren is a touchy subject. And to top it all off, when I revealed my…troubles to you, you flat out rejected me. You were the first mammal I ever told about it, and you flat out reject me. You must be able to imagine how devastating that is to me. And I just can't forgive you yet. Look, I'm willing to say hi and whatever to keep up appearances that we're in good terms because I think that's best for both of us. But don't expect me to be friends with you again."

Judy just stood there frozen as Nick clocked out and walked off to the exit. She couldn't believe it, she let her anger get the better of her, and instead of being the friend that Nick needed, she became his worst nightmare.

"I really am a dumb bunny. I constantly let my mouth do the talking, and it has gotten me in trouble with Nick so many times. And now it's over, probably forever. Because I let my temper get the better of me," Judy lamented.

She was about to burst in tears in the middle of precinct when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around hoping it was Nick, but it was Jack.

"Hey Judy?"

She tried to hide the fact that she was about to cry, "Oh hey! What's up?"

"You seemed bit down, and I can't have my partner feeling down when we just busted a thief today. I'm planning on exploring around town tonight and it would be great to have a resident like you show me some places."

Feeling like what she could only describe as shit, she wasn't exactly in the mood to go out to town. However, she had a lot of fun with Jack today, and maybe a night where she could forget about Nick was what she needed now.

She forced a smile and said, "Yeah, let's do that."


	9. Chapter 9

She took Jack to all her favorite sites at Downtown Zootopia. Her favorite bench by the pond at Central Park, her favorite ice cream store (they had carrot-flavored ice cream), and her favorite alleyway with beautiful street art. At first, she felt miserable about the end of her friendship with Nick. But as they hung out, she was able to forget about Nick and enjoy her time with Jack.

After seeing all those sights, Judy took Jack to her favorite vegetarian restaurant, Green Bistro. Her most favorite dish was their carrot stew. It was almost as good as her mom's, but it just didn't have as much of that rustic taste that she loves. Whenever Judy and Nick went to Green Bistro, he never bothered trying the Carrot Stew because it was too "rabbit food" for him. He usually opted for the veggie burger to somewhat fulfill the carnivore side of him. But now she brought someone else, and it became her mission to persuade him to try the Carrot Stew to validate its deliciousness.

"Jack, you gotta get the carrot stew, it'll blow your mind." Judy said.

"But I don't know, I never had a carrot stew I loved. Plus veggie burgers are just more filling." Jack replied.

"But Jack, it's carrot stew! You gotta follow your rabbit instincts to eat those carrots dude."

"Oh! Are you saying that I should be confined to certain foods purely based on my species?"

"I'm saying you should be confined to my food suggestions because I am simply more knowledgeable about food than you are."

"Oh is that so? Do you have a certificate?"

"Yeah, it's right here." She holds up an imaginary certificate. "See? It says Judy Hopps, the Foodie Supreme."

He chuckled and said, "Wow, what an honor to eat with the Foodie Supreme."

"So are you going to get it?"

"Guess I have to now huh? I sure hope it lives up to its expectations Foodie Supreme."

She smiled, "You won't regret it."

He did not. In fact, he gulped it down a lot faster than Judy, and she considered herself a fast eater. Well at least compared to Nick, he would take his time to really appreciate each bite of food and really critique each mouthfeel, like an actual foodie. She didn't have the patience for that.

"Wow, you sure wolfed it down a lot faster than I did. I told you you would like it!"

He said sarcastically, "I mean, I guess it was okay…"

"Jack! Don't lie! You know you loved it!"

"Fine, fine, yeah I kinda loved it," He admitted. "Reminded me just of home."

He added, "And I just noticed you confined me to the stereotypes of wolves, so am I a rabbit or a wolf? Or something in between?

She laughed, "Oh quiet you, and let me eat my carrot stew without judgment."

She took another sip of her stew and then asked, "So where is home for you?"

He said, "Oh I'm from Rabbitton, my family owns a carrot and orchard farm. We grow a bunch of fruits like apples, peaches, and nectarines."

"Dude! I'm from Bunnyburrow which is like one farm district away! We were basically neighbors! My family owns a carrot and berries farm!"

"Gosh, we must've run into each other at like county fairs and farmer's market without even knowing it!"

"Yeah, wow, this is so crazy."

They continued talking about their shared experiences growing up in a farm, the woes and joys of having 400 siblings and counting, and the stuff they missed about living in a small town. Ever since moving to Zootopia, Judy didn't make any other bunny friends simply because there were no other bunnies in the ZPD. It was nice to finally have someone that she could relate to in another level. They eventually changed the subject and talked about themselves, favorite TV shows, would you rather questions, etc. It wasn't until 2 hours after paying the check and an annoyed waiter that they realized they may have overstayed their welcome in the restaurant.

She checked her phone, "Oh wow, it's already 9:30 pm. Time sure flies by! Did you want to get out of here and get some drinks? They make a pretty mean carrot margarita at Hare's Den. I'm kinda a regular."

He laughed, "I'm sure you are and usually I would love to partake in such libations. But... I'm going to be the lame one and say we should call it a night. I'm still not used to the early police schedule and I should probably get some sleep for work tomorrow."

She was impressed, he was pretty responsible for a rookie cop.

"Okay lame one, we'll do that and make sure we have good night sleep because someone is a baby," she teased.

* * *

 

Judy was lying in bed, thinking about the events of tonight. She was glad that she went out tonight. Really glad. It was nice to take her whole mind off from the whole drama she had with Nick. She thought Jack seemed like a nice guy and was really fun to be around. She definitely saw herself being great friends and partners with Jack. Especially since Nick was gone from her life. It was hard not to think of Nick now that she's at home, alone. She felt a mix of emotions that included regret, heartbreak, and emptiness. She had a gaping hole in her heart that could only be filled by Nick. She still couldn't believe what Nick said to her. He didn't just want to stop being friends with her anymore, he basically never wanted to see her again if he had the choice. She felt like she deserved it though. Looking back at what she said to Nick, she couldn't believe that was her.

She sighed, she knew she always had a bit of a problem with putting her foot in her mouth. It's not like she never thinks before she speaks, but in certain situations, she just goes with her gut. Like when she was under stress during the press conference about the Missing Mammals, she went with her gut, and it caused her to accidentally blame biology for predators becoming savages a year ago. However, it's worst when she's angry. For the most part, she can control her temper, but when she feels justly angry, her gut becomes a volcano erupting and whatever spews out of her mouth is scorching lava. The last time she was that angry was at her parents a few months before she started the police academy. Her parents for the 100th time that month asked her to reconsider joining the police academy. They didn't want her to go through the many obstacles that she would face as the first bunny cop. The first 99 times, she was patient enough with her parents. While annoyed, she understood where her parents were coming from. However the 100th time, she blew up. She was so tired of what she felt like were her parents undermining her dreams to keep her in this carrot farm bubble for the rest of her life. She told them that she hated them, they were the reason none of her siblings had any dreams, and even called them fucking stupid hillbunnies. She immediately felt bad after she had some time to cool down and apologized by baking carrot cupcakes for her parents and all her siblings. While appreciative of the cupcakes, they still grounded her.

She just wished she could take back everything she said that night, then maybe, Nick and she would have a chance at being friends again. She tried telling herself that regretting the past wasn't going to do much for her. But of course easier said than done. She wished her sister wasn't right about how wounds took time to heal. She knew her sister was wrong about one thing though. They will never go back to being friends.

* * *

 

Work stayed largely the same for the most part. Her fellow police officers still treated her the same. She was still regularly being assigned patrol duty or interesting cases. She still had a great partner. But when it came to Nick, it made all the difference for her. All she got nowt from Nick was a sly grin and a wave whenever she saw him. That sly grin that she used to think was cute and charming, she now it just made her feel terrible. That was his default face, something that every stranger that passes by him sees. After all they've been through, she hated how she had been reduced to a simple passerby to Nick. She was just barely above a stranger to him.

Sometimes she wondered if Nick was hurting behind that smile every time he saw Judy. She also wondered if he knew every time she saw him, she was hurting.

Fortunately, Jack made the transition from Nick to him a lot easier. During the first few weeks of their partnership, Judy would felt moody about Nick and he would be comforting and understanding. She didn't tell him what happened at the time, but she knew Jack was perceptive enough to know this wasn't a simple reassignment to her. She tried her best to suppress her feelings whenever sad, but she wasn't Nick. She could never hide behind a smile. She would stop talking and bow her head with her ears drooping and eyes sunk. Jack seemed to know what to do whenever she felt this way. He would try to make her laugh, say something encouraging, or just put his paw on her shoulder. At first she would brush it off, insisting that she was fine with a smile, and say she just needed to get used to change. She appreciated that Jack would always comfort her, but she felt guilty for making him go through this. Eventually, one day she couldn't keep it in anymore.

* * *

 

"Judy? You haven't been talking…Is everything okay?" Jack asked.

Judy looked at him and saw he had a concerned look on his face. He seemed more worried than usual.

"Oh great, he knows that I'm thinking about Nick again. God, why can't I get over him faster? This has been happening for weeks, he probably thinks I'm some crazy bunny."

She was unprepared to feel two arms embracing her. She felt his warm body pressed against hers. It was nice. They stayed that way for a few seconds. He then stepped back while holding both of his paws to her shoulders and said, "I noticed that ever since I started working with you, you've been feeling sad a lot. And I hate seeing you like this because I've seen the sweet, happy, and funny side of you so many times. Whatever you're going through, I just want to let you know that I'm here for you. If you need to talk," he raises his ears, "I'm all ears."

Judy looked at him, took a second to gather her thoughts, and then told him everything. Starting from her date with Nick to the confrontation, to Nick rejecting her. By the end of it, she started tearing up. She was scared to see how Jack would react. They've only known each other for a few weeks, and she looked like some crazy, depressed bunny to him. She didn't want him to think she was a horrible bunny either. She found that all her worries were unfounded because of what he said next.

"Judy, you are so amazing. I admire your ability to care for others so strongly, but you don't need to beat yourself up so much when you make mistakes. We're not perfect, everyone makes mistakes. And I just want to remind you about how strong you are. You defied all expectations when you became the first bunny cop in the ZPD. You... you..carved a pathway for bunnies like me to become police officers. The reason I'm reminding you of this is because I know you're strong enough to move past from this, and then we can both be happy coppers that get carrot ice cream all the time."

She looked at him and felt an overwhelming rush of emotion. She hugged him and started to sob. She felt his paws clasp around her back, and they stayed that way for five minutes as she continued to sob.

She pulled away from him and managed to muster a smile, "Thanks, I needed to hear that."

He replied, "Any time, so…..should we get back to police work now?" He gave a sly grin.

She smirked, "Yeah, we can finally get back to police work, I give us permission."

* * *

 

The weeks afterwards were much easier for Judy, she felt this burden regarding Nick was slowly being lifted off her. The times she thought about Nick still filled her with guilt and regret, but it happened less often and was not as painful. She was able to fill the hole in her heart with other things. She started hanging out with other friends. She started taking up new hobbies, like crocheting and kickboxing.

What mostly filled that hole was Jack though. Like she used to do with Nick, she and Jack would hang out after work almost everyday. They would do anything from takeout and movie nights at each other's apartment, clubbing at Sahara Square, or a night of pretending to be snobbish foodies at a fancy restaurant. And if they weren't hanging out, they would text and Snapsqueak each other continuously until what they thought was a responsible time for bedtime. When they got closer, they would start playfully touching each other. She didn't know who started it, but it felt natural to them. He would put his head over her shoulder to see what was on her phone. While driving their patrol car they would reach out their paws to each other's and play with each other's. When walking side by side, they would lightly bump into each other. She also would rest her head on his shoulder if they were sitting next to each other. Judy didn't think much of it, she just knew she enjoyed feeling Jack close to her.

A few months after her breakdown with Jack, Judy was at brunch with Beatrice and their other friend, Candice, a sea otter. She was listening to Beatrice and Candice argue whether there was a need for a proper string cheese etiquette.

Beatrice said, "Look, I don't have any patience peeling off strings of cheese, I'm just going to bite it because that's so much faster."

Candice argued, "Um hello, it's called fucking string cheese. It's literally in the name. You're supposed to eat it as strings of cheese."

Judy felt her phone vibrate, she checked her phone, it was Jack. He sent her a Snapsqueak of his morning bedhead. She smiled and snuck a selfie to send back to him.

Candice asked, "Judy what do you think?"

Judy looked up to see her two friends looking at her, eagerly anticipating an answer.

"Oh um, wait what? What are we talking about? Sorry," Judy stammered.

"Judy are you texting Jack while we're on brunch? Are we that boring to you?" Beatrice scolded.

"No! No! Absolutely not! This is very attention-grabbing and thought-provoking. I just… I just had to see a snapsqueak from um Jack."

"Well since you clearly care more about Jack than us, let's talk about him!" Candice suggested.

"What! No! Let's go back to talking about string cheese!" Judy said.

"Nope, nope, we're talking about Jack now." Beatrice said. "So are you two a thing or something?

Candice added, "Yeah Clawhauser has been low-key keeping track of your movements with Jack and keeps telling me that you're spending way more time with Jack than Nick. Sometimes I worry for him."

Judy said, "No, no, nothing is happening between us. We're just b-, good friends" She almost said best friends. She felt like even though she hasn't really talked to Nick for 3 months at this point, he still couldn't be replaced as her best friend. That would mean completely giving up on him.

Beatrice said, "Well, I mean you guys spend all your time together. And when you guys aren't together, you guys pretty much texting or snapping each other."

Judy said, "Well, isn't that what good friends do?"

Candice said, "Well yeah, at first. But then I see most of them end up as couples."

Judy defended herself, "Yeah, but you said most! So that means a few of them don't become a couple, like Jack and me."

Candice and Beatrice looked at her incredulously, but they knew that Judy was too stubborn to admit anything. So they returned to their string cheese debate.

Ever since the brunch, Judy started nervously thinking, "Do we really act like a couple? Is this how mammals really see us?" She thought about all the times they spent together and realized, they really did act like a couple.

Since the brunch, whenever she was around Jack, she became constantly conscious of all the little casual touches. She started doing all she kind to avoid looking like a couple. Everytime he put his head over her shoulder, she stepped away and teased him for invading her privacy. She kept her paws to herself and stopped resting her head on his shoulder. She made sure to stay a good distance away from him whenever they walked together. She started making up excuses to not hang out and purposefully ignored his texts and snaps. He soon got the message and kept his distance. He kept his hands to himself, he stopped looking over her shoulder, and he stopped texting and snapping her. They still continued their usual conversations and banter, but nothing more than that. And even then Judy noticed he seemed more distant.

She hated herself for doing this. She felt like she starting to form a habit of pushing her guy friends away. She was just confused about her feelings. She always thought of him as a great friend and a great partner before the brunch. But now she wasn't sure. She missed their constant hangouts, their constant texting and snapping, their playful touches. She missed the intimacy of their friendship. She wanted it back. But that would mean putting her heart out there again, and risk being heartbroken again.

* * *

 

One day, while they were both in the patrol car, they were both silent, which was unusual before, but was becoming more of a thing now. It wasn't the kind of comfortable silence she used to have with Nick, she could feel the tension in the air. That's when she decided she was just going to go for it. She took off one paw off the steering wheel and reached for his paw. She grabbed it but then felt him retracting his paw away. She turned to him and saw that he was giving her a confused look.

"Oh crap, why did I do that?" Judy thought nervously. "I should've just continued how it is, I mean that's how I wanted it at first anyways."

Jack gave out a sigh and said, "Judy, can you pull over? We need to talk."

Judy tried to brush it off and said, "What do you mean? Is there something wrong?"

"Judy, please."

Judy knew she couldn't argue with him and pulled over to the side of the road.

"So what do you need to talk about?" Judy asked innocently. She thought maybe if she continued to play dumb, she could delay this talk until he was just be too frustrated and give up.

But then he said, "Judy, I know you're not that dumb. Come on, stop it." Judy could detect a hint of frustration in his voice. She knew if she was him, she would be frustrated too.

She looked down in shame and said, "I'm sorry, I just...I just got scared. I was talking to Candice and Beatrice a few weeks ago, and they thought we were a couple. Then I started become super aware about all the little affectionate things we would do to each other, and that freaked me out. And I started being confused about my feelings and I wanted to stop at first because I only saw you as a great friend and partner. But then when it stopped, I….I missed them. And I noticed you were pulling away like I did and this sounds weird but I really missed you."

Jack stayed silent for a few seconds, seemingly trying to take in everything she just said.

Judy couldn't take the silence anymore and was about to apologize again when he said, "Okay I will admit, I'm attracted to you. Actually I'm really attracted to you."

Right after that confession, both of their faces blushed. Judy looked at him with shock while he turned to the windshield and stiffened up. She could see that he himself was shocked that he just confessed his feelings to her. This was actually the first time she saw him drop his confident persona and turn into a nervous wreck. She thought it was kind of sweet that she was able to do that to her.

He then turned to her and stammered, " I just think you're so beautiful, amazing, strong, funny, and determined. I also feel like we have so much in common, like we can talk for hours and hours. I didn't know how you felt about me but I was fine being friends. Though I guess subconsciously I just started doing all those things because I wanted us together and you didn't seem to mind, so I just kept doing them. But then when you started trying to avoid me, I thought I got the message, you didn't feel the same way that I feel about you."

He paused for a second. She felt that the next thing he was about to say was even harder for him to admit.

He then said, "I was hurt, pretty hurt. And I needed some distance from you but we're partners, we have to work together. So that's why I stopped doing all those things, and I became more distant in our conversations. But now that you tried to reach for my paw, I'm currently really confused on how you feel about me."

She was about to speak when he quickly added, "Also if you're too uncomfortable to work with me because of all this weird romantic awkwardness, feel free to ask for a reassignment. I completely understand."

She smiled and said, "Don't worry about a reassignment happening. You're still a great partner, there's no way I could ask for a reassignment. As for us... honestly I'm just really confused right now and I just kinda hate myself because I feel like I'm messing up another great partnership. It was hard enough losing Nick forever, I really don't want to lose you either."

He smiled at her and held her paw. It felt nice again to be touched by him. He said, "Don't worry, no matter what happens between us, you won't ever lose me. I will always be your friend."

She loved how he was able to reassure her so easily, and reached out to hug him. She wanted to him to hold her. She wanted to know that someone had her back. She wanted to make sure she would never lose him again.

A few minutes passed until he said, "I have an idea."

She pulled away from him and said, "What is it?"

"Why don't we go on a super casual date, so it won't give us the pressure of like a real date. It'll just be a way to see what happens and maybe it'll help you figure out how you feel about me. If you like me, great! We can start seeing where this takes us. If you don't, no problem! We can still be great friends and partners. And we have a night shift tomorrow, so we can just wear our police uniforms to the date, which will probably give us better service to be honest, and then head off to work."

She smiled slyly at him and said, "Wow you are such a romantic, going on a date in our police uniforms and then heading to work afterwards, the ideal first date!"

Jack shrugged and said, "Hey, I just want to help you figure out your shit as soon as possible, so then we go back to being our old selves as fast as possible, or we could be something more! Win win!"

Judy gave him a genuine smile and said, "Well I do love the idea, it'll allow me to kill two ladybirds with one stone in one night. Let's do it!"

* * *

 

She waited outside her apartment for Jack to pick her up in their patrol car. The more she thought about it, the more she loved the idea. She always kinda hated getting dressed up and putting on makeup for a formal event, like her siblings' many weddings and baby showers when she was back in Bunnyburrow. She liked how casual this date will be. There was nothing to hide behind, it's all about just two bunnies being together.

She saw the patrol car pull up right in front of her apartment and then Jack opening the door. He bowed and said, "My lady."

Judy laughed and said, "You're such a dork." She started heading to the passenger door when he ran to the passenger door to open it for her.

"Can't have my lady wasting energy opening doors when she has some shit to figure out."

She giggled and said, "Oh my gosh! You really are such a dork!" She patted his cheek lightly and headed into the car. He closed the door and then headed back to his driver's seat.

"So, my man. Where is our carriage taking us to?" Judy asked.

"Well my fair lady, we were heading to this wonderful little restaurant called Greens Bistro, you may be familiar with a certain carrot stew?"

She put her paws against her cheeks and opened her mouth in joy. They were going to the restaurant where she first took him on their first day. She thought it was really sweet, it was like going full circle. Their first date is where their first day was together. Both the beginning of something new, and possibly wonderful.

She exclaimed, "Only the finest carrot stew in all the land!"

They got to the restaurant, and of course Jack opened the passenger door for her. When she got out, Jack held out his paw to her. She smiled and placed her paw on his, and they held hands going into the restaurant.

She had a great time, they had carrot stew together, they had their usual banter, they gossiped about their co-workers, and they joked about how sad Clawhauser would be if he found out about their date. The only thing that made it different from a usual hangout was that Jack would outwardly show his signs of affections. He complimented her more often, his legs would brush against hers, he would reach out his paw across the table to touch hers. She welcomed every gesture, it felt nice to be loved. Before they knew it, they had 5 minutes before their shift to start. They quickly paid the check and headed out to their patrol car and called dispatch to clock in.

"Woo, we made it!" Judy said. She looked at him and held his hand and said, "Thank you for the date, it was great."

Jack looked at her and said, "I'm glad you had a good time. I...just forgot to do one thing. And I know it's work hours but no one is around."

He reached over, grabbed both of her cheeks with his paws, and kissed her in the lips. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she kissed back.

She thought it was a great kiss, a really great kiss. But she there was a lingering fear that haunted in her subconscious this entire time. It wasn't the perfect kiss. Her perfect kiss with-

"Officer Wilde calling in! We're in a 10-71 right now at near Riverbank St. and 3rd St. with at least 5 mammals! Requesting backup. Requesting backup!"

They let go of each other and Jack turned on the ignition and stepped on the gas.

"Nick…..please hang on. I can't lose you again." Judy thought.


	10. Chapter 10

As Nick was walking away from Judy after their break up, he repeated to himself, "Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back." He mustn't dare look back. Look back at Judy's beautiful, gray-furred face. He remembered when he was yelling at her, he saw her twitching her nose violently, her eyes welling up with tears, and her face tightening. He hated himself for doing this, he could see he was breaking her heart, for the second time, in a span of two days.

"God, I'm a dick," he thought.

He knew he had to do this though. Despite how much he loved her, how much he wanted to feel her warm body pressed against his, how much he wanted to kiss her again, he reminded himself that he couldn't anymore. He had to break off every possible strand of friendship left with her. For her sake. She shouldn't be with a fox like him. She said it herself, he would always just be a sly, shifty, and untrustworthy fox. And for his sake. He also hated her. Those words she said to him. About him, about Darren. He can't even look at her without being reminded of how much of a pathetic fox he is. He knew he was doing the right thing, even though it felt terrible for both of them. He reasoned, "Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do right? I think I read that in a fortune cookie one time."

He had to get better, he could not be that close to suicide again. And that meant avoiding everything that made him feel horrible, like Judy.

After what seemed like a long walk of him justifying his recent actions, he was finally out of the police station. The evening air felt extra cold for some reason. He crossed his arms against his body in a futile attempt to keep himself warm and started walking home. His teeth were chattering. Each footstep felt heavy. He felt extra alone. His heart felt like it lost its half. To say the very least, he was pretty miserable.

" _Wow Nick, do you even know how friendship works? How did you even make friends in the first place?"_

"You… you told me to do this. You fucking told me to do this." Nick muttered.

" _And you listened to me? Wow you're a bigger idiot than I thought."_

Nick clenched his head, "No no no, this can't be happening right now! I… I gotta go get some booze."

Nick got a Zuuber and told the driver to take him to K9's Den, a local dive bar that caters to animals of the canine family. It was about a 10 minute walk from where he lived so he figured that it was close enough where he could walk home safely. Well probably 50% chance he could. After a 10 minute, mind-torturing drive, he finally arrived. He stepped in and found himself already feeling a little saner to be around alcohol. He always enjoyed the simplicity of the bar. There were several booths to his left with some filled with groups of friends chatting, dim lighting, a dart board at the very end of the bar, and of course the actual bar with most of the stools empty. He hopped onto a barstool and faced forward, waiting for the bartender's attention. His ears perked up when he heard another mammal sit in the barstool next to him.

"Wow are you Nick Wilde?"

He turned to his right. There was a vixen, a red fox like him, dressed in pink crop top, leather jacket, and jeans. He thought she was cute.

He grinned, "Why yes, yes I am. And you are?"

She raised out her paw for a handshake, "Carrie Sharptooth."

He held her paw and kissed the back of it and said, "Pleasure to meet you Carrie."

She giggled.

The bartender, a wolf, approached them and asked Nick, "What would you like to drink?"

He said, "A shot of whiskey for me, and… for the lady?"

She smiled, "I will have what he's having."

He smiled back. This was going to be a fun night.

* * *

He woke up to another splitting headache.

"Ugh, shit. Nick, you are owning this thing called life." Last night was a blur to him. He tried hard to piece together the snapshots of memories he had. He remembered talking to a vixen, then drinking a lot, making out outside the bar with her as they got into a Zuuber, them entering his apartment.

"Oh god," he thought. "I just gave myself both a therapy and physical therapy session." Physical therapy is what he liked to call when he sleeps with someone to forget about his inner voice. "It's come to that hasn't it."

He started getting up and felt his paw touch his companion's fur.

"Hm?" he heard her grunt.

"Oh shit, my bads, I didn't mean to wake you up.

"It's okay...What time is it?"

He used his impeccable night vision to find his phone on the drawer next to him.

"4:45 AM"

He heard her yawn, "Wow, do you usually get up this early?"

"Well I wake up early when I have alcohol, and I have work early in the morning."

"Oh."

There was a good few seconds of dead silence.

Nick broke the silence, "Well, I had a fun night, but maybeeee you should get going. I'm sure you have things to do, and I have things to do. You see I have this whole hangover and morning routine, you know what I mean."

She got up and said, "Oh don't worry, I know this is a one night stand. But wanna shower together? I mean I don't have to be at work until 9 am. And I wouldn't mind having some more fun in the morning."

He gave her a surprised but interested look.

She smirked and put her paw on his cheek, "I mean who else can say that they had sex in bed and in the shower with the Nick Wilde?"

He shrugged, he couldn't argue with that logic. He leaned his face in and started kissing her.

Carrie left right after the shower. Before she left though, she gave him her number.

She winked as she handed him the slip of paper, "Just in case you wanted to have more fun,"

"Yeah sure, no problem."

He led her out and closed the door on her. He promptly threw her number away in the trash.

"Phew, she was a lot of fun, but ehhh not my type," Nick thought to himself. "Time to make an omelet."

* * *

He showed up to roll call seconds before Chief Bogo started the announcements. He could feel Bogo's angry eyes piercing through his soul as he walked to his seat. The usual.

"Gosh, I thought you were going to be late, but you got here right on time! You're so cool Nick." Daniel whispered with no hint of his hero worship waning.

"You know me, I like to keep it dramatic," he said before he sipped his coffee. He was feeling more hungover than he did yesterday. Maybe he was getting too old for this or maybe it was because he drank two days in a row. Or maybe the shower sex tired him out. Whatever the reason was, he needed this coffee more than ever.

He didn't really listen to Chief Bogo's announcements. He just listened enough to know the proper response, like if he needed to nod or cheer for someone's birthday. He glanced at Judy and observed that she seemed to be doing okay, doing much better than he was at least. Why wouldn't she? She probably didn't care at all that their friendship was effectively over. He could already feel his mind becoming clouded with dark thoughts. His head sunk, he wasn't sure if he could ever get over her. Over his love for her and over his hate for her. It didn't help that he had to see her every time he came to work.

The only thing that he felt like he had that was worthwhile was being a good mentor to Daniel. Sure, he was a bit too chatty, excitable and worshippy, but he was also passionate, talented, and a sweet kid. He wanted to make sure he became a good cop. For some reason he felt like he owed it to Daniel. To Nick, being a good mentor meant being the perfect police officer. Well, perfect in his own definition. He was still going to be lazy and late, but he did not want Daniel to know any of the skeletons in his closet. Nothing about last night, Darren, his parents, his inner voice, and Judy.

* * *

For the next few months, his inner voice kept coming back, to the point that it was almost everyday. Whenever he was working, he was able to control it well since he was so used to hiding his feelings around mammals. But once his work shift is over, he felt exhausted after keeping it under control. He started having many nights, too many nights where he would just drink booze alone in bed, bring a vixen home, or get drunk and bring a vixen home. He was starting to get used to starting every morning being hungover, it was becoming routine for him. He knew what he was doing was destructive and dangerous, but he was desperate. He had to escape his inner voice, and this was the surefire way.

Despite all this, he felt like that he managed to be a pretty good mentor to Daniel. He taught him everything he knew. Of course he taught him about the most important stuff like the best donut places, the best coffee places, and the best diners. Then there was the other stuff like how to spot a pickpocketer easily, how to predict when a mammal was about to commit a crime, and how to read and take advantage of someone's emotions when interrogating them. He learned a lot of this stuff when he was a confox, and it's what made him a valuable asset when he was partners with Judy. He also knew they didn't teach this stuff in the police academy, so he hoped these extra tips made Daniel into a much more well-rounded cop.

As they spent more and more time together, Daniel started opening up to Nick a little. He would tell Nick about the little things Terry, his boyfriend of two years, did that annoyed him. He also told him the many things he loved about Terry. He talked to him about how much he loved and cared for his younger sisters. He even hinted at his depression one time.

"Ugh sometimes Terry is wayyyyy too loud when he comes home late from work! He's a fox! He knows we have sensitive ears! Why does he have to stomp around the apartment and make such a ruckus!?" Daniel complained.

"I'm sure he's trying his best. Though I swear, sometimes our hearing is so good that someone could be tip toeing and that would still be stomping to us."

Daniel laughed, "Hahahaha, that's so true! Yeah maybe I'm being a little hard on him. He did um...help me come out of a dark time."

Nick turned to him, worried, "You wanna talk about it?"

Daniel said, "No! No! No! I don't want to bum you out. Let's talk about where to get lunch instead."

Nick was a bit surprised that Daniel held something back from him. He decided not to pursue it because who was he to speak? He refused to talk to Daniel anything remotely personal. However, that all changed one night.

* * *

He got home, not really in the mood to go to the bar. He had a tough day, he saw Judy and Jack being closer than ever. The image of the two of them laughing about god knows what and Jack's paw wrapped around her waist burned in his mind. It crushed him to see them together. And he knew exactly why. Even after weeks of not talking to Judy, he failed to move on while she has completely moved on. The worst part was that he knew that this whole thing was his fault.

" _She could've been yours if you hadn't fucked up. But she's gone forever by frankly, a guy much better than you. He's a bunny too, there's no way she'll go for a fox like you. Because you know why? Because she knows you'll always be just a shady, sly, conniving little fox that no one will ever trust."_

"Time for some booze," Nick said despondently. He walked to his kitchen and looked into the pantry for any more alcohol. There was none left, he drank it all over the past few months.

"Fuck…..No….." Nick said in horror.

" _Hahahahhahahahahahha! Looks like you're stuck with me! We're going to have a lot of fun. I heard that you have a gun somewhere around here. Why don't we play with it a bit?"_

"No! I can fix this!" Nick yelled. He grabbed a red hoodie jacket, his keys, and wallet and left his apartment.

" _Where you going? You know you can't escape me. I'll always be by your side, no matter what."_

"Oh no you don't, I'm not going to let you control me."

" _But Nick, I already am. This whole time."_

Nick tried his best to ignore it the best he could. He knew he was running out of time, if he let it continue, he could….he didn't even want to think about it. He arrived at the nearest liquor store and quickly bought a Grey Moose vodka. He laid out 2 $20 bills for the cashier and told him to keep the change. He didn't have time to get change. He had to save himself from his inner voice.

" _You know you can't stop me with that. I'm just going to keep coming back again and again and again."_

Nick opened the bottle and started drinking it like it was water. He didn't care about the judging eyes and the worried looks from passersby, they didn't know his struggles. They didn't know that what he's doing is saving his life. He put down the bottle, he was already feeling that fuzzy feeling.

"Hey Nick!"

Nick turned around and saw Daniel holding hands with another arctic fox.

"Oh no," he thought. "Just… just got to play it cool Nick."

"Oh, heyyyyyyyyyy Danny boy! Hey Hey!" Nick slurred.

Daniel said, "Oh hey, haha, it looks like you got quite a bit to drink," he points to the bottle of a half empty bottle of Grey Moose.

Nick said incomprehensibly, "Oh you! With the jokes! Hahaha! Oh, you know. Just a friendly afternoon wait no night, no wait afternoon? Yes, just some afternight drinking. That's just how I do it."

Nick thought, "Good acting Nick. No one knows you've been drinking."

Daniel said, "Oh uh okay, um well this is Terry! You know, the man of my dreams! We're just coming back from date night. We went to our favorite Mediterranean place."

Terry said with a worried look, "Nice to finally meet you...Nick…"

Nick whispered with such drunken intensity, "You two together….are….just…..so…..great."

Terry whispered to Daniel, "I think he's really drunk, we should probably take him back to our place, just to make sure he'll be okay."

Daniel whispered back, "Yeah, probably."

Nick felt himself being carried by the two young foxes.

"Hey, hey, hey what's going on? What's going on? I think I'm floating in the air!" Nick said with confused glee.

"Don't worry Nick, we'll take good care of you," Daniel reassured.

"Wow you two are like a hotel. Do you two have toilets, because I need to go do that thing where vomit comes out of me. Vomiting! Yes that's the stuff."

* * *

The next thing he knew, Nick was lying down on a comfy couch.

"Huh? I don't have a couch, where am I?" Nick thought.

"I'll be there in like 5 minutes! I just wanna check on Nick!" Daniel said to Terry.

"Shit," Nick thought. "I must be at Daniel's place. I can't talk to him now. I'm too humiliated!" Nick didn't want to face any scolding or teasing for being found drunk, which he was sure he was going to receive. Daniel is a kind soul but there's no way he wouldn't take this opportunity to tease him right? He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

He heard Daniel come by his side and whisper, "Oh still out cold huh?" He then heard Daniel take a seat nearby him.

"When is he going to leave?" Nick wondered.

"Hey Nick, this is so silly talking to while you're passed out, but I don't know. I don't think I could ever say this to you when you're actually conscious, so I'll just tell you right now. I just want to say I'm glad that I got to see this side of you. You managed to teach me another lesson, even your heroes can make mistakes, and that's completely okay," he paused for a second. "I know you've must've had a tough life, and maybe you're going through some things. I'm guessing the reassignment from Judy has been hard on you too. Don't worry it's been hard on her. Jack and I talk.

Nick couldn't help but smile when he heard it was hard on Judy too.

"Wow, she still cares about me despite all the horrible things I did to her," Nick thought.

"I just want to say that you don't have to pretend to be some perfect fox to me. I don't look up to you because you're perfect, I look up to you because you're Nick Wilde. Despite your flaws, you managed to do something amazing. You carved a path for many foxes. You may not know this, but you're a role model to all of us. You deserve to have an award or something, yet you're so humble, and you never see yourself as the amazing fox you are.

Daniel paused again. Nick had a warm feeling in his chest hearing all this heartfelt praise from Daniel. He felt a bit fulfilled, a feeling he hadn't had for a long time.

Daniel continued, "You know as weird it may be, I always wanted to be a police officer. As a kid I would pretend to be a police officer and arrest my friends who pretended to be the criminals. Gosh I was some weird fox. Anyways as I grew up, that dream became well just a dream to me. I learned that there was no place for a fox in the ZPD. Also...both of my parents were gone by the time I turned 16 and I had two younger sisters to take care of. I wasn't going to let the adoption agency split us apart, so I took care of them. I quit school, and I tried looking for an honest job. And I couldn't. So I became a drug dealer and that's how my sisters and I were able to survive. I know what it's like to hold such painful memories close to you and let them torture you. I...was tortured for so long but I always had to hide it because I had to be strong for my sisters. It was hard, really hard. And I just felt so hopeless and defeated for years. The only thing that kept be going were my sisters. But then I saw you on TV when they interviewed you right after your graduation from the police academy. Something in me changed. I realized that it was actually possible to become something more than what society thought foxes were capable of. And so I left my life as a criminal and started taking classes to get accepted into the police academy. I know it was risky, but I had to follow my dreams again. I also met my boyfriend at school who was taking classes to be a nurse. And we fell in love. And he has been such a great support. While I was away in the police academy, he helped take care of my sisters. They also both saw you on TV and now they believe they can do anything. They're in college now. Can you believe that? College! I think this is why I look up to you so much. You showed me that there is hope for us after all. And yes while it may be hard, that doesn't mean we should stop hoping. So thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for helping me achieve my dream. You're still my hero."

Daniel got up and left. Nick waited until he heard the bedroom door closed before he started crying to himself. He cried until slumber overtook him.

He woke up to the smell of hash browns and omelets. He opened his eyes and turned to his left, he saw a glass of water and small box of ibuprofen for him. He then felt the usual throbbing headache in the morning.

He got up and turned around and saw Daniel and Terry cooking in the kitchen together. He noticed how they seamlessly worked together in the kitchen. He would see Daniel cut up the vegetables quickly and seamlessly while Terry cooked each omelet. They also snuck kisses with each other in between each action. They really do make a cute couple.

"Good morning Nick! You're finally awake you sleepyhead! Daniel greeted happily. "We're just making some omelets since it's the best breakfast ever for a hangover. I left you some water and ibuprofen by your side too."

"Oh...yeah... uh….good morning, thanks for the water and ibuprofen," Nick said. He was hungover and just woke up, he didn't have the energy to be witty and snarky.

"Sure no problem! And go ahead if you need to shower, but it's already 5:50 am, and we need to head to work in 40 minutes!"

"Yeah...no problem."

Later that day, Nick and Daniel were patrolling Tundratown in their police car.

"Hey, thanks for taking me in last night. That was….really nice of you. I don't know what would've happened to me last night if it wasn't for you two." Nick said.

Daniel brush off the thanks, "Don't mention it! It's the least I can do for you! You help me out all the time! More than you would ever know."

Nick's ears drooped a bit and stayed silent for a few seconds. He then said, "I need to be honest with you. I've been...hurting a lot.

Daniel shot a surprised look at him. He wasn't sure what to expect from Nick.

Nick continued, "I had a very tough childhood and it makes it harder for me to get over things. Heh, I'm being such a baby. I blame myself for a lot of things. So yes, the reassignment from Judy has been hard on me, but that's not even the worst thing I'm going through. What has been bothering me the most is….well...there was this kid named Darren…"

* * *

-Flashback-

Darren and Nick were sitting across from each other at his office. Darren was crossing his arms with a scowl on his face, and was looking aimlessly past Nick. Nick took note of that as he tried to figure out what to do with him.

Nick said calmly, "Darren I noticed you didn't volunteer at the senior center last weekend, you need to volunteering consistently."

Darren responded curtly, "I don't have the time."

"You need to make time."

Raising his voice slightly, he asked, "Speaking of making time, I also found out you have not been going to school again. Can you tell me why?"

"I don't need school. It's fucking stupid."

Nick asked, "Excuse me?"

Darren said, "Yeah! It's fucking stupid! Okay? This whole thing is stupid!"

Nick reminded him, "You think this is stupid? Would you rather be in jail for 3-5 years with all those dangerous criminals?"

Frustrated, Darren said, "I just... I just don't see the point in this! How is this going to help me? What is this going to teach me? This is still going on my criminal record, not that it matters because every fucking body sees me as a criminal or lowlife. When I went to class a few days ago, I saw that my teacher didn't even want me here. She fucking rolled her eyes at me and told me, "Oh you're back? Didn't expect to see you here." Why should I even go to school if the teachers hate me? Why should I even go to volunteering? I'm probably going to end up being in jail soon just because I'm wearing a hoodie."

Nick didn't know what to say. Darren was exactly like him as a kid. He faced the same challenges and couldn't understand the importance of school or being a good citizen since he was seen as a lowlife. He left school and gave up ever finding an honest job. He wasn't entirely sure what to tell him. But he had to say something.

He calmly said, "I know it's hard, believe me I know. I've been there too. But Darren this is a chance for you to change, you beat against all the odds. To prove all those people wrong.

Darren looked at him angrily and said, "You don't fucking understand do you. It's impossible." He paused for a second. "You're just some uppity fox cop now." He stood up from his seat. "I'm out of here, this is a waste of time."

Nick said, "Darren, our session isn't over. Please sit back down."

Darren said coldly, "You know a bunch of the foxes in my neighborhood see you as a traitor. They tell me to stop seeing you because you're not one of us anymore. I can see why now."

Darren stormed out of his office. Nick sighed, his ears drooping. He decided to let it go this time. There was no point keeping him around if he was angry. To be honest, he wasn't sure what to say to Darren that wasn't patronizing or empty.

He sadly thought, "Until society changes its mind about foxes, there's nothing I can do."

"Blueberry muffin?"

Nick looked up from the ground and saw Judy across from his desk holding a blueberry muffin.

"I saw Darren storming out past my office, and I was going to save this for you at the end of the day...but I think you need it now." She gave him a warm smile.

He smiled weakly and grabbed the muffin from her, "Thanks Carrots."

* * *

-A week later-

"Darren never came today, I waited the whole hour for him," Nick told Judy worriedly.

"What do you think we should do? Judy asked. "He has been non-compliant. He didn't show up to volunteering again last weekend."

"I think we should look for him. I kinda have a bad feeling."

"Me too, let's drive to his place?"

"Good idea Carrots, can always count on you."

They started heading to the patrol car. As they do, Judy asked, "What is your gut telling you Nick?"

Nick answered, "Well, he has a pretty disillusioned view of...society in general. With good reason too I must add. I think he might try to go back to where he felt like he truly belonged. His drug ring. I just don't know which one he belonged to. I tried not to talk about it with him.

"You really think he'll do that? I thought he wanted to change."

"I've seen so many foxes try to change…just to go back to crime. It's the only industry that'll accept foxes with open arms. Except... I don't know if his drug ring will be too happy to have him back.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well if they found out that he's been interacting with police like this, they might assume he ratted them out. And they don't take too kindly to that. I just hope we're not too late."

"Yeah, me too."

She put her paw on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He looked at her and moved his shoulder away. He felt like he didn't deserve it.

The first place they stopped by his home. They knocked on the door. A middle-aged vixen smoking a cigarette answered the door.

"Yeah? What do you want?" the vixen asked.

"Hi my name is Officer Wilde and this is my partner, Officer Hopps. We're here to see if your son is here ma'am. And don't worry he's not in trouble, we just need to talk to him."

"Oh that little shithead? He just left 30 minutes ago. Said something about seeing his friends. Bet that little asshole is going to hit up some drugs."

"Okay, do you possibly know about where he went? And o you remember what he was wearing?"

"How the hell should I know? And some a red oversized shirt and baggy black pants. I think."

A horrible realization came to Nick, "Oh no."

"Okay thank you for your time ma'am. We hope you have the good rest of the day."

"Whatever."

"Well she wasn't very helpful," Judy complained. "And the way she talked about her son!"

She looked at Nick who seemed to be on the verge of panicking, "Nick, you okay? What did you find out?"

"Judy, we have to find him now. Red and black are the colors of one of the most violent gang and drug ring in the city. Their name is Red Moon. They say that if you wronged them in any way, even a slight bump passing by them, they'll make sure you bleed until the moon bleeds red."

"Oh god, that's horrible. Oh god, Darren! You're right let's go!"

* * *

Nick and Judy decided to split up to cover more ground. They were back in the area where they found Darren when they first arrested him.

"Jesus, if we hadn't arrested him, he would probably would've been better off." Nick regretted. It was already 9:00 pm and it was pitch black outside. There were no functioning streetlights, the only light came from the buildings and the moon. Luckily his night vision came in handy in these types of situation. He had no need for a flashlight, which often gave him the element of stealth.

"God I hope Judy will be okay here." He had no doubts about her self-defense skills, she was at least 1000 times better than him. However, she was still subject to a surprise attack since she does not have night vision. Suddenly he heard a muffled gunshot.

"Shoot, I better tell the dispatcher." He grabs his radio, "Officer Wilde here, there's been a gunshot around 2 blocks away. I'm on the corner of Shore St and Main St. Will call for backup if needed."

He heard Clawhauser from the other end say, "Roger that. Be careful Nick."

He brought out his handgun from his buckle and started heading to the location of the gunshot. He realized he reached the alley where Darren was first arrested.

He peered into the alley and saw a body lying at the center of the alley.

"Oh god, please don't let it be him."

He walked up to the body and examined it. The victim was naked, bruises and cuts found all over the body. The victim was beaten viciously before he was shot in the head. That gunshot he heard earlier, it could not have been more than 5 minutes ago. He felt tears welling up as he grabbed his radio again.

"Officer Wilde here. Got a 10-91D from a 187," he gulped. "Victim identified as Darren Cape."

Nick was busy silently typing up this report at his office with Judy was waiting by his side. She didn't want him to be alone tonight. They haven't said a word to each other since the drive back to the station. He had no intention on breaking the silence, he just wanted to focus on his work. If he remained focused, then he won't have to think about it. Finally, Judy broke the silence and said, "Nick…"

Before she could say anything else, Nick swung from his chair and kneeled down next to her. He hugged her and laid his head on her right shoulder as he started weeping. All she could do was return the hug and cry with him.

* * *

-Present-

Nick said, "It became our first murder case. We almost didn't get it because Chief Bogo thought we were too close to it. But we both had a fire under our belly. Judy wanted justice. I wanted justice too, but I mostly wanted revenge. So I worked 24/7, even more than Judy, trying to find Darren's killer. I went over old cases, scouring for any information about Red Moon, and any other similar gangs. I talked to my connections in the crime world. I went undercover, usually by myself, at shady places. I felt like I had to. I failed him as a mentor, working on this case helped….distract me from thinking I failed him. Eventually I became obsessed. I didn't eat, sleep, or drink. In a way I felt like I didn't deserve to. It was my fault Darren wasn't alive, why should I even bother trying to stay alive? Unfortunately, none of my leads went anywhere and I kept getting beat up by various gang members. Working the case itself became a reminder of my failure, but that just made me work even harder on this case. It was an endless, increasing cycle of me beating myself up over his death. It was...not a good time. Eventually Judy told Chief Bogo how much this case was destroying me, and we were removed from the case. It was transferred to another team and it was just shelved. They didn't bother, said it was unsolvable. I was devastated. I….still am today. And this is just one of the many things I blame myself for. I…carry a huge burden every day."

During his whole story, he looked down in shame, afraid to look at Daniel. He was not used to opening up and he was scared to see any judging eyes. He was afraid if he did he wouldn't able to continue the story. But now he can look, and what he saw was Daniel smiling with tears coming down his eyes.

"Nick...thank you….thank you so much for telling me. I know that was so hard for you to tell me but I'm glad you did. I know that opening up is going to help you in the long run and I didn't think it was possible, but I admire you so much more now. I admire that you don't let your pain prevent you from coming to work and doing your best to fulfill your duty to Zootopia. You don't let it hold you back. I guess that just shows your strong willpower, something I wish I had. And I just want to say that Darren's death, it wasn't your fault. It really wasn't. It was the killer's fault. And someday the killer will face justice. I'm sure of it."

Nick said, "Thank you." He gave Daniel a hug, a gesture that surprised both of them. Of course Daniel returned the hug with much enthusiasm.

Nick saw the boldness in Daniel. His real belief that justice will prevail. No matter what. Even when things don't seem just right now, eventually it will prevail. It reminded him of Judy, and her naive ideals of justice when she first moved came here. Nick himself was jaded and disillusioned from his past, but seeing Daniel, it was so rare to see a fox that had those same ideals. It made him want to believe again. Maybe he should again, if a fox with a troubled past like Daniel can, he can too.

* * *

A few days after Nick's confession to Daniel, they had a night shift together. They tend to be assigned to night shifts more often than their counterparts due to their ability to see in the dark. They didn't mind too much since foxes are generally nocturnal.

"I'm glad you're doing much better Nick, you haven't drunk or had a one night stand for three days," Daniel said.

Nick shrugged, "What can I say, you somehow got to me Daniel."

Nick was proud of himself, he felt like he was finally getting better. He felt like he had regained a little control of his mind again. Sure, he heard his inner voice still, but at least he didn't let it drive him into suicide, drinking or meaningless sex. So that's a start.

They were just driving around when they heard the dispatcher on the radio, "Officer Wilde and Snowe, there's been a reported 415 on 3rd St and Riverbank St, could you assess the situation?"

Nick replied, "Sure thing, no problem."

After 10 minutes of their siren blaring, they were at the 4-way intersection. It was at the edge of the city, near where all the shipyards were. The roads were completely empty, there wasn't a mammal or car in sight.

Daniel said nervously, "There's no one here, how can there be a disturbance?"

Nick said, "Yeah this doesn't seem right. Come on let's go outside and search around."

They both got out of their cars when they see 3 pairs of headlights approaching from the other 3 sides of the intersection.

Nick thought, "Uh oh, this can't be good."

The three cars parked at the center of the intersection, Nick saw five medium-sized animals, a few heads taller than him, come out of those cars, each one covered in black garb and holding a handgun.

"Fuck, this was a setup." Nick realized. "Daniel, take cover now!"

They both ran to the back of the police car and crouched down. Nick could hear bullets ricocheting off their police car. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, his thoughts were going a mile a minute. He couldn't think of a plan, he rarely get involved in shootouts.

"Oh god if only Judy was here, she would know what to do," Nick lamented.

"We can't hide back here forever, we got to hold them back or else we're done for!" Daniel cried.

Nick took a deep breath and managed to calm down a little. He thought of a plan. It wasn't a great plan, but it was a plan.

"Um, okay, here's what we do. I'll call back up, and we'll keep shooting at them to hold them back. If we're smart and aim well, we should be able to hold them back until backup arrives."

As Nick was grabbing his radio from his belt, Daniel started panicking and muttering, "I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can do this."

Nick then grabbed him in the shoulders and reassured him, "Daniel...Daniel….Daniel! You can do this. You can do this. Think about back in the academy, target practice. This is just target practice. You were #1 at target practice remember? Stationary targets, moving targets, big, and small, you could shoot anything. You can do this. Believe in yourself, because I believe in you."

Nick saw Daniel's eyes as it went from shaking with fear to one filled with resolve.

He simply said, "I'll cover you," then he peeked from the side of the car and started shooting.

Nick had never been prouder of Daniel.

He brought the radio to his mouth and yelled, "Officer Wilde calling in! We're in a 10-71 right now at near Riverbank St. and 3rd St. with at least 5 mammals! Requesting backup. Requesting backup!"

He then started peeking out from his side and started shooting. He noticed one of the shooters was already lying on the ground, unresponsive. The other four has taken cover behind their cars.

"Damn Daniel, back at it again with the sharpshooter aim," he thought.

After 5 minutes, both Daniel and Nick incapacitated two more of the mammals. Nick felt good, his adrenaline was rushing. He thought that they had a good chance of surviving this. Running out of bullets, he sat back down to reload his gun. At the corner of his eye, he saw another mammal in black garb on Daniel's side of the street, with his gun aimed at Daniel.

"Where the fuck did he come from?" Nick thought. He then heard the mammal pull the trigger several times. Suddenly, everything was in slow motion. He saw Daniel slowly turning to his right when he heard the gun and the bullets slowly heading towards Daniel, ready to pierce his chest.

"No, I can't let him die like this. He has so much to live for. I…I don't." Nick thought. He knew what he had to do. At what seemed like super speed, Nick went on all four of his legs and leaped in front of Daniel. He pushed Daniel down to the ground with his left arm, as he landed right in front of him, and took the bullets.

He shook uncontrollably as he collapsed to the ground. There was overwhelming burning pain in his chest, abdomen, and legs. Were those where the bullets entered? He couldn't tell. He was just trying to breathe but it was too painful. He felt blood leaving his body, fast. He was scared, so scared. He thought he heard Daniel yelling his name. He wasn't sure. He wanted to yell but he couldn't. His body was betraying him more and more as each second passed. Suddenly he felt tired, but he knew he had to fight back. He tried and tried and tried, but the exhaustion was overwhelming. He just wanted to sleep. Why did he have to fight anyways? He realized he finally did some good for once. He protected Daniel. He kept him alive. He kept justice alive. He can die like this. And finally Nick was at peace. Everything went dark.


	11. Chapter 11

Nick eyes slowly opened, all he could see was white.

"Where am I? Am I in heaven? Wow! Pretty sure I was going to burn in hell," Nick thought. He shrugged in his mind, "Guess being a police officer made up for all the sins."

As his vision started to return, he realized he was just staring at a white ceiling.

Confused that it turned out he might not actually be in heaven, he muttered, "What… what the?"

He looked to his sides. On his left, he saw an IV machine with a tube that spun around into his left arm. He then started to realize there was an incessant beeping coming from his cardiac monitor.

"There's no cardiac monitors or IVs in heaven…," Nick reasoned. "Wait, Wait! I'm alive! Oh my fucking god I'm fucking alive!"

Excited about this realization, he sat up and felt burning, shooting pain down his back and chest.

"Ahhhhhhh" he groaned in pain. "Right, bullets can cause you to have severe pain."

He looked down on his body and saw he was bandaged from the chest down to his legs.

He thought, "Well I guess I look like a mummy now."

He looked to the right and saw a bunny with a pink flannel shirt and blue jeans sleeping on the chair near him. It was Judy.

He couldn't help but smile to see her curled up in her chair. "Wow, she's really cute when she's sleeping," he admitted. "I wonder how long she's been here."

The doctor opened the curtains around his bed and in came the nurse and him. The doctor was a koala, not much taller than Judy while the nurse was an antelope.

As the nurse was replacing the IV bag with a filled one, the doctor said gladly, "Nick! I see that you're back in the living with us. My name is Dr. Euca. So glad to finally meet you."

Nick grinned, "Glad to be back from my long nap sir, though I could do without all this pain."

The nurse said, "Don't worry hon, you have a fresh batch of Morphine and Oxycodone on your way."

Nick replied, "Can't wait to feel the magical powers of opioids coursing through my body."

The doctor chuckled, "Well I'm glad that your humor is still intact. You were a fighter you know. You went into toxic shock and we thought you were a goner. But...you refused to give up."

Nick's grin disappeared, "Oh….oh wow...to be honest, I remember that I was... ready to die when I was shot."

The doctor said in a more somber tone, "I had quite a few patients who said the same thing. You know what I say? I tell them maybe your body thought differently. I'm glad yours did. You're a spectacular mammal Nick. I've seen all your accomplishments on TV."

Nick didn't expect such kindness from his doctor, "Oh um, thank you."

The doctor smiled warmly, "Maybe it had something to do with your little bunny girlfriend next to you. She refused to leave your side as the paramedics pushed your gurney to the operating room. And she's been here every night. You've been out for 5 days Nick."

Nick was shocked. Everything was starting to hit him now, like the fact he's alive, that he's been out for 5 days, and that Judy was actually here.

The doctor said, "She really cares about you Nick, not many mammals have that."

Nick gave him a slight nod in agreement.

The doctor said, "Well anyways, I think we'll keep you in here for at most a month, depending on how well you heal and just to make sure you don't develop an infection. A nurse will be back here in about 6 hours to give you another refill of your pain medications."

The doctor and the nurse left. Nick looked at Judy again and couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. This felt just like when he had ice cream with her at that bridge in the park. It was when he first realized she was beautiful, the first step to finding out he was in love with her. And that's when he realized, he doesn't hate her anymore. How could he hate her? What's there to hate? He projected his own damn failures onto a bunny who may have said some hurtful words in her time of anger, which was caused by his own foolish actions. He had been unfair to her this whole time, pushing her away. He suffered from his own actions, but worst of all, he made Judy suffer.

He decided to wake her up, he couldn't wait to talk to her again. With the power of opioids coursing through his body, he reached over to her without any pain and gave her a nudge.

"Heyyyy Carrots, wake up you silly bunny," he said slyly.

Judy stirred from her sleep, her eyes slowly opened, and she saw Nick giving her his signature grin from his bed. She felt his grin was different this time. It didn't look like he was hiding any pain or hatred for her, it was actually genuine happiness, playful even.

"Nick! Nick! Oh my gosh, you're awake! You're finally awake!" Tears started streaming down her face. "Oh my gosh I would give you a hug right now, but I probably shouldn't huh."

"Yeah, Judy you don't know your own strength," Nick reminded her. "You might just crush me with your hug."

Judy chuckled as tears continued to stream down her face, "Oh my gosh, I'm just so glad right now. And I'm so ugly crying right now but that doesn't matter because you're awake. Oh, Nick you're awake."

Her body then suddenly stiffened up prompting a worried look from Nick's face. "You okay Carrots?"

She couldn't believe she made Nick worried about her even though he was the one that just got shot. "I….I just realized that I've been blabbering and I never apologized. I'm so sorry Nick, I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I….I shouldn't have said those things to you. And I regret it all the time. Nick you're definitely much more than just a fox. You're an amazing cop, an amazing friend, an amazing mentor, an amazing everything! I'm trash compared to-" she was cut off mid-sentence as Nick beckoned her to come closer to her bed. She came to his bedside and Nick leaned towards her to wipe away her tears. She forgot how gentle he could be.

He finally said, "As nice it was to hear your apology with your Oscar-winning ugly crying, you don't have to." He sat back down facing forward and clasped his paws into a ball, "Everything was my fault. Your anger, our breakup, our pain afterwards, it was all my fault. And don't you dare call yourself trash Carrots, because that would mean we're all vile shit. And I don't want to be vile shit." He turned back to her and smiled. He felt lighter again, like a burden has been lifted off him.

Judy chuckled as she wiped her tears, "Oh Nick, you're such a dumb fox sometimes. Let's just agree to share the blame and then we can both feel like assholes together."

Nick knew that wouldn't be so easy, but it could be a small step towards healing. He grinned and said, "Deal."

They shook paws on it and then they laughed about how ridiculous they were.

The curtains were opened again and in came Jack with a fresh batch of Judy's clothes.

"Hey babe!" Jack greeted. He put down her clothes on the chair she was sitting on and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Nick's heart sunk. He kept his grin but he could feel his ears dropping slightly. He thought Judy might've caught that because she shot him an "I'm sorry" face.

"I just wanted to give you a fresh batch of clothes before I head off to work."

Judy's expression quickly changed into a beaming smile and she hugged him. "Awww, you're so sweet! You didn't have to!"

Jack said, "Anything for you Jude."

Nick wanted to puke.

Jack then turned to Nick and said, "And hey you! Nick! You're awake! That's great! We've all been worried sick about you dude."

Nick mustered a sly grin and said, "What can I say? It takes more than a few bullets to take down the great Nick Wilde."

Judy rolled her eyes while Jack chuckled, "Right you are!" His expression then turned more serious and he said, "But in all seriousness, we're all really glad you're okay. You're such an important part of so many mammals' lives, ours included. Zootopia would've lost a real treasure if you were gone."

Nick was surprised by his genuine kindness, he despised how difficult it was to dislike him. He said, "Wow, thanks, that's really kind of you to say."

Judy joked, "Oh don't be too nice to Nick. He already has a giant head to store that giant ego of his."

Jack said, "Oh right, gotta take it all back, sorry Nick, she's the boss!"

They all chuckled, even Nick did, which surprised him.

Nick thought, "I should be less jealous, maybe Jack isn't so bad, he is a really nice guy."

Jack turned to Judy, "Okay I really got to get going. I'll see you later?"

Judy replied, "Yeah sure."

They pecked each other in the mouth.

Nick thought, "Scratch that, I hate him."

Jack left, and Judy turned to Nick and suddenly she had a guilty expression on her face again.

She said, "I'm sorry, I just…Jack was there for me and I need to see where this goes." Her relationship with Jack has been great, they really enjoyed each other's company and he was a complete gentleman. He had been really accommodating to her as she has been staying by Nick's bedside for the past five days when not at work. He didn't seem to mind despite knowing her history with Nick. But yet, for a while she couldn't help but feel a little empty while she was with Jack. Like something was missing.

"No, don't be sorry," Nick looked away so she wouldn't see the disappointment in his eyes. "You and Jack...you guys make a cute couple. It's fine, it's really fine." He turned back to her and gave the best smile he could. However, Judy could see that it wasn't fine, and it pained her to see that.

All she could utter was, "Thanks... thank you."

Eager to change the subject, Nick said happily, "So do you know if Daniel has visited me at all? I would love to see that little fella."

"Oh...right, you don't know what happened." Judy said.

His ears shot up and he immediately said, "Judy, what happened to him? Please. Tell me, what happened?"

* * *

Judy pushed his wheelchair down the hallway. Nick was nervous about what he was going to see. He refused to believe what Judy told him. He had to see it for himself.

He begged the reluctant Judy to call the nurse to remove his IV and let him visit Daniel. Despite some reluctance from the nurse as well, she finally agreed to let him see Daniel. He used the classic tactic of being a really shitty patient if he doesn't get what he wants. He threatened that if he doesn't see Daniel, the emotional distress will flare up his pain, causing him to scream and yell all night. The nurse had enough of those patients.

They reached his room and Judy knocked the door. They heard a "Come in," from Terry and they opened the door. Nick saw Daniel wearing a hospital gown and sitting on a wheelchair. Daniel had a blue cast covering his whole right leg that was supported by one of the steps of the wheelchair. Terry was standing by his side, looking distressed and keeping a watchful eye on him.

"Oh no…" Nick thought.

Daniel looked up, surprised and said happily, "Nick! You're awake! You're okay! I'm so glad!"

Nick thought Daniel looked different from last time he saw him. He was smiling, but he seemed to have lost some of his spirit. He noticed that Daniel's ears would droop very slightly at times just to perk back up. He realized what was happening, Daniel was hiding behind a smile.

Nick jokingly replied, "Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm pretty much ready for Halloween 4 months early, though I still need some bandages for my head. But that would require a bullet to the noggin and that's not on my to do list at the moment."

Daniel laughed, "Oh Nick, I'm so glad you're okay, I was really worried about you."

Nick gave a reassuring smile. He could see Daniel was masking a lot pain inside, and wondered if he might be the only mammal that Daniel will open up to right now.

Nick asked the other two, "Hey is it okay if you two let me talk to Daniel in private?"

Judy said, "Sure, no problem. Come on Terry," She grabbed his left arm, but he just looked at her at first. He was reluctant, the thought of leaving behind the love of his life, especially at this state, seemed unimaginable. But Daniel looked up at Terry and nodded to him. Terry eventually let go of his partner's wheelchair and left the room with Judy.

Nick asked, "Okay Daniel, how are you really feeling?"

"What? I'm fine Nick. I should be asking you how you feel!"

Nick could see that Daniel was putting even more effort to show that he was "happy." But all he had to do was look at his eyes to see the slowly growing wariness, despair, and fear. He's seen it all before in himself. And in his mom.

Nick thought about what Judy told him. Right after Nick was shot, Daniel shot the shooter right in the head. The shooter collapsed to the ground immediately. Despite hearing gunfire from the other assailants, Daniel didn't care. He immediately checked on Nick to see if he was okay, and saw that he was losing blood fast. He ripped off fabric from his own uniform to wrap it around where the gunshot wounds to prevent Nick from losing any more blood.

He grabbed his own radio and said, "Officer is down, officer is down. 10-52! 10-52!"

He then pressed his ear against Nick's chest. He wasn't breathing, so he performed CPR. While doing so, one of the assailants managed to sneak up on Daniel and shot him in the right thigh.

Fortunately, Judy, Jack, and the other squads arrived before the assailant could make the final shot. The assailants were surrounded, they had to surrender. It turned out they were a prey supremacist group and they hated the idea of a police squad with just foxes. They thought it was abomination and a disgrace to everything Zootopia symbolized for them. They managed to convince a disgruntled dispatcher to get in on the plan. The dispatcher claimed that they thought they were just going to do some protesting or pranks at Nick and Daniel, not actually try to kill them. Regardless, the dispatcher was removed from duty and will be on trial soon for possible charges for assisting two cases of attempted murder.

Daniel and Nick were rushed to the hospital. Nick went to full toxic shock, but thanks to Daniel's quick actions and perhaps Judy's presence, he bounced back and was expected to make a full recovery. Meanwhile, it was found that Daniel's right femur was shattered from the bullet. He was rushed to surgery and was in the operating room for 18 hours. The surgery was a success, but Daniel lost full control of his right leg. His doctor told him there was a chance, though not guaranteed, that he can regain control of his right leg through many months of physical therapy. Due to his injury, he couldn't be in active duty anymore and was relegated to desk duty indefinitely.

Nick then said, "Well, then let me just say this. Thank you Daniel. Thank you. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be alive today. But now please, let me help you. You don't have to hide behind that smile anymore. It's just me now.

Tears started to flow down Daniel's eyes as he broke down. He sputtered, "I just…I still feel like I have to be s-s-s-strong for Terry. Y-y-you saw him! You saw how worried and stressed out he was for me. But it takes so much willpower and strength just to put up his smile for him. And I'm just s-s-s-so tired. I just want to cry because I'm so s-s-s-scared. What if my right leg n-n-n-never heals? I won't be able to be a real c-c-c-cop then…" Daniel stopped talking and continued to sob.

Nick mustered all his strength and ignored his pain to get off his wheelchair and give Daniel a hug. He wanted to make sure Daniel knew he was here for him…while he still can. Because the whole time he has been in this room, he has been tormented by his inner voice. It repeated the same thing over and over again.

" _You did this. You did this. You did this. You did this."_


	12. Chapter 12

The rest of his days in the hospital mainly consisted of watching TV, regretting every action he made, going to physical therapy, being tortured by his inner voice, eating shitty hospital food, and watching Nestflix on his phone. It brought him back to his hustling days, when everything felt routine too. However, his mind wasn't as fucked up as before, and he couldn't rely on alcohol or sex for therapy. The only thing he could rely on was when he would get a fresh batch of pain medications. It would give him the same effect, but only for up to an hour, giving his mind the rest of the time to torture him.

" _You did this. You're a monster. You did this. You're just a shifty, conniving fox. You did this."_

That's what it would say to him. Over and over again. There was no wit, no playfulness. Just the cold, hard truths about himself. He believed it. These were facts. He is a monster. He is a shifty, conniving fox. He did this. Often times they would be accompanied by painful memories. Daniel crying. Darren's dead body.

He stopped seeing Daniel. He ignored his texts and calls. He even deleted him on Furbook. Like how Judy reminded him of his failure to change before, Daniel now did so. He hated that he wasn't strong enough to be there for Daniel. He promised to be there for him. But he couldn't, for his own sanity. He justified by thinking it was probably better for Daniel anyways. Daniel didn't need to see someone like him, he deserved someone better than him. Daniel would learn soon that he was just a sad, depressing, piece of shit. Then Daniel can move on, and he'll have a better life. He was sure it'll work out like that. His mind said it would.

His stay in the hospital wasn't all bad though, Judy still visited him whenever she could, which was pretty much almost every night. He always enjoyed her company. They would play cards, gossip about coworkers, or watch TV together. He always found her presence comforting, and it freed him from the darkness in his mind. She made the nights that he spent with her brighter than the days he spent alone. Whenever she couldn't come, she made sure to text him to keep him company. She always skirted the issue on why she couldn't come saying "I'm busy," or "I'm hanging out with some friends," but he knew it was because she was on a date with Jack. He knew she was trying to save him the heartbreak, but he wasn't dumb. Their pictures would show up on his feed in Furbook and Instagrr. He got used to the burning pang of jealousy and regret when he saw them together, sorta. Even so, he encouraged her to talk about her relationship with Jack. He would make fun of her pictures, and call them a "cute" couple. She especially did not like that part, but she couldn't do anything because he's injured. He did everything he could to act genuinely happy for them. He much rather have just a friendship with Judy than nothing at all. With a bunny like Jack, he believed Judy wouldn't want to be with a fox like him anyways.

During the last few days of his hospital stay, one thing that also started to bother Nick was his role as a police officer. The job put him in a position of power that he had never experienced before. It raised him up to be considered one of Zootopia's finest citizens, well somewhat. He would still occasionally get a shocked look or a suspicious look from other mammals, but other than that he was generally well-respected. When he first started, he thought he could use this opportunity to use it for good. But instead all he felt like he did was harm, especially to the fox community. He thought about all the young foxes he had to arrest. He remembered the angry words they spewed at him when he handcuffed them and drove them to the station. He couldn't count the number of times he was called a traitor. He may have inspired Daniel and his sisters, but he has betrayed many more foxes. An arrest for any fox sealed the deal for them. There was absolutely no chance for them to have a life outside of crime anymore. He's seen it while he was Mr. Big's protegè. Many foxes ended up serving Mr. Big or other crime lords like him because they had nowhere else to go. He was lucky, he always managed to escape arrest, so there was nothing on his records when they did a background check. If there was, he was sure he would not be in the ZPD.

" _Resign."_

"What?"

" _Resign."_

"Resign….," Nick thought. "That's it! I can resign! What a perfect idea!"

* * *

 

Dr. Ecua finished removing the dressing from his wounds. There were 2 gunshot wounds at his legs, one on the right and one on the left, one on his abdomen, and one of the chest. He also had one surgical scar across his chest and his abdomen. His fur will soon grow over and cover these scars, but Nick couldn't help but marvel how badass it made him look.

"Nick, it was a pleasure having you here. I wish I could say I hope to see you again but that would mean another traumatic incident on your life. So you just take care now okay?" Dr. Euca grinned.

"Sure, you too doc," Nick smiled back. The doctor left the room, giving him some privacy to change into his police uniform. Nick briefly thought about the praises the doctor gave him when he first woke up. He put them in the back of his mind, "The doctor doesn't even know me, I don't deserve his praise." Then he remembered what the doctor had said about Judy, and he felt a twinge of guilt about what he was soon going to do. Of course he kept this a secret from her. She would never understand. He shook his head, "No, I have to do this. I'm no asset to the ZPD anymore."

Judy picked him up from the hospital. Of course she was overjoyed to see him out of the hospital.

"How does it feel to finally be out?" Judy asked. "It'll be so nice to finally have you back in the ZPD!"

"Feels great Carrots. You know that hospital was really cramping my style you know, having to wear those gowns."

"Right yes, because your hideous green Hawaiian shirts that everyone hates are so much better."

"That just means that I'm a trendsetter Cottontail, just you wait, everyone will be wearing these shirts in the next year."

She rolled her eyes and smirked. She forgot how much she missed this. This felt just like when Nick and she would be in their cruiser together patrolling the streets. She's just now helping him get to work. Nick was going to be relegated to desk duty until he fully heals, then he will be on active duty without a partner until another becomes available. There was no reason for Nick to be her partner again, she and Jack had one of the most case closures in the precinct. She guessed it was only natural that they formed a relationship since they had such a great partnership. Yet, she couldn't help but wish that Nick and she would be partners again. She felt a second of apprehension, did she just choose Nick over Jack? She then chuckled in her head.

"That's preposterous. I'm in a committed relationship with Jack. Just because I want Nick as my partner, doesn't mean I want him as like a partner partner. Right?" she thought. She found that she couldn't answer her own question. But she knew either way that she would never ask for a reassignment. She wasn't going to pull a Nick Wilde.

She turned her head and looked at Nick, he was staring outside the window. She wondered what he was thinking about. She knew that the past month must've been tough for Nick. She knew that Nick must've felt some sort of survivor's guilt. Daniel ended up with injuries a lot more serious than Nick's, even though it was Nick that dove in front of him to save him. Who knows what would've happened if Nick hadn't done that, but she knew Nick could only see what was in front of him. And what he saw in front of him was Daniel confined to a wheelchair, preventing him from being in active duty, perhaps forever. She felt guilty herself that she probably only added to his pain when Jack dropped off her clothes for her. She wasn't planning on telling Nick about their relationship until probably a few days after he woke up. Few weeks tops. Though that didn't really matter anymore. All she could do as a friend was try to be there for him, to reassure him. She wasn't quite sure what to do, she never dealt with something like this. She had to try though.

Judy said, "Hey Nick, you know that you can trust me right?"

He looked at her, a bit confused, "Yeah, of course."

She started to shy away, "Just wanted to let you know, if...you ever needed to talk."

"Sure thing, Carrots." He then looked back out the window again.

"Well that was awkward," Judy thought. Though they were friends again, they still have a long way to go before being where they were at before.

* * *

 

When Judy and Nick entered the precinct, they saw Clawhauser point at Nick and yell, "Hey everyone, it's Nick!" All the officers in the atrium started cheering and clapping for him.

Judy stepped to the side and laid out her arms towards Nick's direction and yelled, "Officer Wilde, the hero who dove in front of impending bullets for his partner! Isn't he great!?" The other officers cheered and wooted in agreement.

She hoped this hero's welcome would cheer him up. Judy looked at Nick as his expression changed from shock to a sheepish smile. Nick loves to give the big talk and goes around with that arrogant grin, but she knows that he's secretly a really humble fox. He would never fully accept the title that he's a hero. Whenever they had a case together, he gives most of the credit to her.

Nick started waving his arms like a celebrity walking down the red carpet and shouted, "You're welcome, you're welcome! That is right, the Nick Wilde is back! Please please, no autographs right now, well maybe just one or two." The crowd laughed with him. Judy was glad that he seemed to be enjoying himself, like he was home.

Eventually the police officers at the atrium dispersed, especially when Chief Bogo yelled at them to go back to work. Nick sat in his office working on what seemed to be a never-ending stack of paperwork. He sighed. He was originally going to head to Chief Bogo's office right away to ask for a resignation, but after that hero's welcome, he had second thoughts. As much as he hated public displays of praise, that kind gesture warmed his heart. He felt like he was part of a family, something he hadn't felt for years. Was he willing to walk away from this?

" _Resign."_

"I... I don't know if I should," Nick told himself. "I think they see me more than just a shifty fox here, I'm actually being seen as a police officer. Not just a police officer, a respected one."

" _Resign."_

"But what if I'm not a monster, what if I actually am a hero? Well maybe not a hero, but you know what I mean!"

" _Resign!"_

The debate in his head went on for hours. Nick presented every argument he could think of against his inner voice. But it kept repeating that one word. _Resign._ Eventually Nick conceded.

"You're right, I didn't deserve that hero's welcome. I'm no hero. Especially not after Darren. Not after Daniel. And not after the rest of the foxes I put behind bars. I'm no hero."

He looked at his watch, 4:55 pm. Pretty much the end of the day. He looked at the stack of paperwork he was supposed to get done. It looked just as full as it was at the beginning of the day.

Nick shrugged, "Pretty sure no one is going to be surprised I still have a full stack, paperwork is just not my thing."

Nick headed up the stairs to Chief Bogo's office. It was a difficult trek for him. Nick was panting by the time he got up the stairs. After weeks of laying in bed for practically the whole day except for physical therapy, his body was not accustomed to even light exercise. Taking the stairs was basically a half-marathon for him. He winced in pain as his chest screamed from the deep breaths he was taken. He was still under a good amount of pain, even with pain medications.

"They really need to invest in some escalators or elevators," Nick thought.

He knocked on the door and heard a, "Come in," from the cove buffalo. He opened the door saw Chief Bogo sitting at his desk with perfect posture, arms crossed on his desk, and authority emanating from him.

Bogo set out his arm towards the chair in front of him, "Please, take a seat Wilde."

Nick sat down, giving him some much needed rest from his walk.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today? As you should know already, you'll be doing desk duty until we get clearance from the doctor that you can be on active duty again."

Nick's heart was pounding. What if he was wrong? What if this was just another stupid mistake he'll come to regret like he did when he asked for a reassignment? His mind reminded him of Daniel and he regained some of his resolve back.

"Chief, I would like to resign from my position as a police officer," he said a little too rapidly. He caught Bogo's eyes widen and brows raised in shock. He continued, "I first joined in order to make Zootopia a better place, but I don't think I can say with all honesty that I did." He paused again, to take the badge off his uniform. "I'm not worthy of a badge that has been on hundreds of brave and heroic men and women both in the past and now. I think it would be an insult to the ZPD if I continue to be here. Please, accept my resignation."

Nick places his badge and gun on the desk and starts to get off his chair.

Chief calmly but sternly said, "Stop, you're not going anywhere. I do not accept your resignation."

"Sir, I believe it's within my rights-"

"Quiet," the cove buffalo ordered.

Nick sat back down and kept his muzzle shut.

"Nick, it's completely normal to feel guilty about what happened to Daniel. He's your partner, of course you feel responsible for his well-being. As for Darren-"

Nick's ears shot up, he did expect him to talk about Daniel, but not Darren.

"-it's not your fault. Darren didn't die because of you, he died because of-"

Nick cut him off and shouted, "He died because I let him fall back to his criminal ways! He wouldn't have been in that alley if only I was able to show that I believed in him and give him hope like Judy did for me! I was a crappy mentor, he was doomed from the fucking start. And goddamnit, I was only 5 minutes away from where he was. 5 fucking minutes. I could've saved him if I was a better police officer. And Daniel, if only I was quicker, if only I paid more attention, if only I wasn't overconfident, I could've seen the shooter and stopped him before he tried to hurt Daniel. Or if I had taught him to be more aware of his surroundings during shootouts, or if I had figured out another way...He wouldn't be fucking stuck to a chair or crutches for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a police officer, and I took his dream and crushed it." He started to tear up and his voice started quiver, "I…I failed both of them."

He laid his head down to his paws. He was embarrassed by his outburst, utterly embarrassed. For years he knew how to keep up his sly, cool persona, and now he just lost his cool to his boss. To his fucking boss!

"What is wrong with me!?" Nick thought.

Chief Bogo said softly, "Nick."

Nick didn't respond.

He repeated but more sternly, "Nick."

Nick peeked up from his paws, expecting Bogo to be furious with him for his insubordination. He was surprised. He saw a sympathetic and worried look from Chief Bogo. He never thought he would see that. Especially since when he first met him, he saw Bogo as the bigoted, aggressive, and unjust cove buffalo who would never trust a fox or bunny. However, Nick now that he has seen this softer side to him, he finally understood why Bogo was the chief of this station. He knew how to demand excellence, but also nurture his officers. He was essentially all the police officers' father in this station. A scary father though.

"I've seen too many good cops like you go down this path. They hold themselves to this impossible expectation that they can save everyone, which is unfortunately unrealistic. They then let their guilt haunt them for the rest of their lives. A lot of them don't come back from that, and I'm not letting that happen to you. This precinct needs you, whether you believe it or not.

Nick's head was fully raised back up at this point. "Sir… I don't know what to say. I just...

Chief Bogo said, "Here's what I'll do. I'm going to put you on a 1 month of paid leave. You're pretty fucking useless anyways on desk duty and you obviously need time to heal. After a month, we'll see if you still want to be a part of the ZPD." He pushed the gun and badge back to Nick. "How does that sound?

A month paid leave? Nick would be crazy not to accept that, he could always just resign after he comes back from leave. "You got yourself a deal chief."

He left the office, feeling confused about this whole day. He thought about all the praises he received whether it be his doctor, his fellow officers, or even the chief. They all see him being something that he can't see for the life of him. He needed time to think clearly, which means no inner voice. His usual therapies were out of the question, so he wondered what he could do. He then remembered a place, a place that he so dearly loved. He called up a Zuuber, and headed there without a second thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So I will actually be posting the new chapter either tomorrow or Monday. Chapter 12 was originally supposed to be much longer but then I figured it would make much more sense to split it into 2 chapters. I'm actually almost done with Chapter 13, I just need to edit it. And be excited, it's a heavy one! Or at least I hope it'll be haha. I just also want to take the time to thank you guys for reading it, giving me kudos, bookmarking it, and posting comments. To be honest, I kinda felt a little discouraged this week about writing this, especially from reading the other Zootopia fanfictions that just seem so much more amazing. I'm always surprised that people want to read this haha. But just seeing you guys' support, I felt a bit more confident and pride in my own work. Of course that's not to say I'm a master writer, I definitely could improve in a lot of ways, but I'm giving the best I can and that's all I can do. See you next time!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is Chapter 13, what I kinda consider to be part 2 of Chapter 12. But woo 2 chapters in 2 days, sorta! Though unfortunately next chapter probably won't be out for a little while, probably until a little more than a week after. I have to deal with finals and grad school apps, ugh. Also just wanted to thank some of the commenters for being so encouraging after I opened up a bit about being discouraged while writing Chapter 12. That was really nice of you guys and it really brightened up my day. So thank you :)

It was the end of the day and Judy and Jack had just gotten back from patrol duty. They were by Clawhauser's desk and figured they could mess with him a bit.

"Oh, Jack, the way you apprehended that burglar, sent me shivers up my spine," Judy flirted just loud enough Clawhauser could hear.

"Hehehe, well maybe I can do something a little similar to you tonight." Jack insinuated with a wink. He then started bringing her into an embrace.

She giggled, "Jack! We're in public!"

Clawhauser looked visibly shaken by their interactions when he got a phone call. After the phone call, he shouted a bit too rushed, "The chief wants to see you Judy!" The sooner they stopped, the sooner he could imagine what he deemed to be the better couple.

Judy sighed, "This was fun, but duty calls."

Jack said, "How about a goodbye kiss?"

She grinned and gave him a peck in his snout.

Clawhauser seemed distraught at this point.

* * *

 

The door to Bogo's office peered open with Judy's head peeking through.

"Sir? You wanted to see me?" Judy asked.

She wondered what Chief Bogo could be calling her for. She doubted that she would be assigned a case at the end of the day.

"That's correct. Please, sit down Hopps," Chief Bogo greeted.

She hopped onto the chair and looked up to him.

"Hopps, describe to me your current relationship with Nick."

"Oh, um, Nick and I are just friends, sir. Nothing more. Nothing less." Judy wasn't sure how much Chief Bogo knew about their whole history. The less he knew, the better.

He leaned forward and peered into her eyes as if to see if she was lying.

When he saw nothing of suspicion, he then said, "Good, I need you to do something for me." He sighed. "Wilde just came in an hour ago asking for a resignation."

"He what!?" Judy roared with rage. Judy could feel her teeth clenching as she burned with a passionate anger.

"This is just like that fucking reassignment shit he pulled!" she angrily said.

She looked up at Chief Bogo's face. If he was surprised by her sudden outburst, he didn't look it. Perhaps they caused so much drama for him that an outburst didn't faze him at this point. She remembered that she was still talking to her boss and regained her composure.

"Sorry sir, I got a little carried away."

He waved his hoof as to reassure her, "Don't worry, he's not resigning. I put him on a month paid leave, which he can use to take some time to heal."

"Okay then." Judy was still fumed that Nick would ask for a resignation and behind her back again!

"I called you here because I want you to check on Nick regularly. You and I both know that Nick has been in a dark place for some time. I'm going to need your help to bring him out of it. You know him better than anyone in this precinct."

Her ears drooped a little, she didn't even consider that Nick's actions were again a result of his "brokenness." She still wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but she knew it's been hurting Nick for a long time. She didn't want a repeat of what happened many months ago. That was a terrible period for both Nick and her. However, she admitted to herself that perhaps she might not be the best mammal to help Nick with something like this. Sure, she studied how to read people at the academy, but to interrogate suspects, not to heal mammals. Plus, her attempt to reach out to Nick in the car was just awkward.

She replied, "With all due respect sir, I'm not sure if I'm the right mammal to help him with something like this.

Chief Bogo gave a sly grin and said, "I didn't realize that the bunny who had the guts to stand up to me is scared to essentially hang out with her best friend."

Her ears shot up, did...did Chief Bogo just mock her? "Excuse me?" Judy said.

"This is not the bunny I know. Where's the bunny who was willing to risk her own future in the ZPD to prove herself? I know she's in there somewhere."

Chief Bogo was right. Maybe she didn't have much expertise in this area, but she needed to at least try.

She looked at Chief Bogo straight in the eye, took a deep breath, and said with determination, "I'll do it."

* * *

 

She drove to Nick's place nervous about this special assignment Chief Bogo gave her. Yes, that pep talk in his office made her resolute in this task, but once she started thinking about it again, her confidence disappeared. Nick and she were friends again, but it was different. She felt there was this deep ravine between them that separated them from being friends to best friends. It was partly her fault. His "brokenness" was clearly something very personal to Nick and last time he opened up to her about it, she took it and spat it back at him. Of course she knew not to do that again, but what if she said something else that offended him or destroyed him? She was scared to take the risk.

"Nick's worth it though," Judy whispered to herself. "He's worth that risk."

She started thinking of the memories of their friendship that she kept close to her heart. What they did was nothing special. Some of them were just a movie night at his place or going on patrol with him. It was him that made it special. His laugh, his smile, his eyes, his warmth, his sarcasm, even his ugly shirts. She would do anything for him, even if it meant the possibility of losing it all again. Her nerves disappeared. She was determined again.

She showed up to the door of his apartment and knocked.

Judy shouted, "Nick? Nick? Are you there! It's me Judy!"

No response.

Her voice raised, "Nick, you don't need to be scared of me! I'm not angry! I just want to talk!"

No response.

Her voice raised some more, to the point of fury and pounded on the door, "Goddamnit Nick, open this fucking door or else I'm going to break it down and drag you out!"

She heard a neighbor shout, "Hey lady! Maybe there's a fucking chance he's not home and perhaps there's a bigger fucking chance some of us are trying to sleep! Not all of us are diurnal!"

Her ears turned red and she shouted, "Sorry!" She sighed and slumped down by his door.

"Where am I going to find Nick?" she thought in despair. She looked down at her police uniform. "Wait, I just need to think like a cop! Duh!" She listed all of the Nick's favorite places that goes to when he's feeling down and heads out. She was going to find him for sure.

* * *

 

Nick sat against the edge of the bridge, gazing out to the dry riverbed. He forgot how much he loved this place. This place was special to him, it held a lot of memories for him. His inner voice couldn't bother him here. It was also the same bridge where Judy found him sitting on a lawn chair. After the press conference, he came here every day after a con with Finnick. He would sit at his lawn chair and hold her carrot pen for hours, just wondering how she could do this to him. She hustled him. She tricked him into believing that he was more than just a shifty fox. He was stupid to trust her. The betrayal he felt from the things she said in the press conference. From the fact that she still brought her fox repellent even after solving the case together. From the way she reached for the fox repellant without hesitation. He hoped she was different, but she was just like everyone else. Yet, despite all the evidence, he refused to believe all of that. He didn't want to. It just didn't make sense. It wasn't until he started looking at things through her eyes that perhaps this was all just a misunderstanding. Perhaps coming from a more conservative, rural area, she subconsciously believed the stereotypes of a fox. Perhaps she was just nervous at the press conference. She was a dumb bunny after all. He started to forgive her little by little until the day she found him. By the time she apologized, he felt all the anger towards her melted away, and opened his heart to her again.

"Thought I'd find you here," a familiar voice said.

Shocked that someone would find him here, Nick quickly turned around and saw Judy smiling, her fists on her hips.

He smiled, "Didn't realize I had such a clever stalker. How many places did you have to go to before you came here?"

"Nick, what are you talking about? This is the first place I went to!"

He gave her a skeptical look, "Juuuuudy?"

"Fine, I went to your apartment, your favorite donut place, your favorite pastry place, all around the park, and then here. Happy now?"

He chuckled, "Well you know me so well." He looked towards the field nearby, "Did I ever tell you the significance of this place?"

She stood next to him and looked to the field. "No...honestly I thought this was just a random place where you bum around."

"You never wondered why I chose this place to bum around?"

"I did wonder but, you know the Nighthowler case seemed to be a much higher priority for me at the time."

"Well, someday I'll tell you. I think I just want to this place to belong to me for a little longer,"

From a distance, he saw a fox family, a fox cub was running around the nearby grassy area chasing butterflies while his parents looked on with their arms around each other. They faded away after a few seconds.

"It was a happier time…" he thought.

She said, "Okay then, um well I found out that you wanted to resign from the ZPD today."

His eyes widened and he instinctively made a guarded pose. Before he said anything, she said, "Don't worry I'm not mad at you. I resigned before, remember?"

He laughed nervously, "Oh right, hahahaha…."

She said softly, "Yeah, I learned my lesson from last time. Can I just ask you a question then?"

"Shoot."

"Can you describe me what happens in your mind, when you feel… broken?"

Nick gave her a surprised look, "That's a pretty heavy topic to talk about."

Judy replied, "I just….I don't know. She said quietly, "I just want to be able to help."

Nick turned back to her and saw her glistening amethyst eyes. His heart fluttered. He had to tell her.

"Dammit, how, how did this bunny manage to break down every single wall he put up?" he thought.

He sighed and said, "There are days where I feel perfectly fine, and then there are days I feel like shit. Well no, not shit, more like numb. I kinda just let each day pass by. It feels all the same. It's just a matter of making it to the next day, but I often wonder why continue. Why…. continue existing if everyday is just going to be the same like this. There's no joy to living, it feels like a heavy burden. Sometimes, my heart just feels empty and I can feel it yearning for more. But nothing can fulfill what it needs. I end up feeling depressed for hours and wonder if it's better if I just never…existed. There's no way around it when I feel these….emotions? Feelings? I don't even know what to call them. Anyways, I just have to wait for them to pass."

He paused and looked at Judy. He saw that her nose was twitching violently, she was trying to contain her tears.

She wanted to look strong for Nick, but it was breaking her heart to see how much he was struggling to describe his pain.

"However, sometimes it gets even worse. My mind betrays me often and it seems like it lives just to make me miserable. It feels like there's another being inside that just loves to remind me of everything I hate about myself. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish my thoughts from its thoughts. Though I guess that doesn't make sense because they're both my thoughts huh. I would also be haunted by certain memories that also remind me why I hate myself. Sometimes it's enough where I would get a panic attack. You know what a panic attack feels like? I feel like I'm being strangled while having chest pain. The only way I know how to get out of it is to lie in fetal position and start counting down from 100. If that doesn't work, try again.

Judy put a paw over her mouth in shock as tears streamed down her face. She never knew. She absolutely never knew that it was this bad.

His voice raised as he started to rant, "On top of all of that, I have to hide all these feelings because I look like a fucking crazy mammal if I show how I'm feeling all the time. Do you know how fucking hard it is to hide all of this? For the whole day? Constantly worried that I'm just going to freak out?

He started panting and dropped down to his knees, he was exhausted. He said quietly, "It's...it's….scary. I feel like I'm losing myself completely someday. I'm… I'm just so tired right now."

He felt her arms wrap around his body. Her arms were so comforting, so warm. He felt that as long he was in her arms, everything will be fine. He returned the hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you have to go through this." Judy said. "But know this, you're so much stronger than you think you are. To be able to go through that everyday, you're even stronger than me."

Nick started to tear up, "No, Judy. Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You're the stronger one. You showed this whole city that bunnies are capable of doing what every other mammal can do if not more. I think that's real strength. I'm just... a poor excuse for a mammal.

"No you're not Nick. You're not a failure. And you're not crazy. You're the strongest mammal I have ever met and you have one of the biggest hearts I know. Maybe you just need a little help seeing that and I can be that help. You're my best friend and I'll always be here for you. Don't you forget that."

A tear streamed down his face, "Thank you….you don't know how much that means to me. Just to say that you'll be here for me. And to say that you don't think I'm crazy. Thank you."

He paused and then said, "Please don't let go Judy."

"I won't."

They held onto each other for who knows how long. Time didn't seem to matter. It was all about living in this one moment, fully being in each other's presence. Their souls felt complete and their hearts felt full. They knew they needed each other, cared for each other, loved each other. But alas, while their hearts and souls screamed for more, they each had something holding them back, and thus cannot be one for now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey everyone! Aaaaagh I finally managed to finished this chapter! I just finished my finals, but I still have tons of work to do for grad school apps. But I couldn't leave you guys hanging so I worked my butt off to get this chapter out! Chapter 15 might take a while to come out too since grad school apps and I'm also going on vacation during Memorial Day weekend. I would say ETA would be about a week? Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Nick laid down on the grassy field by the bridge, basking under the warm sun and staring at the clouds lazily pass by. He sighed, all the clouds reminded him of Judy. There was one shaped like a bunny, one shaped like a carrot, and one shaped like a heart. It's been two weeks since Nick got that month paid leave, but more importantly, two weeks since that moment. He cringed as he thought about how he broke down trying to explain the inner turmoil that occurs in his mind daily. It wasn't just embarrassing. It was fucking scary. He always thought letting someone know what exactly occurred in his mind would make them think that he was some freak, psycho, or at the very least a crybaby. It was one of the reasons he had that cool, wise-cracking, and sly fox persona in the first place. It served as a barrier to prevent anyone from finding out. However, even when he let down his guard that evening, it didn't push her away. It brought her closer. She opened up her arms and accepted him and his struggles. Words couldn't describe the amount of relief, gratitude, and love he had for Judy in that moment. He poured out his heart to her, and she received. And in return, she poured out her heart, and he received. And in that very moment of time, he felt they were one body and one soul. When they finally let go of each other, he wasn't sure, but he saw in her eyes that she felt the same way.

He grabbed his journal by his side and started writing. He started making it a habit to write out his thoughts, or what he liked to call it his stream of consciousness. Judy gave the journal to him the day after their moment.

* * *

 

On that night, she came in to his place holding a stack of books that hid the entire upper side of her body.

He smirked and asked, "What you got there Carrots?

She placed the books onto his bed, "Oh just some light reading about therapy, mental disorders, and psychoanalysis."

Amused by her dedication, he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, "So what, you think you're an expert?"

"Well, probably more of an expert than you. Oh right, here's another thing." Judy said. She threw the journal at his face, which landed onto his arms.

"Ow!" Nick yelped.

"I also got you a journal so you can write out any thoughts you have! I heard that helps too."

He sat down next the books and threw the journal next to him, "Gee, sounds like a lot of work for a lazy fox like me."

"Come on Nick! We gotta work hard to beat this thing! I bet we can beat this thing in a week if we really work at it!"

Her naive optimism irritated him a little, she didn't fully understand that he has been fighting this for the majority of his life. He couldn't blame her though. She was a bunny cop with great impatience and great drive. She approached this like a case, which worked well for her many times. He just hoped that she wouldn't be disappointed when she realizes it may take a lot longer than she thought to "solve this case."

She started coming over every other day, the other days she reserved for Jack. Nick went along with what she had planned so she would feel like she's making progress. Unfortunately that meant doing a bunch of things he found annoying or pointless. He didn't care for meditation. By closing off the usual distractions in his life, it just gave him a time for him to be haunted by the failures in his past. Yoga caused him to lose his balance and fall many times, which just flared up his pain from the gunshot wounds. Also, the green juice-making sessions were just outright disgusting. Yet he didn't have the heart to tell her he hated doing all those things. Perhaps it was because doing those things were actually not so bad if it meant more time with her.

The times he cherished the most with her however were after all those depression-fighting sessions when they would just relax at his place. They would watch TV, cook together, play cards, gossip, or just talk. Just being with her distracted him from all the craziness that's been happening outside and inside his mind lately. The joy and boldness that exudes from her body were contagious, and it allowed him to be his happy self.

Nick noticed something interesting on the fifth day after their moment. It was a complete accident. He was passing by her to grab some water in the kitchen when his tail brushed against her face. He turned back to apologize when he saw her cheeks turn crimson red. She gently touched her cheeks as she seemed surprised herself.

She quickly turned around and stammered, "W-w-weren't you getting water or something?!"

He was amused by how flustered she was by a simple brush of his tail. Perhaps she still had some feelings for him. He entertained the thought of pursuing it, but he quickly shot it down. He never wanted to break up the relationship between Jack and Judy. He still believed they would always be the superior couple. However, that didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun. He'll stop if Judy told him to.

Judy never told him to. For the next few days, whenever she came over, Nick would make sure to act in a way that was guaranteed to create that same reaction. That included brushing his tail against her legs, standing or sitting a little too close to her liking, and lying his head on her lap. With each action, her cheeks would turn crimson red and she would find it hard to speak again. But she would never protest. He was glad. These were kind of casual touches that he would do whenever he imagined them as a couple. It was nice to have just a little part of his fantasy become reality even though none of this would ever happen. Eventually he attempted even bolder actions, like putting his arm around her when they're watching TV or scratching the back of her head between her ears. To his surprise, that's when she started returning the favor. She would rest her head on his side, hug his tail, or rub his belly. The belly-rubbing was his favorite. It was strange, and morally gray at best, what was happening between them. He didn't mean for it to get this far. But this was the happiest he felt and by extension could also be helping his mental health. He should've realized that mental health wasn't always that simple.

Nick was sitting on his bed against the wall just looking through his Instagrr feed. He saw that one of his friends spammed his followers with 10 selfies in the row. He shook his head in disappointment, some mammals really need to learn their Instagrr etiquette. Only celebrities like Justin Beaver were allowed to do that. Just when he was about to comment on his friend's picture, his mind decided to betray him. He warped back to a time of a great pain. He found himself in the living room at his old home, where he and his mother used to live, after his dad left. There wasn't much in the living room, just a two seater couch, a 15 inch TV, and a small coffee table. They couldn't afford much more. There was pure darkness that surrounded him. Even with his night vision he couldn't see through them. He turned around and he found he wasn't alone. There was his mom. Lying on the floor on a pool of blood. A handgun by her right paw, and a bullet hole in her head. She was wearing makeup and her best evening gown, she wanted to go out with some dignity. He saw that her eyes were open, seemingly stuck in time, as they showed the feeling of pure hopelessness and despair right before her suicide. Nick's body started to shake and he got down to his knees. He covered his face with his paws and just kept whispering, "This isn't real. This isn't real. I'm at home in my apartment. This isn't real. This isn't real."

"How could you do this to me?"

He looked up and saw his mom, towering over him, with her eyes filled with hatred.

She snarled, "How could you treat me like this? Your own mother."

"I….I….I…."

"You made me do this. You were a terrible son. You caused so much pain. You abandoned me. You hated me. A mother could only withstand so much. You made me kill myself. What kind of poor excuse of a son are you?"

"I'm sorry mother!" he sputtered out. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, please."

"If only you said that earlier, before I shot myself. Now I live in hell for an eternity with the shame of killing myself because I had a son like you. It was worth it though. I couldn't stand being alive knowing that you were my son."

His mind started racing at a million miles per hour, and his chest started feeling tight. He clutched his chest as he couldn't breathe and started to hyperventilate. His mother kept yelling at him until he suddenly heard a familiar voice,

"Nick? Nick? Nick? I'm here Nick. Don't you worry, everything will be okay."

He covered his eyes as a white blinding light shined through the darkness. He put his paw down and saw his mother was gone. He was back in his apartment. He felt a paw on his left shoulder and looked to his left. It was Judy. She looked at him with pleading eyes, like she was begging him to be okay.

"This girl...how does she do it?" Nick wondered in amazement. He felt her remove her paw from his shoulder to grab one of his paws tightly. That squeeze in his paw helped him remember that she was by his side. She wasn't going anywhere. She's here. For him. He put his arm around her and brought her closer to him. He whispered, "Thank you," and tenderly kissed her in the head between her ears. He then rested his muzzle on top of her head. He felt her shift her weight so she could wrap her arms around his body and rest her head against his chest.

* * *

 

He finished his last thought and closed the journal. He finished writing everything that occurred during the panic attack. He shuddered. Writing it down reminded him how scary his mind could betray him. However, he also realized something else. Writing it down made things much more concrete for him. This mental illness wasn't this abstract idea that he brought up to be some godlike force that was bent on destroying him. It was just his mind that was perhaps rewired strangely after some traumatic events in his life. To him that meant with some work, perhaps he could rewire it back to a time when he was happy. Maybe there is reason for hope. His ears drooped again. Who was he kidding, yes writing out his thoughts helped him with that epiphany, but it's still such a strong presence in his mind. How could he fight against that?

He threw his journal away in frustration and looked forward. He saw a bed of wildflowers and was brought back to a different memory. When his family and he used to come here, his mom would pick flowers and make flower crowns for all of them. As a kid, he would be amazed by her talent to create art from any material she randomly found. He would just sit and watch as she delicately crafted each crown. When she thought she might be done, she placed a crown on a rock to carefully inspect it. She always had this pose where she clench her paws into fists and make a V-shape to place her head on top. Her face would scrunch into a focused look, and it wasn't rare to see her tongue stick out subconsciously. Once she smiled and nodded, that's when Nick knew she was done.

He smiled but could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He hadn't had a memory about his mother for a long time that wasn't her suicide. He missed her. Channeling her artistic energy, he walked over to the bed of flowers and started picking some of the prettier ones. He was definitely rusty, his hands didn't have that delicate and subtle touch needed to make the perfect flower crown. Once he felt like he did the best he could, he set it on a tree stump and gave it a good look. He gave it a solid okay, not nearly as good as his mom's, but it was acceptable. With some work it could probably be Instagrr-worthy.

Suddenly it hit him. He was able to create something, and not fail. He was not the complete failure that he usually thought he was. And just like that he was able to chip away some of the darkness that plagued his mind. He smiled. Perhaps he really was getting better.

"Thanks mom," he whispered.

* * *

 

Judy and Jack were on patrol duty, parked at one of the busiest market streets in Sahara Square. There were blocks of street vendors trying to sell their latest wares ranging from fruits to jewels to celebrity memoirs. It was always a bit funny to Judy how just a simple presence of a patrol car could deter thievery by a significant amount. Being on patrol was by far not one of her favorite duties, but she recognized the importance of it. She rather be in less action if it meant safer streets. Besides, it usually wasn't too bad since she has Jack, who's always preoccupied what would be a dull time with good conversations and kisses. Today, however, she had a lot in her mind to get her through patrol duty.

"Is there something wrong? You've been awfully quiet today," Jack asked.

"Oh I was just thinking about that case, I just wonder what we're missing." Judy replied.

"Don't worry Jude, we'll figure it out soon. Maybe we just need a break from it and then we can attack it with a fresh mind."

"Yeah... you're right."

Jack kissed her on the cheek, and faced back ahead to keep watch of any suspicious activity.

Judy rubbed her cheek sheepishly and said to herself, "He really is sweet to me." She tried focusing on patrol, but after 5 minutes she found herself thinking about the case again. They were previously assigned a special case regarding a burglary of Bank of Zootopia. It seemed to be like any other bank robbery: weasel comes in, robs the bank, then escapes in a getaway car. However, when Jack and she reviewed all the traffic cameras, they saw that the getaway car just disappeared. Not able to do much with the scant information they had, they were relegated to patrol duty until they could make some progress in the case. Not being used to failure, she couldn't help but keep thinking about how they could approach it differently, what they missed, etc.

"Attack it with a fresh mind," Jack said in her head.

"Wait! Maybe I can ask Nick about the case!" Judy thought. "He would be a fresh mind to the case and with his experience with crime, he can definitely offer some helpful advice!" She could barely contain her giddiness about the possibility of a breakthrough for her case. Her mind then transitioned the past two weeks with Nick.

"Oh great, now my mind is on Nick instead of the case, I guess I'm never going to focus on patrol," she thought.

She quietly sighed. She hoped she was truly helping Nick. She figured out quickly that her original methods, like yoga and meditation, were not helping him much. In fact, she could tell that he sorta hated it. However, she never stopped carrying out those sessions because it was amusing to watch Nick trying to feign inner peace as he struggles to do a yoga pose or gag as he downs his green juice.

"It's called a hustle, sweetheart," she thought.

What she also figured out was he was the happiest when they were just hanging out together after those sessions. Who knew that just gossiping with him or watching TV with him was enough. That's why she came over at a consistent schedule, she didn't want him to ever experience the level of sadness he had when he broke down two weeks ago. Her heart absolutely broke when she witnessed it happening. He seemed to be so dejected, so helpless. She couldn't let this happen any further. She did the only thing that she could think of at the time, hugging. With her hug, she wanted him to know that every little molecule of her body was telling every molecule of his body that she was here for him. Then it happened. She felt this connection to Nick that she never felt before. She could feel her heart screaming out to Nick and his heart to her. Only time she felt that way was….their first kiss.

She wasn't sure how, but she felt Nick also knew that things were different between them after that moment. Nick started acting more intimate with her. Three days afterwards, he brushed his tail against her face. No, more like his tail gently caressed her face. She was humiliated and quickly turned away, How could he do that to her, giving her such a tease. He knows that she has a boyfriend! She deduced there was a possibility he was just messing with her or maybe he was attracted to her, or both. She knew that she should've put a stop to it too. Jack would not be happy about this. He already had some qualms about her spending so much time with Nick. Yet, she didn't tell him to stop. Because she liked it. A lot. His scent, the feel of his fur, his warmth, everything. He was irresistible. Eventually, he did it so frequently, she figured it wouldn't hurt but to respond back by touching him too. If he was attracted to her, he would enjoy it. If he was messing with her, then she can mess with him back. Plus, she noticed that he seemed even happier when they were….interacting like this with each other. She justified this by telling herself that she was doing what was best for his mental health. And if she was attracted to him, this was just a good way to just let it out in a healthy manner that would most certainly not be cheating on Jack.

But then there was last night. She saw Nick sitting against the wall on his bed, with his arms holding on to his knees and his head down on his knees. He was shaking and muttering unintelligible words to himself. Her heart sank. Guilt and frustration filled her heart. She felt like a dumb bunny, thinking she could heal him in a week. Yet, here he is two weeks later, suffering from a panic attack. A bad one too, she wasn't even sure if he was aware she was here.

"God how could I have been so naïve," she thought sadly.

She heard Nick let out a yelp tinged with regret and sadness.

This was no time for beating herself up, she needed to help. She did what her instincts told her and she went on his bed and placed a comforting paw on his shoulder. He raised his head and looked at her. She didn't just see his bloodshot, puffy eyes, she saw shame, fear, and guilt. She grabbed his hand and held it tightly and whispered, "I'm here…I'm here...it's okay...everything's okay." He stared intensely at her as if she was the light at the end of the tunnel. Judy felt a sigh of relief as his breathing became more regular and controlled. Nick then let go of Judy's hand and used that newly free arm to wrap it around Judy's shoulder and drew her closer to him. He whispered, "Thank you," and kissed her on the head between her ears. He then rested his muzzle on that very spot and laid there.

Her heart was now fluttering like a butterfly. She missed this feeling, like she was the luckiest bunny in the world. Lucky to be treated with such love and affection. She then shifted her weight to hug him around his torso and buried her head against his chest. She's known how much Nick needed her. What she just realized was how much she needed him as well.

"Babe? What are you thinking about?" Jack asked.

Judy quickly sat up and looked to the front.

"Oh...just how I'm the luckiest bunny in the world to be with someone like you." Judy lied.

* * *

 

Nick and Judy were seated on his bed various reports and notes scattered around his bed and a laptop by their side. He just finished watching all the available surveillance videos of the robbery and escape and was now looking through the notes.

"What do you think Nick?" Judy asked.

His mind was carefully taking in all the details and then it clicked, he knew how the weasel escaped. He smiled.

"Judy, look at the Camera 68 and then 69."

She grabbed her laptop and watched the footage. Camera 68 showed the getaway car driving behind an 18-wheeler truck with a Gary's Groceries label on an empty freeway while on Camera 69 just showed the truck driving.

Judy has probably seen this footage over 100 times. A little irritated, she said, "What's your point Nick?"

"Well here's a little Zootopian history lesson for you, ready for class?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes. With fake giddiness she said, "Ready teacher! Oh so sorry I didn't get you an apple earlier, I'll be sure to get you one tomorrow!"

He wagged his finger, "Now Judy, no one likes a teacher's pet! Besides I like blueberries, which makes you a pretty crappy teacher's pet. Even worse! You get an F."

She gasped, "What? But I've never gotten an F before!" She placed her paw on her forehead as if she was about to faint, "Oh woe is me!"

"But maybe if you pay attention to this lesson, I can give you a…...C-?"

"Gee Mr. Wilde, that would be all kinds of generous from you!"

They both chuckled and then he began, "Well 15 years ago, Zootopia implemented this surveillance system about as part of the initiative to lower crime in Zootopia. It worked for the most part, a lot more criminals were caught for their crimes. Eventually one gang managed to find out a flaw in this surveillance system. You see, there's at least a 5 mile gap between the range of view of Camera 68 and 69, probably because the city was trying to save money in their budget. And they figured, 5 miles isn't too bad, and who's going to find out about it? Well Gary's mob found out, and they have been able to take advantage of that for the past eight years."

"Wait….the truck, that's big enough to fit a car inside."

"Bingo! This is one of their classic tricks!"

"So all we gotta do is follow where the truck went, and we can find the culprit!"

Judy started bouncing up and down on his bed with joy. She didn't realize nor care how strong of an impact each jump was making as Nick's body was unwillingly being bounced along and all the papers started getting scattered around his apartment. It was her moment.

Despite all the pain being flared up from being unwillingly bounced up and down, he didn't care. He made her happy, and that's all that mattered to him now. All they did was make a step closer in a case, but she had so much hope that they were gonna catch their crook. He felt that she was lighting up the room with her enthusiasm, passion, and joy. He loved her.

He let out an oomph when Judy landed on his stomach and bounced off right next to him. His stomach hurt, but like before, he didn't care. Her happiness was contagious. They laid flat on their backs and laughed. They rolled on their sides and looked at each other smiling. Their faces were inches from each other.

Judy said, "Oh Nick, what would I do without you? You basically solved this whole case for me!"

"Ahhhh you did all the work, I just gave you a history lesson."

"Stop it Nick! You did more than you know!"

He smiled, "Well I guess I deserve all the credit, if you insist."

"Hey!" She punched him in the arm. They laughed again. As they stopped they started gazing into each other's eyes.

She was the one. It didn't matter that she wasn't a vixen. No vixen has ever changed him for the better like she has. She was the one.

"Do it," his heart told him. "Do it."

He caressed her cheek with his paw. She gave a surprised look but then relaxed. He could've sworn her eyes telling him to do it.

"Do it," his heart screamed.

He leaned forward and kissed her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Woo finally got out Chapter 15! So here's some updates. First of all, because grad school apps are taking over my life, I think I can only do one chapter a weekish instead of 2 chapters per week like I did before. I'm really sorry but I just don't have enough time to produce 2 chapters per week while maintaining that same quality of work. Secondly, I believe there should be about 4 more chapters left of this story. Yup, this story is coming to an end soon (finally! am i right? hahahhahahahaha...), but don't worry! Because I have also been slowly but surely writing two other Zootopia fanfics. One will be one-off which I won't reveal what it's about. The other one will be a Zystopia AU. I think the one-off should be out within a few weeks, but the Zystopia AU won't be out for a while. Be sure to subscribe to me if you want to be notified of my future stories! Oh and once again, thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments! They always bring a smile to my face whenever I get one. Anyways, I kept you long enough. Here's the story!

She spedwalk back to her car sniffling and whimpering. She didn't like being outside this late at night. The cold air added to the chills running down her spine. The subtle sounds from her crying seemed to pierce through the dead quiet of the neighborhood. Her lack of night vision made her feel like an easy target for many nocturnal criminals in Zootopia. She had no doubt she could easily defend herself from her training as a cop. Even so, the darkness and mystery of nighttime brings up her rabbit instinct to cower and run.

She sighed in relief once she reached her car. She's quickly hopped in and locked the car. She was safe. She could finally focus on what was on her mind. That kiss. All she wanted to do was forget what happened, but she couldn't. And she hated Nick for that.

"Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to make me a cheater!? What we had before was perfectly fine!" she thought. "Sure yes we did some flirting and touching, but he went too far this time! He knows I'm dating Jack! Jack! The love of my life! I…I think…Gah!"

She slammed her head against her steering wheel, punched the roof of her car, and let out a roar that a tiger would be proud of.

"Why does he do this to me? Why does he make me feel loved, safe, and giddy! I don't understand! He's lazy, he's annoying, he's dumb!" Judy yelled.

But as she continued to list out his flaws, they started to matter less to her.

"He's also clever, funny, creative, passionate, and actually a huge softie. He's….he's perfect... even with all his flaws, he's still perfect."

Her anger subsided and only her guilt remained. She felt she had a lot of feel guilty for. She cheated on Jack. She rejected Nick. She just tried to place all the blame on Nick. She knew she was equally responsible for cheating on Jack. She shook her head in disappointment as tears started to form under her eyes.

"Goddamn, I'm a piece of shit," she thought.

She cried some more in her car, feeling completely overwhelmed. Her heart was supposed to belong to Jack, but….that didn't seem to be the case. She wasn't sure and she hated herself for that. She was supposed to be sure on Jack. That's one of the simple tenets of being a girlfriend. Yet she can't do it!

After some thought, she convinced herself that maybe if she spent the night with Jack, she could lessen some of the guilt she had. She was going to really focus on falling in love with Jack, she was determined. She also wasn't going to tell Jack about anything that happened this evening. There was no need for him to know.

She texted Jack, "Hey can I come over? I'm feeling pretty down right now :("

In an instant, Jack texted back, "Of course babe." He ended the texts with several of the creepy moon and sun emojis that Judy loves/hates.

She chuckled and texted back, "Thanks Jackie 3, I'll be there in 10."

She smiled sadly as she turned on the ignition. Looking back at her memories of Jack, he was by all definition a good boyfriend. She remembered their day at the county fair, ice skating at Tundratown, their fancy dinners together, their walks down the park, their movies nights, there were too many to count. Each one of those dates, he acted like the perfect gentleman, the best friend, and the amazing lover. There was also definitely an attraction. She liked his petite but burly body, his unruffled gray fur, and his piercing black eyes. He was by any rabbit's standard, sexy. There was nothing wrong with his personality either. She thought he was sweet, kind, cool, and generous. He was basically perfect boyfriend material. Why does her heart want Nick though?

And like she was brought back to her kiss with Nick this evening.

* * *

 

They were lying down on his bed together after making a huge breakthrough in her case. She was euphoric, not only was she excited to catch the culprit, but it felt awesome to be able to solve it with Nick. It felt like old times. Yet it was nothing compared to the adrenaline rush from gazing into Nick's eyes. His big, beautiful green eyes that reminded her of emeralds. When he caressed her cheek, it caught her by surprise. It was so intimate to her. She felt electricity running down her cheek with his touch. She craved more of it and rubbed her cheek against his paw. Then he introduced a different kind of touch. His muzzle pressing softly against her mouth. Their second kiss. Just as perfect as their first one. Just as right as the first one. Just as beautiful as the first one. It was a masterpiece and she wasn't going to let this stop anytime soon. She grabbed his head and brought him in even closer. He made an mmph noise. She could tell he wasn't expecting that, but he quickly came to and wrapped his arms around her waist. What was supposed to be a peck had become a full out make out session. This kiss was harder, more intense, and had tongue. A lot of it.

"This is happening, this is actually happening!" she thought excitedly. "Me and Nick!" Jack then appeared in her mind.

"Oh god no, this is happening," she thought. Immediately, she pulled herself away from the kiss. She saw a face of slight disappointment and confusion, but yearning. He wanted more. She did too, but this wasn't right.

They were both breathing heavily, worn out from their session. However, she didn't have time for a breather. All she could think about doing was getting the fuck out.

She breathlessly said, "Sorry I have to get going."

She started picking up the papers that she scattered around during her bed-jumping session.

"Damn it, why did I jump on his bed? This would've been so much easier to leave if I hadn't," Judy thought.

Nick rubbed the back of his head and said with a tone reflecting the awkwardness of the situation, "So….that was fu-"

Judy interrupted, "Fun? This was a mistake. A huge mistake. I'm with Jack, Nick."

At the corner of her eye, she saw his ears drew back. She knew that must've stung, hearing her choose Jack over him. She finished grabbing all her stuff and started to head out the door when Nick grabbed her shoulder.

"Wait, don't go. Please, let's just talk," Nick said quietly. She turned around and looked at those green eyes. It looked the same as when Nick first saw Jack kiss her after he woke up in the hospital.

He continued to talk, his tone becoming more pleading. "I need you Judy, and I know you need me. That kiss...that kiss is all the evidence we need to know we're supposed to be together, not Jack and you. You know it's true, so please, stay here. Don't...don't go back to him."

Her mind was in shambles. She was still running on the adrenaline of that perfect kiss. She wanted to stay, she really did. But her moral compass told her she just violated a commitment she made to another rabbit.

She turned back to the door and all she could muster to say was, "Nick please, don't do this. You...you don't know what you're talking about."

NIck got down on one knee and clasped his paws together. He said, "Judy, you've changed me for the better in so many ways. You gave me a chance to escape the life of crime, you got me to open my heart again, you reminded me to keep fighting the darkness in my mind. I wouldn't be where I am now without you. As fucking cheesy as it sounds...you're my everything.. I…I love you."

He said it, he said the L word. My god he said the L word. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to go before she would burst into tears.

She opened the door and said, "Nick, I'm sorry." She closed the door and didn't look back.

* * *

 

A shot of pain ran through her body as she finished that memory. How is it possible that she managed to hurt her best friend so often. She never had a friendship this difficult, this complicated. She missed the friendships back in the day where they would fight over who got to sit where in the lunch table, and then make up right after. But this wasn't a normal friendship by any means. Just the fact that it's between a fox and a bunny made it unusual. But that wasn't the only thing about it. For some reason, this friendship has evolved into something more. A mutual attraction? No, it wasn't just that. They cared for each other too deeply for it just to be an attraction. It was…it was... the L word.

She sighed. She couldn't bring herself to say the L-word yet. Despite all the seemingly clear evidence that she is in lo-...cares about Nick a lot, her heart still had some ties to Jack. She needed to stay with Jack and see if she can fall in love with him.

* * *

 

She was outside his door and took a deep breath. She knocks and then grabs the spare key he gave her and turned the lock. It's her way of letting Jack know that it's her and not some strange mammal breaking into his apartment with his key. Being a cop does that to you. She sees him relaxing as his couch. Before he gets a chance to greet her, she drops her bag and rushes over to kiss him. She gave him one of the most passionate kisses she has ever given Jack. She wanted to go even further than she did with Nick. Maybe if she did, then it'll help her get over his attraction to Nick. However, before she knew it, Jack ended the kiss by pulling himself away from her. It didn't matter, she already knew the answer. This kiss felt like nothing compared to her kiss with Nick.

"You've been cheating on me with Nick haven't you?" Jack asked.

Her ears shot up, her mouth agape.

"He knows?" Judy thought.

"I knew it...I freaking knew it. The past weeks ever since you started seeing Nick again, you've become more and more distant from me. The hugs, kisses, even the sex. They all seemed like chores to you. You didn't really seem to enjoy being around me. Yet I saw the excitement in your eyes every time you were about to visit Nick. I tried to ignore it, tried to make up excuses for it, tried to be a better boyfriend. Nothing worked, I was still losing you to Nick everyday. And now I see you coming to my place right after visiting Nick and trying to make out with me like your life depended on it? And yeah, I also smell fox musk on you. So it really wasn't hard to connect all the dots. Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Like I'm some dumb bunny?

She was speechless, she didn't realize she was that obvious to Jack. She should've realized she had been hurting him this whole time. Jack was after all an expert at reading body language and faces.

She finally managed to say, "I…. I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, you know I'm yours. Please Jack I…"

"Stop."

She closed her mouth, her head down. She was ready to burst into tears when she saw a tear travel down Jack's head.

Jack said with a shaky tone, "You think I like being your rebound? You think that's what I want? What does Nick have that I don't have? What was he able to provide to you that I couldn't? Tell me Judy! What was it? What was it!?"

"You weren't Nick….It was simple as that," she answered honestly, but reluctantly. It was the most she could do for him in this really shitty situation.

He was taken back by her answer. His eyebrows furrowed and he pointed to the front door.

"Please leave, now. I….I don't ever want to see you again. I'm asking for a reassignment."

"Jack…"

He pointed to the door again but with more force, "Go!"

There was nothing more she could say. Nothing that could fix this situation. So she just grabbed her bag, and left. She cried the whole way home.

* * *

 

She laid down in bed, staring at the ceiling. It was the next day. Work was a complete blur to her. All she could think about was the empty space next to her on the chair in the bullpen. That glaring empty space. Chief Bogo might've said something about not being able to find a partner for her until another becomes available. She might've heard whispers in the back. She wasn't sure, she didn't care. All she could think about what a horrible bunny she was. What she did to Jack. What she did to Nick. Did she even report her updates for the bank robbery case to Chief Bogo? She didn't remember. She probably would've earned some praise if she did, but she felt like she didn't deserve it.

Trying to distract herself, she thought how many hours she must've spent staring at the ceiling since she moved in. It was probably the least interesting part of her apartment, yet she stares at this part of the appointment the most. Then she wondered why she was being an idiot and thinking about ceilings. She grabbed her laptop and tried to distract herself with Nutflix. She watched another episode of Mouse of Cards, but she just couldn't get into Frank Underforest's cruel taking down of another politician at the moment. She set her laptop on her drawer and pondered what to do next. She grabbed her phone thought about just wallowing in her sadness with some of Gazelle's ballads when she found she had a missed Muzzletime with Cheryl.

"Cheryl…," she thought. "She remembered how much better she felt after talking to Cheryl about her confrontation with Nick months ago.

"I should talk to her, keeping all these emotions bottled up won't do me any good," Judy said.

She clicked on the missed Muzzletime call notification and seconds later, Cheryl popped up on her screen.

"Hey Judy!" Cheryl greeted. She stood up and spun around, "Hey, hey, hey check out my new summer dress! I just bought it from Bloomingdeers!"

Cheryl was wearing a cream-colored dress decorated with pink flowers with vines winding in every direction. Even though Judy wasn't much of a dressy kind of bunny she had to admit that even she wanted that dress.

Judy smiled weakly and said, "That looks really cute Cheryl, what's the occasion?"

Cheryl said, "Oh you know, me and Darryl are going to have a picnic at the park. Just thought I would get something a little more summery." Judy could see Cheryl peer closer to the screen as her face got bigger.

"Judy? Have you been crying?"

Judy frowns and nods.

"What's wrong Judy?"

Judy said, "Jack broke up with me….," she raised her voice, "Because I cheated on him with Nick!" She starts bawling. There was no reasoning with her at this state. Cheryl waited patiently until Judy she sputtered out, "I'm a horrible bunny!"

Cheryl said quietly, "No you're not…"

Judy screamed through her tears, "How could you say that? I did a horrible thing to Jack! And Nick professed his love to me and I just left him! How am I not a horrible bunny?

"Because I know you Judy. And I know you have a good heart. That's why you always wanted to be a cop. That's why you're going to do great things."

Judy sniffled her last remaining tears, she managed to say, "I thought I had a good heart. Someone with a good heart wouldn't do this much damage to others."

Cheryl gave a light exasperated sigh and smiled, "Judy, just because you made a few mistakes, that doesn't mean you don't have a good heart. It just means….you made a few mistakes! What makes you a good mammal is the things you do after your mistakes."

Judy sighed, "I have no idea what I can to do to fix this mess."

"Well I'm not going to figure it out for you Judy. You know them better than anyone. Only you can figure it out."

"What if I mess up again?"

Cheryl gave her warmest smile yet, "I'm willing to bet that you won't."

Judy smiled, then said, "You have a serious gambling problem, you know that?"

"That's the Judy I know! Oh! So mom wants to know when you'll visit again."

* * *

 

Jack's ears perked up, he heard a knock. It was the exact same knock Judy would do before she came in with the key. His ears drooped back down and his eyebrows furrowed. He used to find that knock absolutely adorable, now he found it absolutely infuriating. He got up from his couch and walked briskly to the door.

He said as he opened the door, "Judy, what the hell? You can't just come he-"

To his surprise, there was no one there. It was just a bag of takeout and short letter besides it with his name on it.

His nose twitched excitedly when he smelled the aroma from the takeout. He recognized that smell anywhere. It was carrot stew from the Green Bistro. He rolled his eyes, "Does she really think bribing me with carrot stew is going to make things all better?" he thought. He gave her the benefit of the doubt and read her note.

_Dear Jack,_

_You told me that you didn't want to see me again. So I figured a letter would be the best way to talk to you! I'm so sorry about what happened between us. I'm so sorry that I cheated on you. It wasn't right. Scratch that, it was completely shitty of me to do that. You didn't deserve that at all. You're a great bunny in every way possible. You treated me well. Really well. It just….didn't work out. I just have to say, you weren't a rebound at all. Every moment we had together was special to me. It was all real. The ice-skating, the coffee dates, the nights we had together. All real. I guess my heart just always belonged to Nick. Oh gosh, once again, really sorry._

_Anyways, I brought you some carrot stew from Green Bistro, where we had our first dinner. I know this won't make up for everything, this is just I guess a delicious way to tell you I'm sorry. I'll be honest, I really hope that you forgive me, because I really want us to be friends again. You were one of my best friends in the precinct and I miss that. But it's okay if you never want to see me again. I just had to try. Well, I guess I'll see you around sometime, or not, if that's what you prefer._

_Sincerely,_

_Judy_

He folded up the note and placed it in his pocket. His stomach started grumbling. He hadn't eaten all day. Feeling sorry for himself didn't really give him much of an appetite, but this carrot stew does. He smiled, his heart was still hurting, but... it's healing now.

He grabbed the food and closed the door behind him.

Judy peeked out from the corner and saw that the takeout and letter were gone.

"Yes!" she cheered in her head and rewarded herself with a fist pump. She spent all day trying to craft the perfect apology note for Jack. Things may not be perfect now, but it's a start. Now it was time for the hard part, Nick.

* * *

 

She was outside Nick's door. She took a deep breath. She was nervous, her nose was twitching like there was no tomorrow. She had prepared a whole speech before she left, but now that she's here, she thought her speech sounded completely stupid.

"Aaagh what do I do!?" Judy thought. "Maybe I should just go back home, prepare a new speech. Nick probably still needs some time to heal anyways right? Maybe I can wait another day, week, month, year."

Hearing herself think, she found herself infuriating.

"No, I'm not waiting anymore. I have to do this now. I've faced thieves, burglars, assaulters, and murderers. This is just Nick, my best friend, my partner, the love of my life."

Her eyes widened when the realization hit her. "Wait, did I...did I just say love of my life? Nick? Love? Love Nick? I love Nick? I love Nick…"

Her legs started becoming shaky so she sat on the ground. She rested her head against her paw and smiled. She wanted to scream to the world that she loved Nick, but she didn't need Nick and her neighbors thinking she was insane. So she did the next best thing.

"I love Nick!" she starts screaming in her head. She did a few more times, and by doing that her confidence came back. She knew what to say. She didn't need that speech anymore. She just needed to speak from the heart.

She didn't bother doing her signature knock. She was too excited. She just grabbed her key to Nick's place. She turned the lock and opened the door.

She let out a loud gasp and dropped her bag. All her newfound confidence was replaced with shock and terror. In her sights was Nick, pointing a gun to his head.


	16. Chapter 16

"I….I love you," Nick said. There, he just said it. He finally told Judy. He finally told Judy how much she meant to him. Maybe…just maybe, now that she knew, she would stay for him. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. This was probably the most scared he has been. It felt like an eternity waiting for her to respond to his confession, but it gave Nick hope. Hope that perhaps she is mulling over her decision to leave, and instead stay with him.

However, she opened the door and said, "Nick, I'm sorry."

The door swung shut, seemingly closing any chance Nick had with Judy.

Nick, who was still on his knees, stared at the door blankly. His mind still hadn't fully comprehended the recent events, most likely a way to protect him from heartbreak for just a few more moments. It was almost five minutes before he realized that his knees were hurting from staying in that position and he slowly got up. A little unsteady, he slowly made his way back to bed and then plopped on top of it. He wormed his way through his bed until his head reached his pillow and then curled up under his covers. That's when it hit him. Judy picked Jack over him.

With the events fresh in his mind, he replayed them in his head because why not torture himself further. He thought about how she reminded him she was with Jack, how she denied any attraction to him, how she left right after his confession of his love, and how she basically closed the door to any relationship whatsoever. Those were some painful thoughts.

He never realized how much he needed her until now. He said it himself. He loved her. And his heart needed her to live. His heart felt like his other half was missing. How can he live with just half a heart? She was like air to Nick and without her, he could not live. And yet, none of that matters because she is with Jack.

"Jack….Jack, that fucking bastard!" Nick yelled. "What so great about him? What does he fucking have that Judy would pick him over me?

" _Oh you know, he's not a fox like you. Oh and he's actually a fucking perfect specimen of a rabbit that's great for Judy. While you're a piece of shit that's obviously wrong for Judy."_

"Fucking hell, it's back," Nick thought. "Of course it'll be back at a time like this."

" _Of course I would! This seems like the perfect time to be here! Anywho let's focus on how Jack is way better than you. He's sexier than you. He's cleaner than you. He's smarter than you. He's cleverer than you. He's a better police officer than you."_

As his inner voice rambled on about the admittedly many ways Jack was better than him, Nick realized what a fool he was. Of course Judy would've never said yes to him. She was already in this great relationship with another bunny. Sure it wasn't perfect, or else she wouldn't have kissed him back, but it was way better than what Judy and he could ever have. Like his inner voice said, Jack was way better than him.

His whole body cringed in embarrassment.

"God what a fucking idiot I was," Nick admitted. "How could I interject myself into Judy's life like that? God I'm a fucking prick."

Just because he thought he saw signs of Judy wanting to actually be with him? Sure she flirted back with him, but you know what else she did? Go back to Jack. Every night she wasn't here, she was with him. He felt stupid, so stupid. And now because of his actions, she probably never wanted to see him again. What he did was despicable, kissing her like that. He forced her into an uncomfortable position where she had to deal with the fact that she cheated on Jack with him. He hated himself for doing that to her. He just wanted to make her happy, but now he realized he was just arrogant. Arrogant enough to think that he could make her happy.

He continued to let his inner voice torture him with insults and depressing reminders until he couldn't take it anymore. He rolled out of his bed onto the ground, which hurt more than he expected. Then he slowly walked to his kitchen and found a bottle of Sniffnoff. He had told himself that he was going to stop drinking. That he could control himself. That there were other ways now. But….today he was desperate. He opened it and chugged it as he walked back to his bed. He relished the bitter burn of the drink as he welcomed the darkness that enveloped him as his inner voice faded.

* * *

He woke up to what was probably his most painful headache yet. The pain ranged from someone whacking him in the head with a baseball bat to a knife repeatedly being stabbed into his head. Luckily there was no light this early in the morning because he felt like it would blind him. His handy night vision guided him through his apartment to find Extra Strength Tylenmole to deal with his hangover. For a second before he took his medicine, he thought that he deserved the pain and should subject himself to this torture. He then gave a mental middle finger to that horrible idea and took his pill. He gulped down a glass of water and then went back to bed. He felt lethargic to the point where the shower and omelet felt like too much work for him.

As he laid in bed with his head still throbbing in pain, his mind decided to torture him further by replaying last night's events, along with mental images of Daniel in a wheelchair, Darren's body, the argument between his parents before his dad left, his mom's body, and much more. With each memory came with more regret.

"Why am I here?" he questioned. "Why have I been brought into existence just to have to struggle with wanting to continue my life? I have gone through so many hurdles and trauma in my life due to the pure notion that I need to survive. Yet is there any point to continuing this when all I feel is pain and suffering. It's not like I serve any purpose except to just let down others. Mom, Dad, Darren, Daniel, Judy, and more. All these mammals I let down. Is there any point to me being here? Honestly, I feel like….I feel like things would be better if I were gone."

The Tylenmole finally started to kick in and his headache subsided. Perhaps because of that, he started feeling a little better about himself, a little more hopeful.

"No, I need to stop thinking this way. I need to fight back, maybe just do a little cheering up. A Nick Wilde day! Just a day where I fucking relax and eat and drink what I like. How about I go to the bridge and grab some coffee and blueberries on the way. That's a good idea. In fact, I would say that's a Wilde idea!"

* * *

He set up his lawn chair, placed the blueberries and coffee on the ground next to him, and put on his aviators. He then laid on the lawn chair and waited for ultimate relaxation to take over. It didn't. Instead, all he could think about was the day he found his mom's body at his home. The fond memories of his family together that he associated with this place was gone. He could only fixate on that one memory. He tried taking a swig of coffee and popping a few blueberries in his mouth. That didn't help. A moment of pleasure cannot take away a lifetime of guilt, abandonment, and anger. It wasn't long before the bridge, dry riverbed, and pasture disappeared, and all he could see was his old house.

* * *

His 17 year old self stood right outside the front door to his home. It was 11:33 am, which meant 4th period, which was his…..well he didn't remember which class it was but it was definitely one of them. He tried doing the whole being a good student and going to school for one day. But of course, he ditched after 3 hours because it felt like a waste of time. It was much better use of his time to work in the streets hustling. Normally he wouldn't do this, but he decided to go today because of last night.

Nick and his mom had gotten into a huge fight, again. It was a regular thing, they probably had a fight once per day, if they were being cordial. But this fight tonight was different.

It all started when his mom called him down to go to the kitchen.

"Nicholas, I just got a call from the school, they said you haven't been going to class."

Nick laid down a huge wad of about $200 on the kitchen table in front of his mom.

"This is why I don't need to go to school mom, look at how much cash I'm earning from working on the streets!" Nick reasoned.

"Nicholas, this is dirty money. You don't want to be working out there on the streets. You want to be getting an education," his mom argued.

"Mom, the teachers treat me like shit. They just think of me like how they think of all foxes, untrustworthy, up to no good, and shifty.

"That's why you got to prove them wrong! You got to prove that you're not what everyone thinks you are! You're more than that! Why can't you understand that?

"Why can't you understand that it's never going to change? That the only pathway for me is to go out there and hustle?"

"Because you don't have to! You're so smart and talented! I don't get why you're so cynical! You can actually be a doctor, banker, artist, baker, anything you want to be! You don't have to be some criminal that's going to get thrown into jail!"

"I'll be fine, like you said, I'm smart. In fact I'm smarter and slyer than the other foxes out there. I know how to not get caught. I know how to be protected."

"That's not the point, you don't want to be like them. You want to have a real job. You don't want to be like your father."

That last sentence stung.

"That fox is not my dad. I am nothing like him."

"At this rate you're going to be just like him."

"How fucking dare you!'

"Nicholas!"

"No! You know what! Fuck you!" He started pointing accusingly at his mom as tears started to stream his face. He blared his teeth and instinctively let out a low growl.

He yelled, "Fuck you mom! Why do you do this? Why do you always compare me to dad? There hasn't been a fucking moment where I felt like I failed that sorry excuse of a fox. God, like if only I was better at helping him ask for a loan for Suitopia. What if I had said this instead, or did this instead? God fucking dammit, I hate that guy yet I feel like I failed him. And when you compare me to dad, I feel like you're just trying to change me to something I'm not, like you did to dad. You never believed in his Suitopia idea, and you don't believe that I can make it out in the streets! I show you all the money that I've been earning and you just label it as 'dirty money." Do you know how fucking condescending that is? How that makes me feel? It makes me feel like trash! Fucking trash!"

He leaned down on his knees, and was breathing heavily. He was exhausted, but he still had one more thing to say.

He looked her straight in the eye and said, "Mom, I hate you."

He looked back down to the ground, panting. He instantly felt a little better now that his rant was over. All that pent up anger he had inside him had now been released... on his mom. He instantly felt a pang of guilt inside him and he looked at her mom.

The funny thing was, she didn't even look mad like he expected. Instead, she sorta just looked...broken.

He didn't want to look at that face anymore, that face made him feel like a failure of a son again.

He said, "You know what I'm fucking over this. I'm going out."

He turned around and left the room expecting his mom to stop him, but she didn't. Instead she said, "There also hasn't been a day where I haven't felt guilty about your dad leaving us too."

He winced his eyes, filled with regret with what he just did, but he was too proud to let her know. So he pretended not to hear and slammed the door behind him.

Now that he went to school, well at least for half a day, maybe his mom will be somewhat happy with him. Then he can go back to working on the streets without any problem for at least a few days. He opened the door and started walking down the small hallway that leads to the stairs and living room.

"Mom?" he called out. There was no response. He thought maybe she was still mad or disappointed in him and refused to respond.

"Mom!?" he called out again. "I'm really sorry about what I said before. I... I don't hate you. I…" And that's when he turned into the living room and saw.

He saw her body lying down in the middle of the living room, a pool of blood flowing from her head, a handgun at her right paw. The blood was fresh, it just happened not too long ago. She was wearing her best evening gown. He recognized it. She told him before that this was the dress she wore on her last date with his father. He dropped to his knees and started shuffling backwards until he reached a wall. He kept trying to shuffle backwards against the wall, wanting to be as far away from here as possible. He wanted to go back to a time when his mom wasn't lying down dead in his own living room. When he finally realized he couldn't shuffle backwards anymore, he started to panic. His heart started pounding, the room started spinning, his breathing became heavy. He got into fetal position and started to sob uncontrollably. He so desperately tried to make sense of what just happened.

His thoughts raced through his mind, "What do I do, what do I do? Why did she do it? Why? Why? What do I do? Why do I do? I'm not making sense, how can I make sense? What is going on? What's happening, what's happening?"

He suddenly became nauseous and started vomiting next to him. Terrified by the sight of his own vomit, he fell forward, with his head planted on the ground. The darkness allowed him to focus and he started counting up. Once, he reached 50, the panic had past, and all that was left was grief. He slowly walked back to the living room and sat besides his mom. He noticed that her bleeding has stopped. He looked into her eyes, and saw pure hopelessness in her eyes.

"Is that what their eyes always look like before they commit the act?" he thought. "They feel so hopeless that they can't continue living on anymore?"

He quietly said, "I'm so sorry mom, I….I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... I didn't want you to... "

He started sobbing again, there was nothing he could say to her. No way to apologize. She was gone. Forever. He could only take solace in one thing, she was finally free from the pain that must've tortured her all this time.

"God fucking dammit," Nick muttered. He was just brought back from the memory from his mother's suicide. All the things he saw, all the emotions from the scene. They all felt fresh for him again. He crammed a bunch of blueberries into his mouth. The sweet tanginess of the blueberries failed to bring him out of this depressed state once again.

"Fucking blueberries, you guys were supposed to be my godsend."

Frustrated, he said, "You know what, fuck this place. I hate this place." He left his chair, blueberries, and coffee and headed home.

* * *

For the next two days, all he did was lie in bed and watch comedies on his laptop in a half-hearted attempt to feel better. He didn't bother writing in his journal anymore, he didn't want to see his own depressing thoughts. He also didn't want to make crafts anymore, it only reminded him of his mother. The only time he would get up was if he was hungry, needed to go to the bathroom, or needed some alcohol. Sure the humor definitely prompted a few chuckles here and there, but they didn't exactly lift his spirits. Like the blueberries and coffee, they were purely just a band-aid on a gaping wound. They made things seem a tiny bit better for a few seconds, but they didn't solve the problem at all. He was about to watch the next episode of Aardvarks and Recreation when his the inner voice appeared in his mind.

" _Hey loser, I just thought of an amazing proposition for someone like you!"_

Nick ignored his inner voice and started the episode.

" _Remember your gun? You should pick that up, point it to your head, and blow your fucking brains off."_

Nick rolled his eyes and said, "I'm not doing that, remember what I told you before? I'm not my mom."

" _You're not, you're fucking worse than your mom."_

His ears perked up, that fully caught his attention.

" _I mean look at you, you're a fucking piece of shit. Every mammal you get close to, you manage to somehow ruin their lives. Your dad lost all his hope, your mom killed herself, Darren was killed, Daniel was shot, and you made Judy a cheater. God what's wrong with you?"_

Nick's ears drooped and looked down in shame. His inner voice was absolutely right. He was a fucking piece of shit.

" _Like why are you even here besides to ruin other mammals' lives. You don't even find joy in it, your life is a piece of shit too. You're working a job that you're starting to hate, you're in a love a bunny that's taken, and you have no friends. God you should've killed yourself a long time ago."_

Nick's mind was in turmoil, everything his inner voice was making sense to him. He saw no future in his life, and he saw no purpose to his existence. Everyday was a struggle for him to seem normal to others, when he was actually being tormented by his mind.

He decided to search for the gun in his place. He justified his actions saying it probably wasn't safe that it was just lying around somewhere. He finally found it in that same shopping bag at a corner besides his couch. He picked it up carefully and looked at it. He had a look of fear, but almost admiration. This thing could kill him instantly, but that could mean it was his savior.

" _Do it, just do it. There's no reason for you to be here. There's no reason for you to exist. Save yourself the trouble of forcing yourself to live, when we both know all you want to do is escape from this life. Remember after you saw your mother's body, you were able to have some comfort that she escaped from this crappy life? You can have that same escape too."_

His inner voice was sounding more and more convincing. Nick slowly and shakily raised the gun to his left temple, his finger right at the trigger. Nick let a tear escape from his eye as he contemplated what could be his last decision ever on this Earth. Did he really want this? Yes...yes he did. This was the only way to relieve himself of this duty to survive, and finally be set free from this cage. His finger was about to press on the trigger when he heard a voice. A familiar voice.

" _ **No! Don't do it! It's not worth it!"**_

It sounded just like Judy. He looked around his apartment, he was alone. He wondered if he accidentally buttdialed has he was about to kill himself. He felt slightly embarrassed that his last act on earth would be broadcasted as a buttdial.

" _ **No, you dumb fox, I'm in your head. I'm your conscience, just in the voice of Judy because well I don't know, you created me in this way."**_

"What are you doing? You're kinda interrupting something here."

" _ **Well you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life, and I'm here to stop you."**_

"It's too late, I already made my decision. I'm going to do it."

" _ **Why didn't you just do it while I was talking. You were under no obligation to listen to me talk."**_

Nick had no response.

" _ **Yeah, that's what I thought. Now tell me why are you doing this?"**_

"Aren't you my conscience? Shouldn't you know why I'm doing this?"

" _ **Well I want you to fucking tell me anyways. So tell me.**_ "

Nick gave an exasperated sigh. His mind can be so fucking annoying sometimes.

"Because there's nothing good in my life. Living is such a fucking burden to me. I hate it. I hate feeling what I feel everyday. Everyday is a fucking battle, and I've lost the war. I surrender. I can't do it anymore. I can't handle it. It's….it's….it's too much.

" _ **You're right, it is a battle everyday. And it sucks, a lot, and it will continue to suck-"**_

Nick interrupted, "Wow, thanks for the pep talk."

" _ **Maybe you should shut the fuck up and let me talk."**_

"Wow, you are not like Judy at all."

" _ **Well I'm not Judy, I'm your conscience. Anyways, as I was saying. There is actually a lot of things in your life that are good, and to be happy about. You have a life worth living for. Do you want to leave all of that?"**_

"I tried them, but they don't take away the sadness in me. All they do is just... give me some temporary relief."

" _ **You have to fight for it, fight for happiness."**_

"That's what I've been doing for years, and I…lost. My inner voice won, I just want to be free from its grip."

" _ **You don't have to do this to free from it."**_

"But this is the easiest way."

" _ **Fine, but think about all the mammals you'll be leaving. All the fucking mammals who are going to be mourning your death. All the fucking mammals who are going be feel guilty who wondered if they could've done more. Does that sound familiar to you? Kinda like how you felt with your mom's suicide?**_

His resolve to shoot himself waned down, he remember the guilt and grief at that site. Then the anger, confusion, and more guilt, and more grief day after the suicide. He hated those feelings. He hated that part of his life. That was….a dark moment in his life.

He weakly argued back, "I don't have to worry, there's no one who will feel that way about me."

" _ **Are you serious? Are you fucking serious? Have you not been paying attention to your life? You're the first fucking fox police officer, whether you think so or not you're an inspiration to the fox population.**_

"There are plenty of foxes out there that hate me for that, pretty sure Finnick does."

" _ **Well, Finnick and the rest of them don't represent the whole fox population, I mean look at Daniel, he was so inspired by you that he changed his life. Does that not mean anything to you?"**_

Guilt filled him as he thought about how he wasn't able to protect him and how he just left him. "Daniel…"

" _ **Yeah, Daniel. And don't forget the doctor who had such high praises for you. And the whole ZPD cheered when you came back that day.**_

Nick started to lower the gun from his head. "Maybe...maybe you're right."

" _ **And of course, Judy."**_

Nick was reminded of the fallout after the kiss and raised his gun back up to his head.

"I messed up with Judy, she was truly the only good thing in my life. She was the only thing that truly helped me forget the reasons I'm so fucked up."

" _ **You know that's not true."**_

"What do you mean? You've seen my mind."

" _ **Yes I have, and I've also seen the hurt that she caused you as well."**_

His finger started touching the trigger. "Then what are you trying to say? That even she's not a good thing in my life? That there's even less reason to continue living in this fucked up world?"

" _ **No, that's not my point. Yes Judy is also a good thing in your life, and she's a great support in your life, but you can't completely rely on her for your happiness. There are going to be times where she hurts you or disappoints you. You also have to start finding ways yourself to be happy. Find your own inner strength to keep fighting for happiness.**_

"That is such Mystic Oasis Springs bullshit. My own fucking inner strength. Have you not been hearing what I've been saying? I lost! I'm not strong enough! I can't do this anymore! It's too painful!"

" _ **That's absolutely not true. You're one of the strongest foxes out there. You went through so much, and yet you always found reasons to laugh. Found reasons to smile. Found reasons to post a selfie on Instagrr. All before meeting Judy. Why is this any different? This is just another hurdle in your life that you need to jump over."**_

He stayed silent, with a contemplative look on his eye. He processed what conscience Judy said. Maybe perhaps, it was right. Maybe he does in fact have a life worth fighting for. Yes perhaps being with Judy would make him happy, but she wasn't the only way to be happy. Like conscience Judy said, he had been happy in the past. He had found ways to cope with all the shit in his life, and he will find a way again. And yes, there were going to be periods in his future where he feels depressed, angry, guilty, or empty, and they'll be tough. But he had to remember that they don't last forever. He just needed to continue to be strong, to keep fighting, and to continue to have hope. Hope that one day he will be better. And when that day comes, he find himself a medal and wear it proudly. Because it means he won the war.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. Thank you, thank you from preventing me from making the biggest mistake in my life. I guess I just needed something or someone to pound in my head that it's worth all the pain.

" _ **No problem, you dumb fox. And don't forget you're not alone in your battle. There's not just me, but there's your hobbies, your favorite shows, your favorite food, and of course the mammals in your life. They're the most powerful weapons you can wield against your inner voice.**_

He smiled, "Of course, of course. I'll try to remember that better. You know, maybe you are kinda like Judy in a way."

" _ **Ehhh shut up, just try not pulling any stunts like this anytime soon."**_

"Nick! Please don't do it! It's not worth it! Please!"

Nick was brought out of his trance, and there he saw Judy, the actual Judy, kneeling at the doorway.

"Nick, you don't have to do this. It's not worth it. You can't do it. You can't leave me like this. I...I...I l-"

Before Judy could finish her sentence, Nick lowered the gun and started disassembling it. He took out the bullets from the magazine and removed it from the gun, along with the slide and the barrel. He knew his guns well. He then threw everything in the bag except the magazine, which he handed to Judy.

"Don't ever give this back to me, hide it somewhere where I'll never find it."

Judy shakily took the magazine and put it in her bag. She was in total confusion, shock, and astonishment. This fox who was just about to blow his brains out just disassembled a gun in record time and gave a part of it to her. There were so many questions in her head but the most pressing one reached her mouth first.

"Were you...really about to kill yourself?" Judy squeaked. It felt like such a dumb question, he clearly was, but she just had to know for sure.

He shifted uncomfortably looked away from her, his face shy from the shame and guilt he felt.

"Yes," he quietly said.

She let out a quiet gasp. The guilt she had for rejecting Nick for Jack multiplied, she thought it had to be because of her. Even if he won't admit it, she must've at least been the trigger. She must've had a guilty look on her face because she felt a reassuring paw on her arm.

"Judy it wasn't because of you. It can never be your fault because you're too good to exist. It's because of me, my mind, and my own damn problems."

"But I...I must've at least been part of the reason…"

"Judy, don't give yourself so much credit. A lot of things have happened to me, more than you could possibly know. There were a lot of reasons that I wanted to give up…But a little voice in my head told me to stay strong and never give up." He gave her a warm smile. "And I guess I couldn't just leave a cute bunny like you behind."

She then started sobbing and knocking on his chest, "You dumb fox! How could you even think about doing this!? How could you even think about leaving all of us behind! Leaving me behind!"

He put his arm around her back and brought her in for a hug.

"I don't know, I really don't know. I guess I just get stuck in my head a lot, and sometimes it's hard to see how much I really mean to others.

Her crying has subsided into the occasional sniffle. She was sure that his shirt was full of her mucus and tears but he never seemed to mind anyways. She realized how much he has been comforting her when he was in the need of comfort, so she wrapped her arms around him. They continued to hug in silence was nice. Their arms both served to help them cope with the pain that had tormented them for the past few days.

It was then Judy thought about what he said, and she realized that if Nick has trouble seeing how much he really meant to her, then it was time she showed him. So she stepped back a bit, and saw Nick, curious to see what she was about to do next. She dragged him down by pulling down his collar and kissed him. It was just a light, short kiss, just to tell him how she really felt about him. Then she gently pushed him away.

She saw a dumbstruck look on his face. She broke out into a huge grin and she realized, she never needed a speech. All she had to do was say the three little words that she had just found out moments ago had been swirling in her heart for the longest time, "I love you."

His heart jumped. Euphoria flowed throughout his body. His muzzle broke into a big stupid smile. He was happy, stupidly happy, the happiest that he could be in a long time. And to think he was about to blow his brains out just a few moments ago.

"I love you too," he said. He then grabbed her and swooped her off her feet and laid a kiss on her mouth. A long one. A passionate one. One that their friends and family will hear of for ages to come.

But then something in the back of his head bothered him and he released her from his kiss.

"Wait, I just gotta know-" he said.

She interrupted, "Jack and I are over. Now shut up and let's get back to kissing, I want to get to know you tonight."

She wrapped her paws around his head and kissed him as he carried her to his bed.


	17. Chapter 17

It was early in the morning, the sun's rays had barely touched the skylines of Zootopia. Nick had just woken up, not having gotten much sleep after their session, no, sessions of love-making. He guessed that his body simply did not want to be asleep. Being asleep meant that he would have to spend time away from Judy with his dreams, when Judy was already his dream.

He felt the warm bundle of fluff curled against his side, asleep. He couldn't help but stare at her, admiring the beauty that seemed to line every single strand of fur on her body. He felt her chest rising up and down against his side, each breath reminding him that yes, this bunny actually belonged to him. And he belonged to her. He smiled and thought, "How am I lucky enough to end up with this girl?"

He thought about every event that led up to last night. Just judging from the first day they met, it was a surprise that they even ended up becoming friends. Judy was the idealistic and naive bunny from the farmlands. He was the conniving and cynical fox from the streets. However, they came to look past their prejudice, and saw the strength and value in each other. Boy have they come so far.

He kissed her at the top of her head between her ears and he watched as she squirmed before resting her head against his side and smiled. He'd never say this to her face since she would probably kill him, but she looked adorable sleeping. He put his arm around her side and thought about how he was going to do everything he could to hold on this bunny. Perhaps the first thing he could do was make breakfast for them. He successfully slid out of bed without waking her up and headed to the kitchen.

As he made the pancake batter, from scratch of course, he thought about his younger days. The days when he also did a different kind of hustling. With Finnick as his wingman, he would hustle vixens to spend the night at their place for some good times. Then after a night of pleasure and fun at bed, he would slip out of bed and escape when the vixen fell asleep. Now he was instead making pancakes for not a vixen, but for a bunny. He smiled to himself, Judy sure has hustled him good.

Judy woke up to the smell of carrot pancakes wafting into the living room from the kitchen. The aroma was tantalizing and she found her nose twitching in response. She couldn't help a big smile on her face. This is one of the happiest she's been. She gets to have carrot pancakes with the fox she loves, and she just had one of the most amazing nights she ever had. Their lovemaking, she felt a connection that she never had with anyone else. Nothing felt awkward, everything just felt right. She had a burst of joy that just needed to come out.

"Woooooooooooo!" she cheered.

She heard a foxy voice coming from the kitchen, "Carrots? You finally awake now?"

She couldn't help but giggle, "Yes Nick!

"Well get your sexy ass in the kitchen! I made us breakfast!"

"I don't know...I think I need you to help me work up an appetite for breakfast."

"Ugh Carrots…the pancakes will get cold!"

"I'll let you eat the pancakes off my naked body afterwards."

Judy could hear what sounded like a spatula being thrown into the sink and see his clothes flying across the room from the doorway.

"What a dumb fox," she thought. She made a satisfied sigh. "But I love that dumb fox. I can't wait to see where this goes."

Out came the very naked and giddy fox from the kitchen who jumped onto the bed. He then pounced on her with his lips in what was the beginning of another lovemaking session.

* * *

Today was their first date since they became a couple, and Judy was nervous. The last few days, Judy would just come to his place from work and spend the night chilling, cuddling, fucking, dinner, fucking, Nutflix, cuddling, and fucking. When Judy finally had a day off on Saturday, Nick decided that it was time they had their first date as a couple.

Judy was downright surprised when Nick suggested they go hiking at this spot in the Rainforest District as their first date. Nick was by no means unfit. Like her, he excelled in the obstacle courses and sparring in the police academy. It was just every time she had ever invited him to go jogging or work out, he would respond with an overdramatic display of him kneeling on the floor fake vomiting as if she just force-fed him something so poisonous and vile. He would do it in public too. God he was so embarrassing sometimes. She thought perhaps he just wanted to show her that now that they're a couple, he's willing to meet her halfway and go hiking with her. She thought there had to be a catch somehow.

They were at the beginning of the hiking trails, where there were several different routes that they could take.

She took note of the sign that said in big red letters, "DO NOT GO OFF THE MARKED TRAIL."

She turned to Nick and asked, "Which trail do you want to pick? There's a 3 mile one, a 5 mile one, and oooh a 10 mile one, that one sounds promising."

She of course expected Nick to say the 3 mile one or maybe the 5 mile one. There was no way he would say the 10 mile one, he can't like hiking that much.

Nick said, "Let's do the 10 mile one."

She looked at him with disbelief, "Really? You sure about that?

Nick said, "Absolutely positive." He then gave her a quick sly smile and headed down the path.

"That fox is up to something, I just know it," she thought.

However they walked down the trail for 20 minute without any instances of tricks and hustling from Nick. She soon let go her suspicions as they continued down the trail. She realized that she should just be more concerned making this date as memorable and wonderful as possible. They talked, admired the views, and of course had kissing breaks. A lot of kissing breaks. Long ones too. She loved how she could just be herself around Nick. There were no barriers, no pressure, and no stress. It was just Nick and her.

However, her bubble of bliss and joy was popped when Nick started to steer off the marked trail towards a clearing with thick, tall grass.

"Nick! What are you doing? We can't walk off the marked trail!"

"Don't worry! I know a better way!"

"Nick! But the sign said…"

"Awww, is the little bunny afraid to go off the trail?" he teased.

Her eyebrows furrowed and she let out a little grunt. "Ughh, no! It's just…"

"Look Judy, I've been down here before, and it's totally fine. Trust me."

He gave her a genuine smile held his paw to Judy.

After some thought, she sighed and reluctantly took it. They walked together, holding paws, through the clearing, and soon they were delving deeper into the thick forest. The canopy on top was filled with many layers of leaves that there was barely any sunlight. She had to rely on Nick's night vision in order to see where they were going. This did nothing to calm down Judy's nerves. She did not like breaking the rules unless the ends justified the means, like when they got help from Mr. Big to get information about the Nighthowler case. Even then she felt uneasy doing so. However, she was with Nick, and she trusted him. She tried her best to calm her nerves, but she was sure that Nick knew how uncomfortable she was. He tried reassuring her by telling him that he has never gotten caught before. Also he filled the conversation with juicy gossip, random news, and super lame but admittedly funny jokes to distract her. He really was a sweet fox.

After what seemed like forever to Judy, he said, "Well, we're finally here!"

He brushed the bush away to let Judy go through into what was perhaps one of the most beautiful things she ever saw.

They were in another small clearing in the rainforest. What first caught her attention was the rushing stream that twisted and winded through the clearing, with some mini waterfalls along the way. It had the clearest water she has ever seen and underwater were rocks that glistened under the sunlight.

Behind the stream was a hill decorated with cliffs, trees, ferns, and other plants she couldn't identify. The tree branches and trunks were coated with a thin layer of moss. She was amazed that the trees on the slant looked like they were in a constant process of falling, but managed to stay steady in that position.

She felt like she was in almost hypnotic-like trance from how much in awe she was in. She had definitely never seen a place like this in Zootopia or Bunnyburrow.

"My god, this place is breathtaking," Judy thought.

Her trance-like state was interrupted when Nick held her paw and led them to a rock big enough for the two of them.

Nick said, "I always sit on this rock, it just happened to be perfectly shaped for my ass."

She giggled and said, "I'm glad to hear that Mother Nature is looking out for you."

He winked at her, then put his arm around her and brought her closer to him. They spent a few minutes in silence just admiring the beauty of what was in front of him.

Nick finally broke the silence and said, "Thanks for trusting me Carrots, I know this was hard for you."

Judy smiled and snuggled against his side, "It was, but it was a good kind of hard. I just have to meet you halfway and learn that maybe perhaps, bending the rules is not so bad."

Nick smiled back and said, "I'm glad that I can teach you some very important lessons."

Judy giggled and then warned him with a playful glare, "But we can't do stuff like this too often."

Nick laughed and said, Sure, Carrots." He then kissed her on the head between her ears.

After a few more minutes of admiring the beauty of nature, it was then Judy who broke the silence.

"So Nick, does anyone know about this place?" Judy asked.

"Nope. Just me, and you today."

She was touched that she was the only mammal that Nick ever showed this place to. She didn't realize how important she was to Nick.

"How did you find out about this place then?"

He had a reluctant look and scratched his head. He then sighed and said, "When my mother died, I just needed to be away from the city for a while. So I decided to stay out in nature at the Rainforest District for a little bit. I followed that trail that we were on, then being the rebel I am, I decided to veer off and explore the forest my own way. And after some time, I came across this clearing, and it became one of the few places where I could just forget all the troubles in my life. I think it's because of the beauty and tranquility of this place. It just helps me feel peace in my mind. Unfortunately, I can't come here that often because as you can see, it's such a trouble to get here, but whenever I do, it's so worth it."

Judy said, "Oh...Oh wow... thanks for sharing that with me. Sharing such an important place with me."

Nick smiled and said, "Of course, you're an important bunny in my life."

She looked up into eyes and smiled. "I love you Nick."

She loves how Nick still has a surprised look every time she says that to him. He recovers and kisses her on the mouth.

He let go and said, "I love you too."

She thought nothing could ever ruin this moment. This moment was utterly roman-

"In fact I love you so much that I made sure not to complain about my butt cramp on my way up."

Moment ruined.

* * *

Nick and Judy were on patrol around Tundratown, it was Nick's first day back since his month paid leave. With the promise that Nick and Judy would be partners again, there was no way Nick wouldn't return to his job. He certainly knew how to make an entrance too.

When Nick and Judy entered the bullpen, they were met with cheers and applause. Officer Nick Wilde was finally back. Feeling swept up by all this celebratory mood, he decided he got to give them a show this time. He lifted Judy up to eye level. She had a confused look at first, but she realized what he was about to do, and gave him a slight nod of approval. He then gave her a deep kiss as she wrapped her arms around Nick. That just got the crowd louder and crazier, especially Clawhauser. He leapt for joy from his chair and gave the loudest cheer out of the all the officers in the room. His OTP has finally come true.

Despite the warm welcome, he still had some doubts hovering in the air about whether he should continue to be a police officer. It was still viewed widely within the fox community that the police was a group to be feared and not to be trusted. He wasn't sure what his role should be as the first fox police officer. Of course if he sees a fellow fox committing a crime, then he has to do everything in his power to arrest the mammal. However, he couldn't help but feel sick to the stomach when he does. He basically was condemning them to a maximum sentence for the crime they commit, while another mammal may get away with a much more lenient sentence. He just watched on the news how a wealthy antelope managed to get away with just 6 months of house arrest and 300 hours of community service for drunk driving and killing a family. A fox, weasel, or coyote would typically get 30 years. How could he be an enforcer for a justice system that while inherently fair at first glance, is still yet so unfair to certain species?

He expressed his concerns to Judy the day before he was due to go back to work, and while she was empathetic, there wasn't much advice she could offer.

"We are bound to our duty to protect and serve the citizens through the law. If the law says this is a crime and we see someone committing it, whether the mammal is a fox, bunny, weasel, or polar bear, we have to do everything we can to stop them," she told him. She spoke like any other police officer would. And that was the problem for him. He wasn't like any other police officer because of the status of foxes in Zootopia and his own personal status as the first fox in the ZPD.

As he struggled to compromise his duty as a police officer with his duty to the fox community, his mind started to connect it to his fear that all he could did was hurt others, that his existence meant nothing but pain for others. That all he could do as a police officer was hurt foxes around him. He started to feel a panic attack coming and he did his best to control it. Not now. Not during his first day back. He had to be strong.

"Hey Nick, are you okay? Your ears are folded back." she asked.

She then nudged him and teased, "Nervous about your first day back?"

He felt the panic attack subsiding. Thank god for Judy.

Nick gave her a sly smirk and said, "I mean, if there's anything to be nervous about, it's being in the car when you're driving."

He felt a punch to his arm. "Hey! No making fun of my driving! I'm a great driver!" she said with a sly smile.

He rubbed his arm, Judy punches hard.

With a concerned tone back in her voice, she asked, "But seriously, what's wrong Nick? You know you can talk to me about anything."

Nick grimaced and looked down, he said, "Just...what we were talking about yesterday." He then turned to her and said, "I'm not sure if I can be a police officer. I just...don't know if I can do it."

She gave him an empathetic look, she wasn't sure if she could completely help him with this problem. Yes, she faced discrimination as a bunny in the ZPD, but her struggles are completely different from Nick. She can still be there for him and listen whenever he needs to talk, but she knew this was something he had to figure out for himself.

Thinking about what she can do for Nick to help him feel better, she then thought of an idea.

"Let's stop right here," she said. She parked at a dark alleyway, the police cruiser hidden in the shadows, the perfect place to catch any speeding vehicles.

"Okay." Nick said stoicly.

"So officially, we're here to catch any speeding vehicles, right?"

"Right."

She grinned and said "However, I think Zootopia will be fine if we spend a few minutes in the backseat….having some fun with each other."

Nick grinned and said, "My my…the bunny who was so resistant to go off the trail on our first date, is now suggesting we do some loving while on duty.

He leaned towards her, "In other words, you're saying we break some rules?"

She held onto her arm uncomfortably and said with somewhat regretful tone, "Well yeah, I mean, I know I can never understand your struggle fully and I know this won't solve all of your problems, but maybe making your time as a police officer as fun as possible will just make you happier in general, and maybe being happier will help you figure things out."

She then switched to a flirty tone and leaned towards him, "Plus if I get to have some fun to make you feel better, then maybe bending the rules won't be so bad."

"I like the way you think."

"So are you in or what?"

Nick responded with a kiss, "So fucking in."

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Nick asked.

"Absolutely." Judy said determined.

"Then what are you waiting for?" he asked, somewhat amused.

"I…I….I just need to prepare myself okay!"

They were at her apartment, Judy sitting at her chair and Nick standing behind her, his head resting between his ears. She has been staring at her parents' contact page on her phone for ten minutes.

It has been a few months since their relationship started and she has not told her parents about it. She knew that her parents loved Jack, which she assumed was because he was an all-around perfect bunny boyfriend. When she told them she broke up with Jack, she had to watch them cry on Muzzletime from what seemed to be the biggest tragedy of the year to them. She of course, left out the part that she got together with Nick two days after.

And ever since, she has been way too nervous to tell her parents about their relationship. However, that didn't mean she never talked about Nick. She desperately wanted her parents to like Nick, so she would tell them about how great of a friend and partner he was. They definitely approved of him as a friend and have talked to him before on Muzzletime. They regularly sent over boxes of blueberries to him, much to his liking. Despite their kindness to Nick, she wasn't so sure if her parents would be too happy about them being together.

It's true that her parents have always been the more progressive bunnies in Bunnyburrow. While they initially were concerned about Judy wanting to be a police officer, they eventually gave in and were a huge help in getting her to where she was. They let her study instead of working in the field, completely paid for her police academy tuition, and gave her countless books about policework. They were perhaps the most supportive parents she could ask for when it came to achieving her dream. Plus the fact that they were open enough to work with Gideon Grey, that spoke volumes in the Bunnyburrow community, and is still controversial within the bunny community to this day. Yet, she just wasn't sure if they would approve of a bunny-fox relationship. Interspecies relationships were still not common in Zootopia and nonexistent in Bunnyburrow. There was a chance that her parents would not approve, which was why she didn't want to tell them. They had already sacrificed so much for her, she didn't want to disappoint them. However, this relationship with Nick was a big part of her life and was definitely becoming serious. She loved Nick and she could see herself being with Nick for the rest of her life. And she knew he felt the same way about her too.

So she told herself that once she gained enough courage, she was going to tap the screen and Muzzletime her parents. However, Nick decided enough was enough and tapped on the screen himself. Her screen showed a picture of her parents, indicating that it was calling her parents.

Judy turned to Nick yelled, "Nick! What the hell!"

Nick winked at her, "Just decided to help out a little."

Her parents popped up on the screen, happy as ever to see their daughter.

Bonnie greeted, "Hey Bun-bun! Oh hey Nick! How are you guys doing?

Stu asked, "You solved any big cases lately?"

Stu Hopps was definitely the kind of bunny who loved to brag about his daughter's accomplishments, so he asked that question every time they talked.

Judy laughed nervously, "Hahahha... we're doing fine. And no, no big cases dad.

Nick added, "Just paperwork and giving out speeding tickets. Funny thing, we usually give out speeding tickets to sloths. Who would've thought?"

Stu said, "Huh, well that's something new that I can tell the fellas at poker tonight."

Bonnie said, "Oh hush Stu, no one wants to hear about your poker night."

Judy said, "No, no, no, no! So how is poker doing?

Stu said, "See Bonnie? Judy cares!"

Stu then went on a long talk about his poker nights, his strategy when playing poker, and many other poker-related topics that frankly none of them cared about. However, for Judy this was the perfect way to delay having to confess her parents.

At least until Nick interrupted, "I'm sorry, as much as we love to hear about your poker stories Mr. Hopp, Judy has something really important to you." Judy sneered at him with such disdain before looking back at her phone smiling.

Bonnie said, "Oh! What do you have to tell us?"

Stu asked, "Did you get a promotion? I knew my little Jude could do it!"

Judy sighed, "No, no I didn't. What Nick was talking about is…um….uhh…." then she blurted out, "Nick and I are together!" She starts to tear up right after her confession.

"And I'm really really scared that you won't approve because I really really like, no, I really really love Nick, and your acceptance will mean everything to me."

Nick held her hand in support as she started to cry. Even he started to have a worried look.

Bonnie and Stu looked at each other smiling, and Stu put his arm around Bonnie's shoulder.

Stu said, "Judy, how can we ever be mad at you for finding love?"

Bonnie said, "That's all we ever just wanted for you after you reached your dream of becoming a police officer. To find someone that you love."

Stu added, "And we're so happy that it's Nick, in fact...we kinda hoped that you two would end up together."

Judy, still in sniffles, asked, "Really? You...wanted me with Nick? But you were so upset when I told you Jack and I broke up. And you know...Nick isn't a bunny."

Bonnie said, "Bun-bun, we were only upset because we thought Jack was your true love at the time. And it doesn't matter if who you're dating isn't a bunny. Judy you taught us to be more open and accepting of other species. Of course we were going to love Nick when we found out about him."

Stu said, "I mean you two just seem so much more compatible than Jack and you. We were pretty surprised that you ended up with Jack for a while."

Bonnie turned to Stu said, "Hush, you don't need to tell them that.

She faced back to the phone and said, "Anyways, Nick, welcome to the Hopps family, we're so happy to have you finally join us."

Nick's eyes widened and gave her one of his rare genuine smiles, a smile Judy has not seen since she first confessed her love to him. He hadn't had a family for over 20 years, and now he finally got be a part of one again.

"Thank you Mrs. Hopps, that... that truly means a lot."

Bonnie smiled and then asked, "So when are you guys going to visit Bunnyburrow?"

* * *

Nick was typing up a report of today's recent events. He was never too fond of paperwork, in fact, he abhorred it. He found it particularly soul-sucking having to sit behind a screen typing up a bunch of paperwork when he much rather sit behind a screen and watch Mammalchef. However, this time it was particularly painful for him. Today was a tragic day to say the very least.

Earlier today, he attempted to persuade a coyote to not jump off an 8 story building. The coyote could not have been older than 21. This case felt personal to Nick though. Both Nick and Judy had discussed that if there was ever a situation that needed some sort of persuasion or interrogation, Nick was the mammal to do it. Especially since Judy has the tendency to put her foot in her mouth sometimes. Plus, he himself had considered suicide a few months ago, he knew was basically that coyote a few months ago. Thus, he had to be the perfect mammal to convince him not to jump.

Nick did everything right. He took measures to calm the coyote down. His tone was gentle. Nick asked him why he was doing it. It turned out he had been feeling really alone. Nick told him that he cared, that he would be his friend, that he was sure there were many out there that cared about him. Nick did everything right. Yet the coyote jumped.

When Nick and Judy were driving back to the station, it was dead quiet. The only sound Nick heard was the bones cracking as the coyote's body made contact with the ground. It would be something that would haunt his life, perhaps the rest of his life. He tried to tell himself that he did everything he could, that he couldn't save everyone. But right now all he could think about was how he fucking failed to save that coyote's life.

Once they got to the station, Judy tried to reassure him by putting a paw on his shoulder and said, "Nick... I'm here for you."

He brushed her paw aside and said, "I'm going to work on the report, alone." He emphasized the alone part. He left the car and walked into the station without looking back. He didn't mean to take it out on Judy and in fact appreciated Judy's efforts, but right now, he just had to mourn his death alone.

As he walked to his office through the station, he received numerous gestures and voices of support from other police officers, some he knew well, and others that he didn't know at all. It was true, your precinct was your pack. Something he always wanted, part of the reason he wanted to join the Ranger Scouts. However, that didn't mean he was willing to open up to them. He put his confox skills to use and gave them a sad smile and offer his thanks. The perfect expression of showing he was grieving but otherwise okay. They didn't need to know the amount of pain he felt inside.

He just got to the part where he had to describe in detail what happened. He basically had to relive these painful memories. He gulped and decided to just power through. The sooner he was done with this, the better.

There were many moments where he felt like breaking down, but he just kept telling himself, "Not now, not now, not now, you can do it later, you can do it later." The part where he had to describe the situation after the deed was done was especially difficult. He had to stop typing and put a paw over his head and let out a few tears. He then was back to typing the out the rest of the report.

Once he was done, he printed it out, and put it in the case folder. He was done. He made it. He set the folder aside and stared at the computer screen.

"What now?" he thought. He could feel the grief and guilt rising when he heard a knock from the wall of his cubicle. Judy came in with a blueberry donut from his favorite donut place.

"I know you told me that you wanted to be alone...but I thought maybe if you're alone with a donut, it would make things a bit better," she said somewhat shyly.

Judy Hopps was perhaps the sweetest mammal in Zootopia with the sweetest pastry in Zootopia. He couldn't help but smile.

He smiled warmly and said, "Food therapy, my favorite kind of therapy."

He grabbed the donut and took a bite. The fresh donut warmed his body a bit, giving him some relief from his guilt.

"It's certainly the best kind," she said. "Anyways, I'll leave you two alone. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here for you Nick."

She started to walk away when Nick said, "No wait, can you… can you stay with me?" He opened up his arms, signaling that he needed a hug.

She smiled and hopped up onto his lap and hugged him.

His heart was still in chaos from feelings of failure and guilt. But at least he now had someone who he can share the pain with. And that made the pain not so bad anymore.

"I love you," Nick said.

"I love you too," Judy replied.

* * *

"Come on Carrots! We need to catch the bus to go to the park for our picnic!" Nick yelled. He was holding a picnic basket filled with delicious food they (mostly him) prepared for the picnic.

"God you're so impatient! Hold on! I just need to brush my fur!" Judy yelled.

"Your fur is perfectly fine! Let's go!"

Judy's phone started ringing. Terry's name appeared on the screen.

Judy grabbed her phone and looked at the screen. "Huh, it's Terry. I haven't spoken to him for weeks. Should I answer it?"

Nick shrugged and said, "Well at this point, we're going to miss the bus, might as well at this point."

Judy went into the kitchen to answer the phone. Nick set down the picnic basket and laid down on his bed.

He thought about how far their relationship has gone. It's been five months, the best five months of his life. There were many highs, and many lows. However, they got through all those lows together, and Nick finally knew the benefit of sharing his pain with others, instead of having to go through everything alone. He knew he had weapons in his arsenal against his mental illness, the strongest being Judy. And Judy herself knew that she could share her pain with him, and use Nick as a weapon for any of her struggles. They were two individual souls both with their own strengths and weaknesses. But together, they made something unstoppable.

His train of thought was interrupted when Judy finally came out of the kitchen, a pained expression on her face.

Nick with a worried tone said, "Judy? Judy? What's wrong?"

Judy said, "Daniel….he swallowed a bunch of his sleeping medications...he's in the hospital now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So I hope you guys like this chapter, it was kinda my own version of a bunch of drabbles marking the different stages in their relationship while exploring Nick's mental illness in some of them. I at least had fun writing this chapter! Anyways I think this story should be done by next or next next week. I'm going to be releasing the last chapter and the epilogue on the same day. And of course as always, reviews, kudos, and subscriptions are always appreciated!


	18. Chapter 18

He sat at the edge of his bed, arms crossed and head turned to the side, refusing to face Judy. Judy stood in front of him looking very unimpressed, paws on her hips and right foot thumping on the ground.

It had been three days since the news of Daniel's suicide attempt. It was a tense period of time for them, the stress over the question of Daniel's survival plagued their minds. They were more prone to anger, letting any little thing give them an excuse to explode. Their arguments ranged from little quibbles, like Judy forgetting to wash the dishes or Nick hogging the shower, to something more cutting like Judy being accused of being too harsh or Nick being too cynical. They were often followed by an apology and a kiss, but the tension in the air made it clear that the damage had already been done.

However, just a few minutes ago, Judy got a call from Terry and heard the good news that Daniel was awake and doing well. The light from the good news pierced through the dark cloud that loomed over their heads, and everything seemed to be fine again. Only for a moment though. Things quickly turned sour again once with Nick's refusal to visit Daniel at the hospital.

"No," Nick said softly.

"What? What do you mean no?" Judy asked.

"I'm not going," he said more sternly.

"Daniel was your partner, how can you not go?" Judy asked.

Nick shuffled uncomfortably on his bed, and shook his head slightly.

Judy scoffed. "Well? Are you going to answer me?"

"Didn't realize you were going to act like a mom to me."

She responded back sharply, "And I didn't realize I couldn't have a mature conversation with a fox 8 years older than me."

He glared at her. She glared back. Their glaring contest lasted ten seconds before Nick put his paws up as if he was surrendering.

"Please Carrots, can you drop it, I don't want to go... I can't go."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, Nick's ears drooped even lower seeing her disappointment.

She said, "I...I just don't understand why you don't want to be there for Daniel. Yes I get that you feel guilty about his right leg, but isn't visiting him a good way to deal with that?"

Nick knew Judy was right. He definitely needed to see Daniel. It'll be good not just for Daniel, but him as well. However, there are times that despite all his best efforts to not listen to the lies his inner voice tells him, it wins out.

" _Daniel will hate seeing you. You haven't seen him for so many months, you actually make the effort to avoid him at the police station, why would he want to see you? You're a pathetic fox who wasn't there for his mentee, you're the last mammal he would want to see."_

"Please Nick, I really think you should come. I'll be there with you, you won't have to do this alone," Judy reassured him, putting a paw on his shoulder.

" _Wow what a bitch for trying to pressure you into seeing Daniel. If she truly understood you, then she would've just dropped it you know? God what the fuck is wrong with her."_

Nick swatted her paw away and yelled, "Just back off okay!? I don't need all this shit from you right now. You don't know me. You wouldn't understand what I'm going through. So why don't you go do what you want, and I'll do what I fucking want. How about that?"

Judy looked hurt, but just for a second. Her face contorted with rage as a shot of fire ran throughout her body.

"Fine! Fine then! I tried being reasonable with you but you know what, it's fine! I'll do whatever I want! You know what I want? I want to go see Daniel and support him at his time of need because I'm a good friend. Then I want to go back to my place because I don't want to deal with assholes right now. And by asshole, I mean you, just so we're clear. And even though I apparently don't know you, I'm just going to guess what you want to do. You want to just lie down at this bed, all alone like the sad sack and bad friend you are, just feeling sorry for yourself all day."

She clasped her paws together into a fist and asked, "Does that sound about right?"

Before Nick could answer, Judy stormed out of his apartment and slammed the door behind her.

His inner voice was gone, and all that was left was an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt. Realizing what he just said, Nick slumped down, burying his head in his paws.

* * *

It had been hours since Judy left for Daniel. Nick had been lying down in bed, alone, feeling sorry for himself, just like how his bunny girlfriend said he would. Perhaps she did know him quite well.

He let out a sigh and grabbed his phone and looked at the screen. He got notifications for some comments for a picture on Muzzlebook that he was tagged in. No texts from Judy though.

He gently threw his phone away thinking, "Why did I think Judy was going to text me?"

He knew the answer. He was hoping that Judy would just simply forgive him, and all would be well again. But he should know, life is never easy for him.

He looked up at the ceiling and thought about Daniel. He wondered why it bothered him so much and why he couldn't bring himself to see Daniel. This was certainly the time for him to overcome his guilt and go see him. Yet... he couldn't. This mind-boggling puzzle proved too hard for his brain and he started to space out. He let his mind naturally wandered to the memory of his mother's suicide. He had been thinking about that memory more often since his own almost attempt. In a way, he felt more connected to his mother than ever before. He understood a little better why she did it. Yet he still had all these questions. What was she thinking, how did she overcome the instinct to survive, was she nervous, did she think about him? All these questions would saturate his head before he would cast them away, realizing that he may never know the answers.

His heart was still filled with guilt over his mother's death. His mind would tell them that he was responsible for her death. If he hadn't been such an asshole to her as a son, perhaps she could've dealt with her own issues better, and she would still be alive today. Instead of being someone she could lean on, he became one of the very stressors that led her to devalue her own life. He knew it was illogical and harmful to think of the what-ifs, and that he was being incredibly harsh on himself. He was just a kid at the time, frustrated with all the hurdles from his own personal life and that society sprung upon him. He couldn't have known better. But he wished he did.

Sometimes anger would take over his guilt. This was one of these times. His paws clenched into fists as hard as they could and his teeth started grating against each other. He snarled and grabbed his pillow and threw it against the wall. He was angry. Angry that his mother was willing to leave him behind like that. Left him to fend for himself in this cruel, cruel world. A mother is supposed to be the one who protects their children from the cruelties of the world. Be the escape that they need with their hugs and kisses. How could she do that if she was dead? How could she do that when her last act reaffirmed the harshness of the world to him? The memories of his life right after his mother's death was a blur. It felt like a bad clip show, he remembered only snippets of the funeral, losing their apartment, and living in the streets. Instead the feelings he felt after her death was what he remembered most. Loneliness. Emptiness. Remorse. Grief. Nick broke down and started bawling. He hated remembering his mother.

* * *

It was a good cry. Nick felt that he was able to let out some of the anguish he had been feeling for the past few hours. But he still had a task to do, he had to know why the thought of being there for Daniel terrified him. He didn't want to let his inner voice win. He could feel his mind wandering to his mother's suicide again. And that's when it hit him. The feelings that he had towards his mother's suicide had bled over to his feelings with Daniel's suicide attempt. The guilt he had for being a terrible son to his mother mixed with the guilt he had for Daniel's right leg. Both of them to him, seemed like precipitating factors that led to their desire to end their life. The anger he had for his mother's suicide had caused him to be angry about Daniel's attempt. The thought that Daniel was willing to be selfish enough to leave behind his boyfriend and sisters just like his mother did to him. He found it despicable. At least he was able to convince himself not to do it. He was able to convince himself not to do it so many times, why couldn't they?

He then remembered his own thoughts the moments before he decided not to. The feelings of loneliness and his own lack of self-worth.

"Perhaps….that's how they felt before…they did it," Nick thought.

And like that, his anger subsided and he knew what he had to do. But this is something he couldn't do alone. He needed Judy by his side. It was time that he apologized.

He let out a nervous sigh. He grabbed his phone and called her.

* * *

Judy entered her apartment, dragged herself to her bed, and fell on top it facedown. To say she was exhausted was an understatement. It had been an emotionally draining day for her.

Her visit with Daniel first started off fine. Both Judy and Daniel tried to maintain a cheery disposition throughout their conversation, focusing on the fact that they were both very grateful that he's alive.

However, things took a turn when Daniel asked, "So where's Nick?"

She stammered, "Oh um...he couldn't make it, he uh…"

"He didn't want to come did he?"

"I'm sorry."

From the look on his face, she could see all the unresolved issues he was dealing with before his suicide attempt coming back to him. Unsure of what to do, she did what she did best and hugged him. He hugged back, placing his muzzle on her shoulder and started crying.

Judy turned around onto her back and stared at her old friend, the ceiling.

"Why do foxes have be so emotional?" she asked herself. She then found herself thinking about Nick and wondering how he was doing.

No, she told herself, she was not going to feel sorry for Nick right now. She was going to stay mad at him. There was no way in hell she was going to apologize when she did nothing wrong. She was going to stay stubborn and wait for Nick to come crawling back to her, begging for forgiveness for acting like such a jerk. Then she would place a finger on her right cheek, as if she was pondering long and hard if Nick deserved her forgiveness. Then she would accept his apology along with the contingency that he treats her like a queen for the rest of time.

She let out a sigh. No, she couldn't stay mad at Nick. She already spent a good portion of the day doing that. If anything, she was just disappointed.

She knew Nick cared about Daniel a lot, otherwise he wouldn't have been so testy the past few days. She really hoped that Nick would've gone with her to see Daniel. It was difficult for her to understand why Nick would not see his own ex-partner in his time of need. It already baffled her that he would make every measure to avoid Daniel at work. He would take the most roundabout path just so he would never have to pass by Daniel's office. It was frankly, beyond ridiculous to Judy. She would try to encourage him at times to talk to Daniel, but he would swiftly change the subject, a skill that he mastered. No matter how persistent she tried to keep the topic on Daniel, he was just as persistent on not talking about it. Eventually she gave up trying to talk to him about Daniel, until his suicide attempt. And look how that turned out.

She turned to her side and saw a stuffed fox sitting on her bed. It brought her back to the time when Nick won for her at the carnival a few months ago. It was one of those booths that had an Old Western theme to it where you had to use a water gun to knock down your targets Billy Goat the Kid and his accomplices. It was also specially designed to screw patrons over by having a very specific part of the target you had to shoot in order to knock it down. However, Nick being a former confox and being the top of his class in his academy, he had no problems shooting all the targets down. She still remembered the koala game operator's mouth widely agape with shock as he handed the stuffed fox to her.

"My gosh it's so soft and fluffy!" Judy marveled.

"Now, you have a way to hug me when you're alone at home," Nick said with a grin.

"Or I can use it as my punching bag when you annoy me," she said with a sneer.

He placed his paw on his chest with mocking shock, "My my! You wouldn't do that to a cute little fox like him, would you?"

She punched him in the arm, "You're right, I can just use you!"

Nick rubs his arm, "Goddammit…"

She hops and kisses him in the cheek, "Thank you by the way."

He blushed as he rubbed the back of his head and said, "Heh... no problem."

She grabbed the stuffed fox and hugged it. She smiled from the fond memory and remembered how sweet, caring, and funny Nick could be. He has a good heart, and remembering that allowed some of her stubbornness to melt away. However, she still debated if she needed to apologize. While she still believed she was right, she learned from her time in Zootopia that she could not treat everything as black and white. Throughout her career, she has seen a wildebeest stealing some bread from the local bakery to feed her hungry kids, a monkey failing to make it back to his car on time because he was giving some elderly tourists directions to the park, or even herself when she worked with the mafia to solve the Missing Mammals case. She replayed the argument they just had at Nick's apartment and realized maybe she could've done some things a little differently. She could've been a little more patient, a little more understanding, and a little easier on him. She held her little Nick tighter, and she realized how much she missed him already, and how bad she felt for leaving him like that. That was when she decided that she would apologize. And she didn't feel any weaker or feel like she lost for doing that. In fact, she felt like a stronger mammal for doing so, and that their relationship would become even stronger.

Her ears sprung up as she heard the phone ring, she looked at the screen, it was Nick. She could feel her nerves riling up as she tapped on the button to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Carrots! Before you say anything, I just need to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm such a dumb fox. I let my own personal feelings about Daniel and my mom, which I'll go into later, overtake me and I lashed it all out on you. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just….

"Nick! Nick, it's fine. You don't have to say anymore. I forgive you." She loved how even though Nick knew how to be a smooth confox, he could be a babbling idiot at times.

Judy continued, "And I'm sorry too."

"Sorry? For what? I was the one who yelled at you when you were just trying to get me to do the right thing."

"I don't know…"

"You know it doesn't make much of an apology if you don't know what you're sorry for," he joked.

She didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Too soon?"

She giggled, "Nah you're good, I just wanted to mess with you."

He chuckled, "Ha, how dare you scare me like that. Anyways continue."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't as supportive or understanding as I could be. Not just about the Daniel stuff but like in general. Our minds work so differently, and we had such different lives. Sometimes it's just difficult for me to know what's going on with you, say the right things to say to you, or to have enough patience."

"Judy, you're already doing a great job. I've couldn't ask for any better.. If anything, you wouldn't have to be sorry if I wasn't so messed up all the time."

"Don't be silly Nick, I mean you're talking to the bunny who sometimes forgets to wash the dishes."

Nick laughed, "Ahhh that is true, what a crime! But hey you're talking to the fox who hogs the shower."

"You're right! That is downright criminal!"

They both started laughing and like that all the tension between them had dissipated, and they both felt their bond grow stronger.

Nick said, "Hey I also was hoping you come back over and I can just tell you everything. Why I won't see Daniel, what it has to do with my mom, and what I need to do before I see Daniel. Or, I can come over."

Judy said, "Nope, my place sucks, I'm coming right over!"

* * *

It was the next day. Nick and Judy stood outside the iron gate, supported by the stony arch that towered over them. The top of the arch held the words St. Hope Cemetery.

A bouquet of rested in Nick's left paw. He travelled to the meadow by the birdge early in the morning to pick flowers just for this occasion. His right paw was held by Judy, who squeezed it in support of him.

"You ready Nick?"

Nick looked at her and nodded slightly.

They entered through the gate and found rows of gravestones surrounding them as they walked silently to their destination. They passed by several mourning families in black, the fur around their eyes stained with their tears. Death hung in the air, seemingly welcoming them every turn they go. Yet, there were plenty of trees scattered around this area, bringing life into this dreary area.

They finally reached their destination in the graveyard. Nick let go of Judy's paw and crouched down in front of the tombstone. He laid down the bouquet and streamed his paw across the dusty tombstone revealing the mammal laid to rest here: Cindy Wilde.

"Hi mom…" Nick whispered.

He paused for a moment, as if he was waiting for his mom to respond. He then shook his head, chuckling at himself for his silliness.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you for...wow 20 years. God, I need to work harder on being a good son huh. Guess I really...failed in that department. But hey! I'm a police officer now! I mean, I'm still working on the streets, but like patrolling rather than hustling. So that makes things better now right? You see, I actually get my money now as a direct deposit in a checking account, instead of just straight cash. Pretty amazing huh? Never thought your ol son would be part of the fuzz now. Huh?"

Tears started trickling down his face.

"I really miss you mom, and I wish you were still here today. I wish you were here to see the fox I've become, instead of the failure that constantly disappointed you. You could've come to my graduation ceremony at the police academy. You would've seen that I was valedictorian of my class. You could've been proud of me for once. And you would've met the bunny that changed my life."

He paused to wipe his tears when he felt Judy rest her paw on his shoulder. He showed his appreciation for the gesture by placing his own on hers.

"I've been so angry at you for so long. I hated how you made me feel so guilty all the time. And I hated how you left me alone in this world. But now I understand a little better what you were going through, and I forgive you. And... even though you're not here today, my memories of you will always be in my heart. The sweet, caring mother who only wanted the best for me. I don't know if I can ever completely forgive myself for making our last moments together a living hell for you. But maybe that's just a way for me to remember to try my hardest to spend every moment with the mammals I love the best moments of our lives.

Nick broke down sobbing, with Judy hugging him from behind, crying alongside with him.

* * *

"Are you sure you can do this now? We can wait another day if you want," Judy asked.

Nick, Judy, and Terry were at the mental ward of Zootopia General Hospital, right outside Room 7B, where Daniel is at.

Nick's paw was on the doorknob, his heart pounding. It was a tempting offer, there was probably no harm coming back another day. However, he did not want to back down. Nick felt he just made real progress with the issues with his mother, maybe he can continue this streak with Daniel.

"Yeah, I think I am."

Judy gave him a thumbs up, and Terry gave him an encouraging nod.

Nick took a deep breath and entered the room. It was a reasonably sized room, walls painted seafoam green supposedly to have a calming effect on its patients. There was some sunlight coming from the windows, brightening up the room as if it was trying to give its healing touch to the patient. By the bed was a small stand that was overflowing with Get Well cards and bouquets of flowers. Nick knew Daniel was always a cheerful presence at the station, making him one of the more well-known recruits. It was an incredible shock to the other officers when they found out about his suicide attempt.

At the center of the room was the bed, and there he was, the fox that Nick had feared seeing for all those months. It was Daniel, sitting at the head of the bed with a look of shock plastered on his face. It made Nick feel a little guilty. He had avoided him so much that his presence was shocking to his own mentee.

"Nick…you...you came," Daniel said quietly.

Nick gave him a warm smile, "Hey buddy."

Daniel gave a weak smile back, but Nick could tell he was uncomfortable with his presence.

"How...how are you holding up?" Nick asked.

"Fine...I'm fine, or...I will be fine." Daniel said staring at the foot of his bed.

Nick noticed the wheelchair by the bed and another pang of guilt hit him.

"How's... your right leg doing? Heard you've been making progress in physical therapy."

Daniel's eyes lit up a little, "Yeah! I started gaining some feeling back in my right leg. If progress continues, I might be allowed to use crutches soon."

"That's awesome! I'm, I'm really happy for you."

Daniel rubbed the back of his head, "Thanks... I don't know if I'll ever be 100% though."

Nick walked to the foot of his bed and sat down, he reached for his paw and grabbed it reassuringly.

"I'm sure you will Daniel, if anyone can, you can."

Daniel looked at him a little uncomfortably, and removed his paw from Nick's. That wasn't the reaction Nick expected. He then realized that he had no right to act like his mentor anymore.

"That was dumb of me, I overstepped my bounds. After months of no contact with you and now suddenly here I am. Guess I'm not much of a mentor huh."

Daniel looked at him, as if he was waiting for Nick to continue.

Nick placed his paw over his chest and said, "Daniel, I'm truly sorry, for everything. I'm sorry that I never went back to see you after I saw you in your hospital room. I'm sorry I never even called you, or texted you. I'm sorry that I would avoid you at work. I'm sorry I never even acknowledged your presence if we ever happened to pass by each other. I'm sorry that it even took me this long to apologize to you."

Nick started shaking his head, his face full of regret, "There's no excuse...for the wrong I've committed. I was a coward. I felt so guilty after the shooting that I didn't know what seeing you would do to me.

Daniel spoke quietly, "Did you ever think about how much I needed you at the time? How much I needed your support during this part of my life?"

Nick said, "Of course, of course I did. And that's why it killed me that I was so...fucking selfish that I fell out of your life like that. I thought this was what I needed, to just cut you out of my life. My mind told me that was what I needed to do, but it was all a lie. All I did was let my mind convince me to be a coward."

"Yeah, you were a coward," Daniel said bluntly. Nick winced at his honesty.

"But...I forgive you, and I understand. Our minds can be nasty to us sometimes."

Nick smiled, "Thank you, thank you so much. And I promise you that I'm going to be a part of your life as much as I-"

"And I hope that's also why you can understand that I can't see you anymore."

"What?" Nick said dismayed.  
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I know I'm being a horrible fox right now. It's just that hearing your apology, I realized I need to be selfish now. You see, when I'm around you, I still have this whole hero worship thing for you. Even though I was mad at you and I hated you for so long, I still wanted your approval. I thought I did something wrong after the shooting. It killed me everyday that you wouldn't see me, and I felt like it was my fault."

Nick nodded accordingly as he listened to Daniel. He found himself also thinking about how eerily similar this was to his own hatred towards his father. He felt another pang of guilt for basically acting like his father to Daniel.

"After being shot in the leg, my mind just went all crazy. When I found out I couldn't be on active duty anymore, my self-esteem plummeted. That was when my mind convinced me that it was all my fault that you wouldn't see me anymore. I thought you were mad at me because I wasn't more aware of my surroundings. If I had been, you wouldn't have had to take the bullet for me. And I hated myself everyday for that. It felt like I was in constant darkness and it became more and more difficult to actually want to live. I also knew Terry was suffering because he was watching me deteriorate, and that made me feel worse. I felt like I was such a burden to him and everyone else around me that...that…."

His voice started breaking and the fur around his eyes started to stain with tears. He took a deep breath and regained his composure.

Daniel continued, "That I felt it was just be better if I just killed myself. So I swallowed all my sleeping medications, and next thing I knew I was here."

With his chest feeling tight from the guilt, Nick felt that he didn't even deserve to be around Daniel anymore. He felt like scum, despite hating his father for abandoning him, he did the exact same to Daniel. He totally understood if Daniel hated him.

Nick said, "I'm sorry I did this to you. I totally understand. You might not believe me, but I totally get it." Nick got up to leave, but Daniel grabbed his arm.

Daniel looked at him straight in the eye and said, "Wait, I can't let you leave thinking that this is all your fault. Yes, it would've been nice to have you around, but my suicide attempt was all purely because of my own inner demons. Don't blame yourself please. I'm just telling you this so you'll understand my battle. I'll start learning to love myself instead of relying others to feel loved. And when that happens, I'll call you right away, and we can grab coffee together."

Nick smiled, marveled by Daniel's maturity and ability to forgive, "I'd like that."

Daniel said, "Goodbye Nick, I'll see you soon."

"See you soon Daniel."

* * *

Nick and Judy were walking down the street from the hospital. He had just finished telling Judy everything that happened in Daniel's room.

"Wow, are you feeling okay? From what you've told me, that sounds really tough," Judy said concerned.

"It was," Nick said. "But you know, it's what Daniel needs, and I can respect that. I just….I just feel bad. I should've been there from the very beginning."

"Don't blame yourself too hard Nick, you were also going through a lot."

"I know…maybe I'll need your help reminding me because I know this is going to hit me hard for a while."

"No worries, as long as you remind me to have more patience and understanding."

He smiled at her, "This seems like this will require quite a bit of hustling from the both of us."

She smiled back, "I'm not afraid, because it's going to be our hustle."

"I can see why we make good partners."

"And good lovers too."

Nick bursted out in laughter as he wrapped his arm around her, "I fucking love you Judy."

She giggled as she put her arm on his back, "I fucking love you too Nick."

They kissed each other in the mouth and continued down the empty street, arms around each other. Nick couldn't help but think that despite an emotionally heavy day, he was happy. It was simply a great joy to have Judy in his life. In fact, it was a great joy to have blueberries, coffee, crafting projects, Cave Hunters, and many more things. Yes, because of his mental illness, he will continue to have horrific depression and panic attacks. However, it's because of these moments that when he's feeling well, he can truly enjoy the beauty of life. And that's enough to make life worth living.


	19. Epilogue

1 year later….

Nick stood by his desk at his increasingly empty cubicle, as he packed his stuff into a medium-sized cardboard box. His box was filled with little trinkets he crafted, picture frames, and little toys. He always liked to have something at his desk to distract himself when he has paperwork to do. He picked up his last picture frame which held a selfie of Judy and him on his first day as a police officer two years ago. Judy of course had the biggest smile on her face while Nick had his signature smirk.

He chuckled to himself and thought, "So much has changed since then."

Things certainly had changed since that picture was taken. Judy and he were still dating and were going strong. They just found an apartment together in Downtown Zootopia by their favorite park; it was the place where they first kissed during their accidental date. Another thing that changed was they weren't police officers anymore.

Chief Bogo thought it was a waste to have two talented mammals that solved a record high number of cases to stay as police officers. Nick's street smarts and his smooth talking made him the perfect detective. Meanwhile Judy's athleticism and quick thinking made her the perfect member of the SWAT team. It was a no brainer for Chief Bogo, but it was a difficult decision for them. Accepting their promotions would mean the breaking up of their partnership.

While Nick was honored that Chief Bogo thought so highly of him, he wasn't exactly happy about this promotion. He didn't want to be separated from Judy. When he decided to come back to this job, it was because he knew that he could spend more time with her. It would've been perfect if they both got to become detectives or members of the SWAT team. But that wasn't what Bogo had in mind for them. Now with the prospect of them being separated, he was sure he didn't want the promotion until…he saw the sheer joy and excitement on Judy's face right when Bogo told her about the promotion. She didn't realize that meant they wouldn't be partners anymore until Bogo told her. That's when he knew that Judy truly, truly wanted to be a SWAT member. He didn't want to be the fox that got in the way of her dreams. Chief Bogo gave them a week to accept the promotion, and it was during this time that Nick pushed for the both of them to accept their promotions.

"Are you sure you want to do this Nick?" Judy asked.  
"Of course Carrots, why wouldn't we take it? It's a huge opportunity for both of us!" Nick said ecstaticly.  
"I just…I don't know, I just love being partners with you."  
"And we still will be partners. Carrots, we're partners for life. We're already going to be spending a lot of time together."

He placed a paw on her cheek reassuringly, "Just think of this as a way to make sure we don't ever drive each other crazy from seeing each other constantly."

"Yeah…I guess so. Maybe this is a healthy thing for us. We probably shouldn't be one of those couples that spend every waking moment with each other."

"Yeah totally!"

"I just...I know in the past you had some doubts being a police officer but you stuck with it because you wanted to be partners with me. Are you going to be okay being a detective without me?"

He kissed her in the forehead and ran his paws down her arm.

With a practiced straight face he lied, "I'll be fine Carrots, don't you worry about me."

Nick sighed as he put the picture into his box. It was done, he officially was done with this office, and done with being a police officer.

"I'm a…I'm a detective now," he said to himself somewhat dejectedly.

He then felt his phone vibrating in his phone. He thought perhaps he was getting another notification of a purchase on his Pretsy page. His flower crowns and headbands were selling like crazy on it. When he looked at the phone screen, it showed an unknown number. He shrugged and tapped answer.

"Detective Wilde speaking."

Nick heard a disguised voice, "Nick Wilde, just the fox I wanted to talk to."

Nick was immediately worried. Someone took the extra steps to make sure that he wouldn't know who he was talking to. Also, he heard a certain air of arrogance to their voice, quite unusual for someone calling a detective. He decided to continue with the script before he made any assumptions.

"What is the nature of your call? Do you have a tip for a case? Just a reminder that you will remain anonymous and this call will be wholly confidential."

Nick was not prepared what he heard next from the disguised voice.

"Oh boy do I have a tip. A tip about a certain murdered fox named Darren Cape."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for the Inner Voice! And yes I ended with a cliffhanger, which means...I will be making a sequel for this story! I just couldn't say goodbye to these characters, I had so much fun writing about them that I decided midway through making this story that I wanted to write a sequel! I know, I'm crazy. However, I will be taking a break from continuing this series though. I do have a few other stories in my head that I want to write about first. But don't worry, it won't be too long until this series starts again.
> 
> Also, I know this is not the best fanfic compared to the ones out there. My writing isn't the best and admittedly I kinda regret some of the stuff I've written. For example, I can't believe I made a damn Daniel joke LOL. But despite its flaws, this story does hold a special place in my heart and it really does mean a lot that you guys take the time to read it and that you actually enjoy this story. So thank you to everybody who read to the very end and big thank you to everyone who left a review, let me kudos, and subscribed to the story! I look forward to writing more :)


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